We have to....She doesn't have one.
I can't really see what's so funny about it.
It’s lol-less
I can never run out of jokes.
She wanted me to quit making so many jokes. She thought it would de-pun our relationship
a punsexual
sarchasm
I wonder where I poo tit.
It can also be a verb.
People in Qatar don't like the Flintstones, But the people in AbuDhabi do!!
Me (rather pleased): "Really?" Her: "Yes. Would you like it back?"
Son, I'm looking for that tool of mine that makes holes in things. You know, the drill.
No funny business.
solemn.
Some say I’m shredded while others say I’m cheesy.
So, I'm not 100% this belongs here. Feel free to rip me a new one in the comments.
I work overnights at a hotel. Last night I had a drunk guy walk up to the desk. He looks at me and goes "No eyelids man. My nephew was born today and he doesn't have any eyelids."
I'm pretty used to drunk people coming up to the desk and talking at me, but this caught my attention. I tell the guy its not the worst thing in the world and I'm sure they will be able to fix it, its better than being born blind, etc.
The guy looks up at me and says, "Yeah, they're gonna use his foreskin to fix it....My nephew is gonna be cockeyed!"
[removed]
Son : I told your Tom Jones joke at school today and nobody laughed.
Me : Where did you tell it? Outside in the playground?
Son : Yes
Me : It must be an inside joke then.
Her> Would you like me to pack?
Me> We've only just met. I didn't know you were leaving already.
So my parents are trying to sell a house at the moment, but having a bit of trouble with it. Mum and dad were discussing it after dinner tonight, and mum was saying she was angry about how it wasn't selling.
Me: "Angry? You won't like her when she's angry."
Mum: "No actually, not really angry, I'm just upset."
Me: "You won't like her when she's upset!"
Dad: "Watch out! It's the Incredible Sulk!"
Because they are inside jokes
Moody
We we're in the car yesterday and he mentioned wanting to buy a CD by Queen. I asked him which one he would like and he said "he (Freddie Mercury) made a really good one before he died"
to which I replied "well.. aren't they all from before he died?"
"HA I GUESS THEY HAVE TO BE" he laughed
If the situation was reversed no way he wouldn't have answered the exact same thing. It was such a typical thing for my dad to say that I almost had a minor crisis
I'm only 21. And a female. And I'm already starting to become my dad
I drive a bloodmobile and we were at a blood drive last week where we usually bring a truck and set up inside the church we were at.
Donor: Why didn't you guys set up inside today?
Me: Couldn't fit the bus through the door.
Why couldn't the skeleton call the police? . Because he was missing his caller-bones.
Driving past a cemetery earlier
Younger brother: No wonder these places are always empty, they're so creepy
Dad: Are you kidding me? People are dying to get into this place.
We were watching the England Italy game and Raheem Stirling made a good run to the box, the commentator then says "great effort by Stirling there" to which my dad responded "shouldn't that be a Sterling effort?"
