When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that I’m an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.
Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...
Bruce Lee is actually a fictional character. But did you know he has a real brother?
What do you call a jewish person who is too young to be considered an adult
Now I know why it’s called Pulp Fiction
A young boy and an old man are walking through the woods at night. The boy tells the man: "I'm scared. It's really dark and spooky out here."
The old man replies, "YOU'RE scared?! I'm the one that has to walk back alone!"
When I was young my mom would tear out the last page of all my comics. She wouldn't tell me why.
I had to draw my own conclusions.
What do you call two young married spiders?
What do you call an army of young cows on horseback?
Out of every 50 adults, 20 wear incontinence pads
When does a young joke become a dad joke?
A young man was hunting a bull. He fired his bow, but the arrow landed a few feet to the left of the bull and it escaped.
Just sharing that I saved up enough money as a young father to finally buy a Tesla.
How do young bees get to school?
Why, the school buzz, of course!
When I was young, I was obsessed with the difference between a sine and a cosine.
Later, I realized it was just a phase.
My friends just told me that efts grow to be small salamanders that are usually semiaquatic as adults...
Why did the young boy become a cereal killer?
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
When I was young I used to be afraid of the dark
Now when I get my electric bill I'm afraid of the light.
For awhile, my young son couldn't tell me the letters in the word, arid.
I just found out the country of Canada is a complete work of fiction.
When I was young I decided to become an archeologist.
Now my career is in ruins.
Several religious groups are banding together to outlaw adult toys.
Their reasoning is the Bible says, "It's Adam and Eve, not Florence + the Machine."
I took my young son for a beer today for the first time.
I got him a Budweiser, but he didn't like it. So I drank it. I tried him on Coors and he hated that too. So I drank that too. Same thing with Guiness and Whiskey. I was doubling up on everything and he was happy with Apple juice.
By the time we started on vodkas, I was way too drunk to push his pram home.
Wife: Honey I’m pregnant.
Me: Well… what do we do now?
Wife: I guess we should go to a baby doctor.
Me: Hm... I think I’d be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.
If young geese are called goslings ...
Are old geese called geezers?
The cast from Pulp Fiction tested positive with Covid after going camping together:
A young Indian couple was trying to have a quiet wedding, but their family refused and made them have a big wedding instead. What fruit did they serve at the event?
Why couldn't the young pirate see the adult movie?
Pun Name for Recreation Program
Sup y’all, looking for some help on a punny name for a Life Skills program. Obviously, “Life Skills” isn’t going to work. Appreciate the help!
Hitler was reborn and decides to open a restaurant for young audiences.
It's his cool n' aryan future!
When I was young I was a graffiti artist and had my name all over the city but as I got older I thought "This has to stop".
"The writing's on the wall."
How did young Hitler tie his shoes?
activates shitty German accent
Veeth leettle Nazis
There’s a hair salon down the street that does a perm and color while you take a nap.
It’s called “Curl Up & Dye”.
Never thought of it like that haha
I need an adult, pls & thank u
How is the moon like a teenager?
It's always going through a phase!
I wrote a book about how convicted felons can use fiction writing to work through their experiences and achieve better rehabilitation outcomes.
It's called, "Prose and Cons".
How do people actually make new mates as an adult?
*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...
He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:
-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!
Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.
-Ok, so... your current name is.. ·chuckles· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...
-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.
After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.
-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?
-Charles Fart.
I have to tell someone about this because I'm at home alone with my 2 year old and 11 month old, and they're to young to understand my best dad joke ever.
My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!
Why are adults evil?
Because 18 is three sixes!
When I was young I decided to become an archeologist.
Now my career is in ruins.
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