So I said "it depends on which pier you mean. Can you use it in a sentence?"
His reply: "Yes. How do you spell pier?"
It's lit
Itβs getting out of hand.
Some nights I feel like a cop chasing a robber trying to catch her so I can put her to sleep, as she βsteelsβ away in various rooms of the house...
You could say sheβs βevading a-restβ...
Dr. Dre-idel
Mississippi
A tongue depressor.
My 3 year old brother came up to me (and everyone else in the house several times each) to tell a joke he made up (translated from Turkish but works in English anyway).
3yo: Do you need to go to the bathroom (a question we ask him frequently)?
Me: No
3yo: Are you sure?
Me: Yes?
3yo: Oh, hi Sure!
Chello!
Alternatively:
What is Yo-Yo Ma's favorite dairy dessert?
Chello pudding!
I think to myself βOh I used to say this jokeβ. So in my best pirate voice I laugh and say, βR!β
Smirking, my 6 yo replies, βAye, youβd think so, but it βtis the C!β
Proud moment right there folks!
I responded βBut youβre not a freezer.β
I could feel the eye roll down the street.
Her: Dad, what does gay means? Me: Gay means happy, kid. Her : Are you gay dad? Me: No! I married your Mom.
My wife: That's a repost!
B: "Hey dad, how many animals can jump higher than a building?"
Me: "I Don't know."
B: "All of them, buildings can't jump."
Me: ΰ² _ΰ²
Me (rather pleased): "Really?" Her: "Yes. Would you like it back?"
Word.
Donald Trumpβs gonna use her for his border wall.
Him: I like to start off my showers with cold water. Me: Really? You take cold showers? For how long? Him: Just until the water warms up. Then I get in.
...well done, son. Well done.
After his baseball game, we picked up some take-out food for the family. Driving home and now dark, he and I see three people walking along the shoulder of our street, all wearing dark clothes. I almost hit one of them. I say, shaking my head, "Look at these idiots, wearing dark clothes at night...someone's gonna get run over."
He replies, from the back seat, "Yeah...they're not too bright."
Me: Heads up, you have a package arriving today with your name on it. You have permission to open it today ππ
Him: Ok. Is the tree a hint or just a christmassy thing? I donβt need a treeπ²
Me: Just a christmassy thing. We didnβt send you a tree.
Him: Great. I wouldnβt want to accuse you of tree, son π€
Me: Oooof
Him: I was trying to branch out into political humor but it didnβt take root so I guess Iβll leaf it there
Me: You donβt know when to quit, do you?
Him: I wooden know about that
His name was Sherlock, holmes.
Kylo Wren
Because she's a sweet lady with a great sense of humour.
Friend: NaBrO
Why did the tree cross the road?
...
Because it fell.
Ad YourMominem!
Son: Dad, what are flying pigs actually called?
Me: I think they're just called flying pigs.
Son: No, it's a Pigasus!
Needless to say, I was very proud. Even my wife laughed.
4yo: βyep!β
Me: blows on childβs nose.
4yo: eyeroll
