I wonder if he ate the wrapper too
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/epicgamerboy66
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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There’s this coin wrapper that can roll any coin: pennies, nickels, dimes etc. Just roll it up to a marked spot and voila, a perfect roll.

My favorite wrapper is the fifty cent piece

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/holymolybreath
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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Park rangers told us not to leave any wrappers inside the car because bears might break in...

Bears must really like Hip-Hop.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ldchcld
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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My daughter found a candy wrapper to play with.

I call him chance.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nyccfan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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My mate hates it when I put his chocolate bars in different wrappers.

Tonight he really got his Snickers in a Twix

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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Python wrapper for Java
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eoussama
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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If I were a Rapper, my Rapper name would be Gershwin. I would distribute my CD's in blue wrappers

They would be Gershin's Rap CDs in Blue.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IranRPCV
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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Hey look it’s Parappa the wrapper!
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheese124000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
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I'm beginning to think most of the jokes here come from Laffy Taffy wrappers.

Chew on that!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eliza_Swain
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
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Music is like candy

Throw away the wrappers

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Why did Santa make Eminem an honorary elf?

He was a pretty good wrapper

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flrgx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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I gave my wife a nickname and it's "Candy"

She thinks it's sweet

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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Which musician gives the nicest Christmas presents?

A wrapper.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nuclear_porridge
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A gardener said, "I just finished producing some beets, who wants to check them out?"

The cabin replied, "I only play house music." The windmill said, "not me, I'm a heavy metal fan." The backhoe said, "I just dig rock." The plastic baggie said, "I do, I'm a wrapper!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lela_chan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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Great weather puns aren’t a breeze
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PastaPoop
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2018
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What do you call a Christmas elf from Chicago?

Chance the wrapper

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/egstein01
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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My co-worker asked me if I like Eminem...

I said "no, I'm more of a Skittles guy."

"No I'm talking about the rapper."

"Why would I want to eat the wrapper?" I asked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/333iamhalfevil
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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Osama bin laden took a ancestry test and found out he was 78% middle eastern 8% chololate and 14% coconut

It was due to the bounty on his head

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yodogg14
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2018
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Wrap game

Friend asks for a snack

Me: "Well, help yourself to my snack draw"

Friend: "There's only wrappers"*

Me: "This is where I keep my Eminems"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seykrits
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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Every year my mom asks me...

To wrap her gifts to my kids. You wouldn’t know by looking at me but I’m pretty good! Some would say I’m a Grammy nominated wrapper!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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Concerned about boyfriend's dad-joke abilities. Is he a secret dad?

Boyfriend and I went to Portillo's (Italian Beef sandwich place in Chicago) and ordered sammies.

While we were eating, I started a story with the phrase, "so, I kind of have a beef with..."

He pauses, looks down at my now-empty sandwich wrapper and responds with,

"well, you had a beef..."

Also, I've stopped asking him to call my phone when I misplace it because I'm tired of the "what do you want me to call it?" response.

Boy and I have been together for...8 months or so, dad-jokes only got super frequent recently - men of /r/dadjokes - is this a condition that occurs after several months of dating? Please help.

:)

πŸ‘︎ 235
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πŸ‘€︎ u/push_harder
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2014
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Dad jokes galore: Candy company settles with mid-Missouri man over underfilled boxes

A settlement has been reached in one of the sweetest lawsuits ever to be filed in federal court, but details of the payday are under wrappers.

Daryl White Jr. of Belle, Missouri, didn’t sugar coat his anger about paying a dollar apiece for boxes of Mike and Ikes and Hot Tamales that were only two-thirds full. Determined not to be a sucker, he hired counsel and paid the U.S. District Court Western District of Missouri a $400 filing fee to sue Just Born Inc., the candymaker’s parent company, for alleged deceptive advertising and unjust enrichment.

SOURCE

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/missourijake
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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My 4 year old was complaining that the chicken in his burrito wasn't breaded

Son: I don't like chicken if it doesn't have a wrapper.

Dad: My favorite chicken rapper is M.C. Nugget.

My wife actually laughed at that one.

πŸ‘︎ 321
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fort221
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2015
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A compass, a cough drop, and a match.

As a Boy Scout, we would camp a lot and go on hikes.

One night, we had to do a night hike, alone, for a merit badge. I had left the campsite about an hour earlier and a terrible storm rolled in. The sky opened up and the ground was quickly saturated. I tried to continue my hike for another few minutes, but it got cold and I was chilled and soaked to the bone, so I decided to try to head back to camp.

Lightning was starting to crackle above me, so I thought I should try to take a shortcut to make my hike back quicker. I pulled out my compass and found my direction, but the rain made it impossible to see more than five feet in front of me.

I was looking down at my compass, not paying any attention to where I was going, and suddenly felt weightless. The feeling didn't last long as I thumped down on slippery earth a second later.

I had fallen onto a ledge on the side of a rather steep cliff, the bottom of which was at least fifty feet down.

I sat there, contemplating on how to get back up this cliff as water rolled over the edge ten feet above me. There was nothing to grab onto to pull myself up. I was stuck there.

After a few minutes, I noticed the little ledge I was standing on was slowly getting smaller. The water was coming down so hard it was eroding the tiny bit of safety I had.

I dug through my pockets, thinking maybe I had something, anything, to help me out of my precarious situation. All I had was my compass, a cough drop, and a match. I was screwed.

So, I sat there, watching the edge of the ledge I was on get closer and closer to my feet, when suddenly I felt something pushing on my back.

I turned slightly and saw a wooden box sticking out of the cliff behind me. It was working its way out of the side, the rain surely helping it along. I tried to move away from it, but the ledge wasn't very wide and the box kept coming out, pushing me farther to the weak and failing edge.

As more of the box came out, to my horror, I realized it was a coffin! I had no idea how old it was, but it looked rather rotten. All I could think of was being pushed off this ledge, and the rotten coffin breaking and dropping a skeleton onto my broken and battered body at the bottom.

The coffin crept closer, my foot began to slip. I grabbed onto a root that was sticking out of the cliffside and dug in my pocket once more.

I hurriedly tore the wrapper off the cough drop and stuck it in my mouth. It stopped the coffin.

This joke has been told to me

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TipCleMurican
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2014
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Just did this while wrapping presents

W: I am a terrible wrapper
Me: I know. I definitely wouldn't call you Yeezy.
W: I hate you right now.

Later on while still wrapping.

W: You are so much better at wrapping than I am
Me: I am still not at Yeezy level yet
W: I'm going to stab you with these scissors

One present left, and just scraps of wrapping paper left, and I decide to not let them go to waste.

W: Don't be a ghetto wrapper
Me: Like Yeezy?
W: I want a divorce

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unclerudy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2017
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It’s that time of year again

-I'm a better wrapper than Jay Z

-If we keep that fire on he’s going to be Krisp Kringle

-What do they spell with at the North Pole? The Elfabet… Do you want to know why it’s different? … It has No-L.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phelim
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2013
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Hey you heard about this new rapper that made it big last December?

Christmas, the wrapper

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Special_KC
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad: What did the baby plastic want to be when it grew up?

A famous wrapper

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/curse_words
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2016
🚨︎ report
Got my fiancΓ©e tonight

Trying to open a condom but the wrapper wouldn't tear, "man, they really childproof these things, huh?"

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/illini211
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2015
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I gave my friend an Al Capone figurine for Christmas.

I'm a gangster wrapper.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_marther_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2016
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One of my dad's all time favorites.

Why are music and candy the same?

Because you keep the good stuff and throw away the wrapper!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SunshineBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2016
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Wanna hear a dirty joke? Who built the ark?

A pig fell in the mud. πŸ–πŸ˜‘

Also, when we were little and my sister (I'm 29/f, she's 2 years my junior) would cry and scream and beg about not getting what she want, my dad would always ask her "Who built the ark?" That shit always pissed her off and me too sometimes but it's def funny now.

One more from him .. when we go out to eat he always tries to hand us a straw but it's really just the wrapper he made to look like there was one still in there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blo0dchild
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2016
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Outside wrapping my brothers birthday presents with my dad

Dad: I'm a pretty good wrapper for a dad

*I nod*

Dad: I said a hip hop the hippie to the hippie to the hip hip hop and you don't stop to rock it

. . .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gravitationalBS
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2015
🚨︎ report
Not sure if technically a joke..

Not really a joke, but it sure made me laugh.

A few days ago I was working on an essay about Harriet Tubman. I finished it Wednesday night and left it in the kitchen overnight. At some point during the nighttime my father erased one of my sentences. It was something like, "New York responded to this incident with outrage, with most sympathizing with Tubman over her economic hardships."

He replaced it with, "Harriet Tubman wrote the first draft of the film The Parent Trap on the back of a Carls Jr. sandwich wrapper." I didn't check the paper before turning it in.

My teacher was not amused.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hatsforfish
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2014
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My friend is gonna make a great dad

I was looking for something behind the couch and I said "Damn, there's a lot of wrappers behind here" my friend snaps back with "Is 50 Cent behind there?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Wild_Mudkip
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2014
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My husband dropped this on me tonight while I was giving our kids dessert.

Me to my daughter: Hey, is that a popsicle wrapper?

Husband: No, I believe it's an R&B artist.

groans all around

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InnerTaunTaun
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2014
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Not a dad, but I think I'm on my way to being a good one.

From a convo between me and my gf on Gchat:

Me: did you bring a lunch with you?

gf: I brought a secret lunch. Today it is crackers and a clementine

Me: spy apples?

gf: HA. I take off the wrappers and peel at home and snack stealthily.

Me: so you have a sneack?

gf: precisely

Me: or a clandestintine?

gf: WOW

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AJs_Sandshrew
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2013
🚨︎ report
The park ranger told us not to leave any wrappers inside the car because bears might break in.

Bears must really like Hip-Hop.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I put my mates chocolate bars in different wrappers. Needless to say,

He got his snickers in a twix.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/74CK
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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What do you call an elf that doesn't sing?

A wrapper.

πŸ‘︎ 345
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGomeeez
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2016
🚨︎ report

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