In a recent interview with David Draiman a reporter commented on his remarkable quarantine weight gain.

Disturbed's lead singer just laughed like a monkey and said he was "down with the thiccness."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Catillionaire
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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I gain too much weight around the holidays

I need to stop eating cold turkey

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πŸ‘€︎ u/musingsofmadness
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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My friend Wat never gains weight on vacation

Wat goes a round, comes a round

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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I didn't mean to gain so much weight.

It happened by snaccident.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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I'm told pasta makes you gain weight

But I'm in for a penne so I'm in for a pound

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rhedkiex
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
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Why did the Trump supporter gain weight?

To own the lbs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1b1d
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
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Some friends of mine were talking about how eating pizza would make them gain weight

I responded by telling them that if I’m really patient, I gain wait

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IHaveTenderLoins
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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My partner is telling me that I'm gaining a lot of weight from eating a lot of Indian food

But I think it's a naan issue.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brichouse
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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When people comment on my gaining weight, I like to call my Dad body.

My father figure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
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My wife pointed out to me all the weight I’ve gained lately. She’s like β€œyou cannot even see your penis anymore!”

I’m like β€œthat’s not true, I caught a glans every once in a while.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dyspaereunia
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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You know gaining weight actually makes anything more attractive

Gravitationally attractive that is

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlueRac
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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My cat gained so much weight that I had to put her down

My arms got tired but I'll pick her up again later

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JennaTalia22
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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If you’ve gained weight and nobody wants to mention it, you are the elephant in the room reddit.com/r/Showerthough…
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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A side effect of gaining weight is often...

a waning gait.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flexremmington
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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people laugh my girlfriend because she gained weight

so I told her to lighten up. Ever since that day, she proposed a breakup, and I don't know why.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hokitonline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2017
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I stole this one
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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How does a clock get fat?

It gains weight OVER TIME

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jcaughman0225
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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Who was the fattest knight at King Arthur's round table?

Sir cumference

(Courtesy of my granddad today)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrapeJuiceAnyone
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
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I got the DNA test results back for my two adopted dogs...

I told my dad that one of the dogs is a purebred plott hound.

Dad says, "So if she gains weight, then the plott thickens."

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
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My dad told my mom to lose weight...

Dad: You are starting to gain weight. You need to need to start exercising.

Mom: Well where is the treadmill we used to own?

Dad: It went for a walk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheShariff
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2014
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My boyfriend dad joked my cousin today

So my boyfriend andi have been together for almosta year, and he has really spent a lot of time with my kids. We were ata birthday party for my son, and my cousin was wearing this shirt. She and I were talking and I told her she was too skinny and she was saying that she wasn't, was finally gaining weight, etc, when my boyfriend looked at her and said "That's not true, I can see your bones!" Took a second for everyone to realize it was a joke, and a room full of adults groaned while my boyfriend and I laughed.

Yup, he's definitely got a handle on the dad thing already.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vogueadishu
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2014
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