How's that for a Naan Sequitur?
So we're in year 12 of high school and we all get jerseys, including our year advisor teachers who've let us, the students, decide their jersey name. Usually the jersey name is a witty pun or joke which uses the wearer's name.
One of the teachers has a last name which sounds exactly like 'jenga' (that's not her name is really spelt, but it's to protect her identity), so I'll be need your help to get some good puns.
If you guys can't think of any, the other teachers last name is Daher (pronounced "darr"), so suggestions for her name would be nice too. Thanks!
I own a print shop named Lafayette Blueprint, and I’m taking my dog, who is a Blue Heeler, to work with me today. I need a witty pun to make a post on my businesses Facebook page today. What ya got reddit?
like the title says im in need of a funny/catchy/witty/ pun name for my new pub! there are already a few pubs around with catchy pun names like pub-lick, and sub-urban (they make sub sandwiches at lunch) can we come up with something better!! some info that might help you out. the pub is going to be in canberra, act, australia in the city centre i.e. civic.
lets see what we can come up with!!
Because with great power comes great response ability.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
But she still won't admit she framed me.
Because they have great response ability.
Does that make those comments comedy gold?
He had a bounty on his head.
One morning while sitting down for breakfast, my Dad looks up, points at my waist and exclaims, "What are those two things coming out of your butt?!" My 6 yr. old self wheels around like a dog chasing it's tail looking for said objects. nothing. I ask what they were and he says he's not sure, but that I will be fine. After school he get's home from work. Me: "Dad, do you those things coming out of my butt still?" Dad: "Yup" Repeat action and conversation from the morning again. And repeat again then next day, and the next ... 7 days in total I'm getting pissed my Dad see's them all the time but my Mom and older Sister don't. I surely don't see two things coming out of my butt. I'm starting to freak out and cry. Why can I not see these two things coming out of my butt, I'm sobbing, blubbering gibberish and spittle running down my chin to my shirt. I'm gasping for air and crying and just about to blow a gasket (I'm 6 mind you ...) my mom finally had enough, "Dammit Craig ... TELL HIM NOW!!" I get all calmed down and start getting excited, I'm going to find out! he sits me down and tells me this ... "I have told you all week that you had two things coming out of your butt?" That's why I'm losing my shit, Dad "Well, I was talking about your legs. You're legs come out of your butt and you have two of them." all the while looking me straight in the eyes, he starts a famously wonderful shit-grin. Mom loses it again, throws her arms up in utter frustration/disappointment/disbelief. Sister virtually pissing herself in laughter. My dad gets up, smiling that smile, he walks away with a pat on the head. "Pay better attention next time."
groan.
TLDR: I was 6, told I have 2 things coming out of my butt for a week. finally told that they where my legs. facepalm and groaner.
edit: - waiting for the right moment to pull this one on my 5 and 7 yr old ...
back story: So my mom had a friend come over last night and i was in the kitchen getting a glass of water. They are talking about board games for whatever reason. So here's how it went down.
Mom: my favorite board game is sorry! Friend: my game of sorry is ruined because my son spilled milk on it. me: oh I'm "sorry" to hear that.
I cracked up. they didn't find it as funny.
At the dinner table and my mother asks:
"What is the difference between Ann Taylor and Ann Taylor loft?"
Grandfather: "One is higher than the other"
We had a good laugh.
Me: Hey dad, how do you [insert random task or activity]?
Dad: Very carefully.
He's been using this reply on me for fifteen years, since I was six years old. As such, it has become a daily usage for me. My girlfriend hates me for it.
Does that make you an iWitness?
Persons volunteer to tell jokes and whoever laughs has to pay $5. Since my friends and I were all lovers of quality humor, we accepted this challenge.
The guy proceeds to tell his joke and I've never laughed so hard in my life, my friends had tears in their eyes as well, from this clever witty joke.
We all proceed to grab our cash and pay him to which he replied:
"Don't worry about it guys, the joke's on me"
I gave him my wallet.
Sorry not a witty one-liner but peak of dad humor.
I replied: 'what happened to getting it the first time?'.
Edit: my highest rated comment is a dad joke. I'll do my best not to let it go to my head. (Unless i get a call, I'm posting this from my phone)
But frogs croak every night.
Once upon a time, there was a dad and he was very well known at gatherings with his witty humor and painful puns.
Then his son came along, and very quickly picked up on dad's gifts but he used them on the internet instead.
Dad mused for a minute, and said it must be heredditary...
That movie was way shorter than I thought it would be.
she comes back into the room after talking to the doctor
"So it looks like you have an ear infection, does it hurt?"
"No not really, it was ringing earlier but that's it."
"Well did you answer it?"
I burst out laughing, I never heard that one before and thought it was hilarious and had to share.
My best friend lives on the East Coast. I’m on the West. He often streams his games over Skype so I can hang out and watch. He was playing the Witcher 3, and fighting the water monster men. I said “They just want to know the shape of you,” and he coincidentally died at that moment.
He got really, really mad. I always knew my puns annoyed him a little, but when I was sad, he’d tell dumb puns he’d google to cheer me up. But he just went into a tangent on how much puns annoy him and how he doesn’t get that I keep doing them over and over again every day whenever I talk with him. Trying to stop or cut back on puns would be pretty difficult and make me sad; I love witty wordplay and commentary, and bottling it up feels awful. But apparently it really, really annoys him.
What should I do?
Hey redditors, I need your wit for a good cause,
I'm gonna graduate in less than two weeks and in my country (Italy) is traditional to give a token to those who attend the graduation and for that reason I've decided to brew some beers and give a bottle each. I'm now in the process of deciding the name of my beer and I would like to have something witty and cool but have no idea.
The possible themes would be graduation (or laurea in italian), bioengineering, biomedical engineering, engineering or, best of all, BOOBS (or any synonym) as that's the theme of my master thesis.
Thanks in advance for any help I'll get
The would-be mentor insisted on going to a seafood restaurant and then he ordered his favorite meal for the both of them. When the hard working, fresh-out-of-journalism-school grad asked the veteran newshound how he always managed to get witty phrases from the Prime Ministers and Presidents he interviewed, a sly smile swam across his face.
Intrigued, she watched intently while he reached for his wallet then removed a €5 note. Holding it toward her face over the table, she was surprised when the greying beat writer dropped the money directly on her uneaten dinner and held an index finger to his closed lips.
As they both looked down at the seafood platter, his paper Euro was suddenly sucked under the rings of fried calamari until it disappeared from sight. After what sounded like a stand-up comedian clearing his throat, a male voice with an Eastern European accent clearly rose out of her food. It said, "Trump asked for dirt on Biden so I sent him some good Ukrainian topsoil."
As the gobsmacked gal with mouth agape slowly raised her eyes to her grinning dinner guest's face, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "squid pro quote".
Required Explanation: "squid pro quote" is a play on words for the saying "quid pro quo", a Latin phrase meaning "something for something". In the news at the time of this posting a tremendous amount of discussion is being circulated about whether or not US president Trump dangled a quid pro quo offer in front of Ukraine's newly elected president, Volodymyr Zelensky. The deal had nothing to do with seafood however, so that was just a red herring. It should also be noted that Mr. Zelensky, before diving into politics, was a stand-up comedian.
Da-ta
Except for that Coinstar machine I knocked over, but that doesn’t count.
And in possibly one of my most brilliant moments, I exclaimed: "I guess that shelf.. couldn't hold its liquor".
I thought it was pretty good, anyways.
I used to post puns and dad jokes on my company’s intranet daily. About a year ago I stopped for one reason or another. I’d like to start again, but I need something witty to start it off. Any ideas?
My dad had knee surgery yesterday And my wife made some cookies, she wants to write some witty knee jokes on them with frosting and we "kneed" your help! Thank you in advance all your beautiful people !
Because with great power comes great response ability
Because with great power comes great response ability.
