Voice Mail Puns

Me: What'd she say?

Dad: You want the long version or the short version?

Me: Short version.

Dad: Nothing.

Me: Ok the long version.

Dad: Nothing much.

Voice mail.

I was telling my dad about Siri, and how you could change its voice to be a British male. My dad asked if that made its name 'Post'. I didn't get it, but then I realized; British mail = post.

Dogs come when called, cats have voice mail.

At a wedding reception where the chocolates on the table were in nice looking package.

• Dad: Don't throw that way; I'll take them home.
• Mom: Great another of one thousand useless items that'll be on a shelf.
• Dad: Aaaaw, Honey -- I'd never put you on the shelf.

While watching a baseball game:

• Mom: Are they "boo'ing?" Nobody "boos" anymore.
• Dad: Hey can I have a blow job?
• Mom: Shut up.
• Dad: Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

In regards to meatloaf my mother made:

• Mom: Sorry the meatloaf isn't that good.
• Dad: It's Ok. But next time try adding some Alpo.

While eating at relatives' house:

• Mom: Wow. This is really good! We used to eat like this all the time growing up.
• Uncle: Really? Where I come from we just call it Hamburger Helper.

In regards to an inappropriately shaped child's toy:

• Me: Did you buy that at one of those special stores you guys got in San Francisco?
• Grandfather: What?! Of course not! God no - that's not mine!
• ...
• Grandfather: It's too small...

When my brother and I were screwing around instead of helping in the garage:

• Dad: You know, twice, twice! I thought I got it out quick enough but some must have dribbled back inside.

After listening to a 3 minute voice mail from my mother:

• Me: What did she want?
• Dad: You want the long or the short version?
• Me: Short.
• Dad: Nothing.
• Me: Ok long version.
• Dad: Nothing much.

So my dad called me and I missed the call, on my voice mail greeting I say to leave your name and number and I'll get back to you.

I noticed I missed his call and he left a voice mail, when I listened to the voice mail it was my dads voice saying "NAME, NUMBER" and it ended.

Classic dad.