What do you call a bee that is from the United States

A USB

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nobody492
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
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Was your waist the 16th president of the United States?

...cause those hips don’t lie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/connolnp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
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Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!

Wait. Sorry, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nikolai_G
πŸ“…︎ May 05
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United States of BEE
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elthedorito
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
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What do you say to The President Of The United States when he leaves abruptly?

Okay, Biden.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iwishidie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
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BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard

whoops wrong sub

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeterPorky
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
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Now that Donald Trump is no longer President, the United States is experiencing post-nut clarity.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/femifoodie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
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Donald Trump is currently organizing pigeons against the united states government.

He's plotting a coo

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
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What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?

Tanks for that.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Why does the norway navy have bar codes on the sides of its ships.

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.

πŸ‘︎ 487
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πŸ‘€︎ u/worthrone11160606
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
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Why does the Swedish Navy put barcodes on all of their ships?

To Scandinavian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/an0ddity
πŸ“…︎ May 02
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The United States Postal Service got jokes
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreenLeafGreg
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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Why does the Norwegian Navy put bar codes on the sides of their ships?

So when they get back to port they can Scandinavian!

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
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Why does the Norwegian navy put barcodes on their ships?

So they can Scandinavian!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ClemPrime13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
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Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.

She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….

EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❀️

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
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What unit of measure do pirates use?

YARRRDS

πŸ‘︎ 348
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbrasky43
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
Watt is the unit of power?
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IncompotentCyborg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
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News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...

To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thejohnblog
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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What do you call a detective dog's party held in the United Arab Emirates?

Scooby Dubai Do

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zippysausage
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
My 8 year old sons joke today. What’s a girls favorite unit of measurement?

(Gal)lons

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/static612
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
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Why does the Norwegian navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?

So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDisneyDork
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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What's the difference between the United States and United Kingdom

One word

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
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What do you call a Navy Seal with a prolapsed rectum?

bad ass

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannypWooley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
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I heard that France's Navy is a nice place.

They have a lot of FrenchShips.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnathan_M
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
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What state in the US drinks the smallest cans of soda?

Minnesota.

Yeah.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
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There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.

And then you will all be sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 01
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TIL The 1st United States Volunteer Cavalry, one of three such regiments raised in 1898 for the Spanish–American War, had dogs to go with them...

The were The Ruff Riders.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
|unit|

Absolute unit

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EpicGamerXander
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
What was the 16th president of the United States told before the dinner party?

Ay bring ham, Lincoln.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Keepscrollin-u
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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Missouri has the most bordering states (8, tied with tennessee) out of any of the 50 United States of America. You know what they say, Missouri loves company.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudemanandnewman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2017
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Why do the Norwegian navy men have barcodes on them?

So they can Scandanavian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/n0td4rkl0rd
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
If you can't appreciate this, please furgive me
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
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My 8 year old has created a new unit of measument...

She just picked up the squeeze ketchup and said, "I only need one fart of ketchup." She gives the bottle a single squeeze and gets her "one fart."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmackz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
My friend tried to ride his horse from Maine to the Southwestern United States for a type of bean but was hit by an older Ford...

It was a pinto.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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53 states would make us indivisible
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ekim84
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
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I'm not usually secretive when it comes to base units.

But there is one that makes me KG.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
The Swedish navy have labelled all their vessels with giant barcodes,

So when they return to port they can scan de navy in.......

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WeareStarstuff7
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
🚨︎ report
Last time I flew my plane a Navy pilot checked his speed right after me. Ground said he was doing 761 mph.

Knot gonna lie I think he was mach-ing me.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MahlonMurder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
🚨︎ report
The United States is a cancer.

Its birthday is July 4th.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/conundrumbombs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report
If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN

You get them VERY ANGRY

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sisrael81
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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Why is it spelled "Color" in the US but "Colour" in Britain?

Because after the revolutionary war, the freed United States told Britain defiantly, "We're getting rid of you".

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingdomgamer2019
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
What can jump higher, the empire state building or a kangaroo

The kangaroo cause the empire state building can't jump

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nobody492
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
I hear the United States is well stocked for a bird-of-prey flu epidemic...

There are plenty of ill eagle drugs for just such emergency.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Guys, today was my first day in the navy and I felt so lost!

Sorry, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 505
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crossover131
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What was the 16th president of the United States told before a dinner party?

Ay, bring ham, Lincoln

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mush_Tilly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report

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