So I was trying to think up a witty pun one day. Anyway, Indian food.

How's that for a Naan Sequitur?

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📅︎ Jan 10 2016
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*True Story* Was walking into a local bar for an afternoon of day drinking when I accidentally hit my head on a low hanging tree branch. I told my girlfriend, "That tree just just assaulted me!" She thought she was being witty replied "The tree thinks you assaulted it...."

I turned to her, asked "Do you know what we have here?" removed my sunglasses, "It's a case of he said, tree said."

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👤︎ u/sl33nky
📅︎ Aug 03 2021
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How does Spider-Man think of such witty comebacks?

Because with great power comes great response ability.

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👤︎ u/Kerlandays
📅︎ Jul 10 2020
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*some witty title*
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👤︎ u/haoraner
📅︎ May 03 2019
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Witty
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👤︎ u/Larpenator
📅︎ Oct 01 2019
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I can't come up with a witty title and I don't wanna ruin the joke, so just look at the goddamned picture
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👤︎ u/Asmor
📅︎ Mar 18 2015
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What must a witty perfume have?

Scents of humor

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📅︎ Nov 21 2019
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People spend real money on special shiny internet points for this site that are usually rewarded to comments that are humorous and witty.

Does that make those comments comedy gold?

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📅︎ Sep 28 2018
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My witty father got me with this long-con

One morning while sitting down for breakfast, my Dad looks up, points at my waist and exclaims, "What are those two things coming out of your butt?!" My 6 yr. old self wheels around like a dog chasing it's tail looking for said objects. nothing. I ask what they were and he says he's not sure, but that I will be fine. After school he get's home from work. Me: "Dad, do you those things coming out of my butt still?" Dad: "Yup" Repeat action and conversation from the morning again. And repeat again then next day, and the next ... 7 days in total I'm getting pissed my Dad see's them all the time but my Mom and older Sister don't. I surely don't see two things coming out of my butt. I'm starting to freak out and cry. Why can I not see these two things coming out of my butt, I'm sobbing, blubbering gibberish and spittle running down my chin to my shirt. I'm gasping for air and crying and just about to blow a gasket (I'm 6 mind you ...) my mom finally had enough, "Dammit Craig ... TELL HIM NOW!!" I get all calmed down and start getting excited, I'm going to find out! he sits me down and tells me this ... "I have told you all week that you had two things coming out of your butt?" That's why I'm losing my shit, Dad "Well, I was talking about your legs. You're legs come out of your butt and you have two of them." all the while looking me straight in the eyes, he starts a famously wonderful shit-grin. Mom loses it again, throws her arms up in utter frustration/disappointment/disbelief. Sister virtually pissing herself in laughter. My dad gets up, smiling that smile, he walks away with a pat on the head. "Pay better attention next time."

groan.

TLDR: I was 6, told I have 2 things coming out of my butt for a week. finally told that they where my legs. facepalm and groaner.

edit: - waiting for the right moment to pull this one on my 5 and 7 yr old ...

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📅︎ Sep 09 2013
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One of my most solid, and witty dad joke i have ever dropped.

back story: So my mom had a friend come over last night and i was in the kitchen getting a glass of water. They are talking about board games for whatever reason. So here's how it went down.

Mom: my favorite board game is sorry! Friend: my game of sorry is ruined because my son spilled milk on it. me: oh I'm "sorry" to hear that.

I cracked up. they didn't find it as funny.

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📅︎ Jan 04 2014
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My Grandfather is a witty one

At the dinner table and my mother asks:

"What is the difference between Ann Taylor and Ann Taylor loft?"

Grandfather: "One is higher than the other"

We had a good laugh.

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📅︎ Jun 08 2014
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My personal favorite witty response from my dad...

Me: Hey dad, how do you [insert random task or activity]?

Dad: Very carefully.

He's been using this reply on me for fifteen years, since I was six years old. As such, it has become a daily usage for me. My girlfriend hates me for it.

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📅︎ Jun 14 2014
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How does Spider-Man think of such witty comebacks?

Because with great power comes great response ability

👍︎ 95
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📅︎ Nov 22 2019
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How does Spider-Man think of such witty comebacks?

Because with great power comes great response ability.

👍︎ 52
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👤︎ u/Sardbox
📅︎ Oct 07 2019
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