My favorite wrapper is the fifty cent piece
Bears must really like Hip-Hop.
I call him chance.
Tonight he really got his Snickers in a Twix
They would be Gershin's Rap CDs in Blue.
Chew on that!
Throw away the wrappers
He was a pretty good wrapper
She thinks it's sweet
A wrapper.
The cabin replied, "I only play house music." The windmill said, "not me, I'm a heavy metal fan." The backhoe said, "I just dig rock." The plastic baggie said, "I do, I'm a wrapper!"
Chance the wrapper
I said "no, I'm more of a Skittles guy."
"No I'm talking about the rapper."
"Why would I want to eat the wrapper?" I asked.
It was due to the bounty on his head
Friend asks for a snack
Me: "Well, help yourself to my snack draw"
Friend: "There's only wrappers"*
Me: "This is where I keep my Eminems"
To wrap her gifts to my kids. You wouldn’t know by looking at me but I’m pretty good! Some would say I’m a Grammy nominated wrapper!
Boyfriend and I went to Portillo's (Italian Beef sandwich place in Chicago) and ordered sammies.
While we were eating, I started a story with the phrase, "so, I kind of have a beef with..."
He pauses, looks down at my now-empty sandwich wrapper and responds with,
"well, you had a beef..."
Also, I've stopped asking him to call my phone when I misplace it because I'm tired of the "what do you want me to call it?" response.
Boy and I have been together for...8 months or so, dad-jokes only got super frequent recently - men of /r/dadjokes - is this a condition that occurs after several months of dating? Please help.
:)
A settlement has been reached in one of the sweetest lawsuits ever to be filed in federal court, but details of the payday are under wrappers.
Daryl White Jr. of Belle, Missouri, didn’t sugar coat his anger about paying a dollar apiece for boxes of Mike and Ikes and Hot Tamales that were only two-thirds full. Determined not to be a sucker, he hired counsel and paid the U.S. District Court Western District of Missouri a $400 filing fee to sue Just Born Inc., the candymaker’s parent company, for alleged deceptive advertising and unjust enrichment.
Son: I don't like chicken if it doesn't have a wrapper.
Dad: My favorite chicken rapper is M.C. Nugget.
My wife actually laughed at that one.
As a Boy Scout, we would camp a lot and go on hikes.
One night, we had to do a night hike, alone, for a merit badge. I had left the campsite about an hour earlier and a terrible storm rolled in. The sky opened up and the ground was quickly saturated. I tried to continue my hike for another few minutes, but it got cold and I was chilled and soaked to the bone, so I decided to try to head back to camp.
Lightning was starting to crackle above me, so I thought I should try to take a shortcut to make my hike back quicker. I pulled out my compass and found my direction, but the rain made it impossible to see more than five feet in front of me.
I was looking down at my compass, not paying any attention to where I was going, and suddenly felt weightless. The feeling didn't last long as I thumped down on slippery earth a second later.
I had fallen onto a ledge on the side of a rather steep cliff, the bottom of which was at least fifty feet down.
I sat there, contemplating on how to get back up this cliff as water rolled over the edge ten feet above me. There was nothing to grab onto to pull myself up. I was stuck there.
After a few minutes, I noticed the little ledge I was standing on was slowly getting smaller. The water was coming down so hard it was eroding the tiny bit of safety I had.
I dug through my pockets, thinking maybe I had something, anything, to help me out of my precarious situation. All I had was my compass, a cough drop, and a match. I was screwed.
So, I sat there, watching the edge of the ledge I was on get closer and closer to my feet, when suddenly I felt something pushing on my back.
I turned slightly and saw a wooden box sticking out of the cliff behind me. It was working its way out of the side, the rain surely helping it along. I tried to move away from it, but the ledge wasn't very wide and the box kept coming out, pushing me farther to the weak and failing edge.
As more of the box came out, to my horror, I realized it was a coffin! I had no idea how old it was, but it looked rather rotten. All I could think of was being pushed off this ledge, and the rotten coffin breaking and dropping a skeleton onto my broken and battered body at the bottom.
The coffin crept closer, my foot began to slip. I grabbed onto a root that was sticking out of the cliffside and dug in my pocket once more.
I hurriedly tore the wrapper off the cough drop and stuck it in my mouth. It stopped the coffin.
This joke has been told to me
... keep reading on reddit ➡W: I am a terrible wrapper
Me: I know. I definitely wouldn't call you Yeezy.
W: I hate you right now.
Later on while still wrapping.
W: You are so much better at wrapping than I am
Me: I am still not at Yeezy level yet
W: I'm going to stab you with these scissors
One present left, and just scraps of wrapping paper left, and I decide to not let them go to waste.
W: Don't be a ghetto wrapper
Me: Like Yeezy?
W: I want a divorce
-I'm a better wrapper than Jay Z
-If we keep that fire on he’s going to be Krisp Kringle
-What do they spell with at the North Pole? The Elfabet… Do you want to know why it’s different? … It has No-L.
Christmas, the wrapper
A famous wrapper
Trying to open a condom but the wrapper wouldn't tear, "man, they really childproof these things, huh?"
I'm a gangster wrapper.
Why are music and candy the same?
Because you keep the good stuff and throw away the wrapper!
A pig fell in the mud. 🐖😑
Also, when we were little and my sister (I'm 29/f, she's 2 years my junior) would cry and scream and beg about not getting what she want, my dad would always ask her "Who built the ark?" That shit always pissed her off and me too sometimes but it's def funny now.
One more from him .. when we go out to eat he always tries to hand us a straw but it's really just the wrapper he made to look like there was one still in there.
Dad: I'm a pretty good wrapper for a dad
*I nod*
Dad: I said a hip hop the hippie to the hippie to the hip hip hop and you don't stop to rock it
. . .
Not really a joke, but it sure made me laugh.
A few days ago I was working on an essay about Harriet Tubman. I finished it Wednesday night and left it in the kitchen overnight. At some point during the nighttime my father erased one of my sentences. It was something like, "New York responded to this incident with outrage, with most sympathizing with Tubman over her economic hardships."
He replaced it with, "Harriet Tubman wrote the first draft of the film The Parent Trap on the back of a Carls Jr. sandwich wrapper." I didn't check the paper before turning it in.
My teacher was not amused.
I was looking for something behind the couch and I said "Damn, there's a lot of wrappers behind here" my friend snaps back with "Is 50 Cent behind there?"
Me to my daughter: Hey, is that a popsicle wrapper?
Husband: No, I believe it's an R&B artist.
groans all around
From a convo between me and my gf on Gchat:
Me: did you bring a lunch with you?
gf: I brought a secret lunch. Today it is crackers and a clementine
Me: spy apples?
gf: HA. I take off the wrappers and peel at home and snack stealthily.
Me: so you have a sneack?
gf: precisely
Me: or a clandestintine?
gf: WOW
Bears must really like Hip-Hop.
He got his snickers in a twix.
A wrapper.
