Jehovah's Witness favourite band.

The Doors.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of

The Quaranteens

πŸ‘︎ 27k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tecniklee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah’s Witness?

Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/namean_jellybean
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between a cat on a couch and a dim witted cow?

One is a cat loaf and the other is a cattle oaf.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nikkian42
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
When a Jehovah's Witness dies....

Does Heaven turn out the lights and pretends nobody's home ?

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Wit happens
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whoosp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
If Satanists had missionaries...

would they be called Devil's Advocates?

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lod254
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report
did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?

he was lucky it was a soft drink

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chickenman2359
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you read about the new group that was created to foster dialogue between Wiccans and Jehovah’s Witnesses?

It’s called the Witch Tower Society.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"

"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."

"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I witnessed a murder today

But as I got closer it flew away

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dudeness77
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I witnessed a kidnapping at the park the other day

He woke up like 5 minutes later tho

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onemangang15
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I just witnessed a guy getting shot with a paintball gun.

He dyed on impact.

πŸ‘︎ 95
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
How many Mafiosos does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the light bulb and one to shoot the witnesses.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
My whole family witnessed me going to jail

We have to play something other than monopoly next time

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
If you get and email titled knock knock don’t open it

It’s a Jehovah’s Witness working from home

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/matcha0123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Just witnessed a tragic car accident where a man lost his entire left side...

He’s all right now

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dr_se7en_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Ever wonder how a Jehovah's witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you're here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior?

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/neo-1000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked Carrie if she understands what the consequences would be if every "st" was replaced wit a "w"

Carrie underwood

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought I witnessed a murder today

I only counted 2 crows though, so I guess it was really an attempted murder

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/samuelmercanti
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What are you called if you are shopping at an Apple store when it’s robbed?

An iWitness.

πŸ‘︎ 160
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jch308
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A locksmith had to go to court to give evidence last week.

Apparently he was the key witness.

Stolen from dad jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmantis311
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
If you got married and they didn’t play β€œshe’s some kind of wonderful” at the reception did you really get married?

Can I get a witness?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
That's some sharp wit right there.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/babydoll_bd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do the Italians not like jehovah's witnesses

The Italians dont like any witnesses

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Gus3114
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve witnessed a lot of crimes in my life...

.. but stealing someone’s soap really takes the cake.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orklyabsent
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
The main purpose of the call-response hooting that many owls engage in is to find and attract a potential mate.

To wit: to woo.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Breaking news: Irish officials have reported that a passenger 747 has crashed into a Belfast cemetery. Investigators have discovered over ten thousand dead bodies at the scene. One local witness at a nearby pub claimed it was a Guinness record.

To be sure. I’ll let myself out.....

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/greggy_rabs
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I think I peaked, and there were so few witnesses.
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LongShaynx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Detective Johnson and detective Smith were investigating a murder that occurred next to a playground. The only witnesses to the murder were four children, a brother age 3 and sister age 4, and a different brother (age 7) and sister (age 8).

The children all lived in a nearby apartment complex. The younger siblings lived in apartment 8D and the older ones lived in apartment 9D. Detective Johnson advised Detective Smith that she probably shouldn’t bother question 8D’s children about what they saw, since they’re too young to have a reliable memory. He believed that Smith would have a better chance of getting good information from the older children, since only 9D’s kids will remember.

πŸ‘︎ 389
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
The local drug dealer in town started dressing as a Jehovah’s Witness so as not to arouse suspicion.

He was arrested when cops saw people actually letting him in.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Earlier today, I witnessed a kid napping downtown where I work...

...but I just let him sleep. Didn’t seem right to bother the boy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jaymb90
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I just witnessed a kidnapping.

He was really tired.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MelletjeN
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Picture Perfect Puns

Ancient Scot Richard's Warriors: Dick's Picts

Loki - Trick pics (from my brother)

Pictures of an Adam Sandler movie: "Click" pics.

Pictures of a Kaitlin Olson character: The Mick's pics

Screenahots of these comments: Wit pics

Leaky faucet: drip pics

X1 Cumberbatch photos: Benedict pics

X2 Pope photos: Benedict pics (also works)

X3 Turncoat snaps: Benedict pics

X4 "Wong" image: Benedict pics

Legal command: Writ pics

Pictures of twigs: Stick pics

A Christmas Story scene: lick pics

Pictures of a Winter Saint: Nick pics

Syringe photos: prick pics (from a friend)

Sporting goods store images: Dick's pics.

Dan Harmon cartoon character: Rick's pics.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AndySkibba
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I witnessed an overweight pigeon divebomb a grizzly.

It was a heavy bird into bear.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Witnesses say he ran off in one direction
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
If you witness a crime in an Apple store...

Does that make you an iWitness?

πŸ‘︎ 194
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WinGs5000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw the Apple store get robbed once

Yep, I was an iWitness

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween

I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door

πŸ‘︎ 245
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Johannes_Cabal_NA
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Who does Apple call on to provide testimony in court?

An iWitness

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JackoMabreda
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
A guy came to the door, asked if I wanted to be Jehovah's Witness ...

I said "Are you kidding, I didn't even see the accident." (Props to the Unknown Comic.)

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Charles_Deetz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What is it called when you witness an act of god in a mirror?

A mirrorcle.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarthbane
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Just witnessed this classic on the bus

Passenger: Which bus are you?

Driver: I'm not a bus, I'm the driver.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YourYam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2017
🚨︎ report
We were about to witness our first autopsy in medical school. My friend said, β€œWhat do you think it’ll be like?”

I said, β€œRemains to be seen.”

πŸ‘︎ 304
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
The cop asked the witness "Where did the hackers go?"

The witness replied "I don't know, they just ransomware."

πŸ‘︎ 109
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fitzz7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
🚨︎ report
True story: My family and I were walking at an apple orchard today when my 6-year-old noticed a discarded apple and asked "Why is there an apple under a pine tree?"

I responded without missing a beat, "That, my son, is a pine apple."

Shoutout to the mom passing by who witnessed and appreciated this gem.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Etereve
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Lettuce witness people go hΓ m in the comments
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lamvbk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I witnessed a murder today...

I counted 13 crows flying due south.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CommandroidLee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an Atheist?

Someone who knocks on your door for no reason at all.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/henchy91
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.