Undertakes Puns

He was dead lifting

His motto is satisfaction guaranteed or your mummy back.

He is known to engrave things, though.

He's the last guy to let you down

I've made a grave mistake

My boss was supportive and told me I just had to rehearse it.

I couldn't dig it.

It’s a pretty big undertaking

He urns it.

Apparently he just serves Tombstones

Yeah they were both in grave danger.

That's the last thing I need.

It’ll be pay as you urn.

Since he started dating, his girlfriend would chastise him to great lengths everytime he felt the need to fart.

After they got married, the situation was maintained. He couldn't possibly fart near his wife. Sometimes he had to leave the house, just to pass some gas.

When he was really old, he died peacefully during in his sleep while lying on his back. She called the undertaker, so the arrangements for the funeral could be made.

When the undertaker rolled the man of the bed, there was a massive fart. The undertaker looked to the now widow to see how she was going to react, but she simply said:

"No need to chastise him anymore. Hee can RIP in Peace!"

I'm here about my coughin'.

He stiffed on a bet.

The graveyard shift

It was a huge undertaking.

That's a big undertaking

But it turned out to be quite the undertaking.

Backstory: Family friend has a new job, he's an Undertaker. He was in hospital because of a serious lung infection.

Dad: 'By the way [family friend] is an Undertaker now'.

Me: 'what!? Of all jobs I would have never have guessed that'.

Dad: 'yeh it surprised me too, he was in hospital not too long ago and was in a bad way'.

Step mother: 'yeh he had something with his lungs, an infection I think like pneumonia, almost killed him' .

Dad: 'doesn't surprise me though with him being in hospital, probably because of all that coffin'.

Dad: starts giggling to himself.

Me: 'really?...'.

Dad: 'what? I thought that was quite good'.

He has his moments.

It's too grave an undertaking.

It was a monumental undertaking.