Withdrawal some blood
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaun16player
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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ATM message after a failed Comedian tried to withdrawal from his account-

"Cannot withdrawal, insufficient puns."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/king9510
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2017
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Severe withdrawal from not reading Mark Twain

Delirium Clemens

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brainbanana
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2013
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Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money?

It suffered from withdrawals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 25
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Penny for your thoughts?
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Devanshi1618
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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I decided to withdraw all my money in my bank account into coins

I really need some change in my life

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBritishSnob
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
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I had a habit of excess masturbation but I'm glad I was able to beat it.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devmittal_civ16
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
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When my kids are old enough to start attending school, I play on withdrawing them after day one.

I refuse to let them receive anything less than a first class education.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sykilik101
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2016
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What's the reverse of withdrawing money from your account?

Deopposite

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2014
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Daughter: "That armored truck looks like an ambulance."

Me: "That's because it transports money going through withdrawals."

She hated that one so much I nearly wept with joy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/writenroll
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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What's the hardest part about being addicted to banking?

The withdrawals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrayingMantis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2017
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What’s the worst part about going bankrupt?

Dealing with the withdrawals...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PostCucumber
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2018
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I'm addicted to having money in my bank account.

I suffer from withdrawals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evilgeekwastaken
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2016
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Sometimes going to the bank feels worse than quitting heroin did.

I get cash withdrawals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scotscott
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
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Dadjokes at the bank.

Me (bank teller): "Hi, what can I do for you?"

Customer: "I'd like to make a deposit and if you could withdrawal some warm weather and deposit the cold I'd be happy with that too!"

The man then looked down at his kid who was grinning from ear to ear and gave him a high five. Had a nice chuckle after that one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ahain
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2014
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I don't have any kids, but does this mean I'm a dad now?

So I was at a friend's wedding yesterday (her last name actually was Friend) but anyway, it was a really fancy wedding on a boat. Well another friend (not related to the Friends) and I were sitting down waiting for things to start when I realized that I forgot to take my medicine that morning. I explained to friend 2 that one of the withdrawal symptoms is extreme dizziness and that soon I wouldn't be able to tell whether the water was rough or if it was just my medicine. A few minutes later, friend 2 looked to me and said, "You know, I think I'm in the same boat as you. I forgot to take my medicine this morning too." To which I replied, "You are in the same boat as me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oddark
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2015
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My dad's amazing golf pun

My family (Canadian) were talking about the PGA and the golfer Dustin Johnson became the subject of discussion. For anyone who doesn't follow golf, Johnson has come under some scrutiny lately for:

  1. Failing drug tests, leading him to withdraw from the PGA tour.

  2. Allegedly cheating on his girlfriend Paulina Gretzky (daughter of the hockey player Wayne Gretzky)

My dad then cracks this one:

"Looks like he's no longer in the PG, eh?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/plith
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
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