Started an OnlyFans account. Pretty excited for my early retirement
I'm working hard on something now so I can peacefully do nothing in retirement...
So I'm givin it all for nothing
Why did the crab have to delay retirement?
What would the terminator be called after his retirement?
Which country did Usain Bolt move to after his retirement?
Why don’t drummers come out of retirement?
I lost most of my retirement to that guy from Happy Days.
It was a real Fonzi scheme.
If a drummer comes out of retirement...
If a drummer comes out of retirement, will there be repercussions?
Fidelity just announced a retirement plan for Rock ‘n Rollers
It’s called the David Lee Roth.
At Bob's retirement party the Director stands up and says "I'd just like to say a word about Bob", clears his throat and then says, "plethora",
Bob turns to him and says, "thank you, that means a lot".
At my coworker's retirement party, I got up and said, "micro".
It meant very little to my retiring coworker.
After years in retirement, I lost all feeling in my fingers
you could say I am out of touch
Why did the terminator kill people even after retirement?
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
After I bought my dad his retirement condo, I asked him, “What do you want to do with it?”
He said, “I just...want to live in the present.”
Retirement job
When I retire I think I'll get a job as a waiter. I know it won't pay much but it'll put food on the table...
Did you heart about the baker who came out of retirement?
[Request] I need a tasteful pun about retirement for a principal of a school. Anyone got any?
What do you call it when a senior works well past retirement?
Retirement is four new tires
(Advice) What are some squirrel puns...need ideas for retirement party?
One of our support staff is retiring. She's been with us for about 10 years. She is known as "squirrel", her nickname from high school.
What are some puns I can use? I plan to have several small squirrel figures holding "signs" wishing her a happy journey, but want to be creative. This will be for a small room with food, cake, coffee, and good company.
I told my dad about Mark Roberts (the serial streaker), he asked me if I knew he was considering retirement.
Dad: "Hey you know that guy is considering retirement, right?"
Me: "Wait, really?"
Dad: "I'm serious, but he said he'd stick it out for another year."
What did the brain say at its retirement party?
Apparently George Lucas got tired of retirement
These days he's working on a new Internet Protocol, specifically for delivering Chinese food.
He's calling it eWok.
Dads thought's on retirement
Twice the husband on half the income
Dad-joked at the retirement home
The conversation at coffee hour turned to 3D printing.
Me: Hopefully we'll be able to 3D print pieces of meat so we don't have to have factory farms anymore.
Dad: "If we start printing the meat we'll have to eat it in megabytes."
He was very satisfied with the exasperated groaning from the rest of the table.
Is a Canadian retirement plan called an IR, eh?
The retirement center where my elderly grandmother lives has an annual 4th-of-July ball for the residents.
We call it "In Depends Dance Day."
my dad on retirement
He would always say, "When I retire, the University is going to give me a gold watch with nothing inside it."
"why, dad?"
"Because they've been givin me the works for years!"
I miss him.
I ate dinner at a retirement home today. After I sat down an older gentleman got up from his seat, slowly walked over to me, parked his walker, looked at me and said "you look new around here, if you ever need anything from me here's my card". [ xpost from r/pics]
My dad just received a really expensive set of kitchen knives as a retirement present. When asked if he liked his gift...
"It's pretty sharp!" was his reply.
Bought my dad a Mont Blanc for his retirement
Dad: " I can't take this"
Me: "Why not?"
Dad: looks me dead in the eyes "Because now I'm a pen shunner."
Police horse shot 3 days before retirement.
Veterinarians say that he's in stable condition.
Why did Michael Phelps come out of retirement?
Because he phelp like it.
What would the Terminator be called in his retirement?
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