..."that's one way to starch yer day."
He got the buccaneer special
Because 7 said to next number "Yer an 8".
I recently cut my hair. I expect my coworkers to all give me the expected "ermagerd yer hair dur hur."
That being said, i want to add to the stupid by having some hair puns ready to go. What are some ones you all can think of?
One imparticular i want to try and work in is one having to do with "cow lick" but I have no idea on how to make that one work. Any ideas on this one?
Bartender says hey
Horse says yer sure
The Scottish guy replies βno, yer absolutely rightβ
I politely told him he had the wrong number and that I hoped he found the right number.
A few hours later the doorbell rang so, I went and answered, and it was an elderly fellow. I asked how I might help him, and he replied that he was sure his son lived at this address. I assured him that it was only my wife and I, asled if he was the respectable chap whom had called me earlier. He said yes,, and insisted this was his son's home. Well, what are you gonna do? So, I told him to come on in and see for himself.
We walked around the house, main floor, basement, second floor, and he wanted wanted go into the attic. I didn't think he would make it up the steep stairs of the pull down hatch. So, I went up amd told him there was nothing.
Disappointed, the elderly fellow walked to the door, and said, "well, looks like yer gonna have to throw me out, because I don't want to leave".
Well that's not gonna fly, my wife would not be happy to return home from work and see a strange old man refusing refusing leave.
I said yes, I am throwing you out sir. So, I opened the door, amd ushered him out. He shuffled down the walk, to the curb and around the corner.
30 minutes later, the doorbell rang again, so, I answered it. And believe it or not, it was the elderly man again. He said he wanted to apologize, did so, then left.
As he was walking away I put the pieces together of what had happened. This elderly fellow, having rung my doorbell, having me throwhim out, and his final return, I realized, a boomer rang me, I threw him out, and he came back.
Thought of this one a while ago and had forgotten it.Yer welcome. :)
So I packed her things and left.
Not once it's past yer eyes!
Wife made asian food for dinner last night, Tofu/Rice/Veggies/Chicken Wontons.
Toddler is killing the wontons and we teach him how to say "wonton" so he can ask for more correctly.
As he's stuffing another piece into his mouth I ask him "hey bubba, do you like wontons?"
To which my son replies, "No..like twotons"
My son's first joke and it's a dad joke...i'm just so proud lol....
Then Soviet...
I told him "Yer in trouble."
Hand Eyeeeeeeee!
I work at a beer brewery where we give tours. We can dress up tomorrow and Iβm a pirate. What are so beer-related pirate puns? Iβm at the end of my plank here.
Because they would be Knight Wights.
Because chernobyl fallout...
No eye-deer! (Say it in yer best southern accent)
The captain tells his crew to go out into the town and spend some well earned time off, but to be back at midnight. The crew all go into town and the captain stays in his quarters on the ship.
Midnight comes and the crew still aren't back, so the captain figures they'll all be at the tavern having a drink so he walks in and finds it empty. The captain approaches the bartender and says "YARR, have ye seen me Buccaneers?" , the bartender turn to him and says "YEAH, they're on the side of your buckin' head under yer buckin' hat!".
Who's there?
Yerbina
Yerbina who?
Yer bein' a doofus again.
I told my son that pirating isn't learned, its in yer heart...
He asked when he will becone a pirate, to which i replied...
"Yardy arrr"
So we were having a family dinner, and my cousin didn't eat one of her pieces of chicken (she said she was full). She then jumped at the mention of pudding. So, I put on my best Scottish accent, and said to her: "IF YA DON'T EAT YER MEAT, YA CAN'T HAVE ANY PUDDING! HOW CAN YA HAVE ANY PUDDING IF YOU DON'T EAT YER MEAT?!"
Whenever I would be taking a leak, my dad used to walk by the bathroom and go "Hey are you from France? 'Cause yer-a-peein!"
Or if I ever said "I'm gonna go take a crap" he'd say "ew you're gonna take one?! Why don't you just leave it?"
