Joke with a twist
Wife: I have to tell you something. Im pregnant.
Husband: hi pregnant! I'm dad!
Wife: no you're not.
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︎ Oct 28 2020
Son: "all these plot twists are making me confused"
Me: "Hi confused, I'm Mom"
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︎ Nov 06 2020
My kid thought I should be impressed that she made a zero out of a twist tie.
I told her sheβs 7, she should know that means nothing.
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︎ Jul 17 2020
If there is a record for how many times a person can twist their ankle
I think I might have broken it!
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︎ Jun 18 2020
*POT TWIST
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︎ Aug 02 2019
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︎ Sep 21 2019
Well .. that was a TWIST of words
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︎ Sep 13 2019
My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage.
I take that as a compliment.
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︎ Oct 15 2018
Plot twist
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︎ Dec 04 2017
My Asian friend owns a business where he twists and binds white t-shirts then soaks them in colored liquid...
I even have one of her Thai dye t-shirts.
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︎ Jan 05 2020
how do you not realise you should stop after one twist
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︎ Aug 04 2019
Im really looking forward to the new Hacking Twist in Call of Duty!
They call it Modem Warfare!
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︎ Dec 23 2019
What do you call a motorway with a lot of twists and turns
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︎ Aug 17 2019
Which movie has the greatest twist in its plot?
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︎ Aug 20 2019
My son couldn't figure out how to open our car door. I told him to twist it as hard as he can.
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︎ Sep 06 2019
Plot Twist:
They were graphing a helix all along.
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︎ Aug 01 2019
A priest twists his ankle, what's the first thing that happens?
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︎ Jul 04 2019
I was out in the club and they played "The Twist," so I did the twist. They played "the Macarena," so I did the Macarena.
Then they played "Come On Eileen" and I got kicked out.
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︎ Feb 16 2017
Screws are just nails with a twist. (Repost from r/showerthoughts)
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︎ Jan 25 2019
If you can twist a can into a knot,
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︎ Jun 15 2019
Scotch on the rocks with a twist
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︎ Jun 06 2018
A string goes into the bar and the bartender tells him, βWe donβt serve your kind hereβ the string then leaves, twists himself up and parts his hair, coming back to the bar, the bartender then asks, βArenβt you the string from yesterday?β
The string replies, βIβm a frayed knotβ
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︎ Oct 23 2018
I was shopping for some deodorant this afternoon. I noticed the instructions said βremove cap and twist up bottomβ
It hurts to walk now but my farts smell great!
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︎ Dec 11 2018
Here's a story with a nice twist
https://preview.redd.it/lwkkovmrkz211.png?width=2000&format=png&auto=webp&s=11dd11e7fdba807baadf681ca799f86be910fa66
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︎ Jun 09 2018
My wife said that I twist everything she says to my advantage.
I said, βThanks. That is really nice of you.β
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︎ Jul 31 2018
Plot Twist (x-post from /r/ExpectationVsReality)
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︎ Jun 08 2017
While out caroling one Christmas eve, Jeff & Don were tragically killed in the middle of singing "Deck the Halls". In a strange twist, they were reincarnated as ass-less leather chaps. Jeff looked at his friend and said...
..."Don, we now are gay apparel."
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︎ Dec 24 2015
My Dad's own twist on the "I'm hungry" joke
Let me start off by saying that I'm a Geography buff.
Me: Dad, I'm hungry
Dad: That's impossible!
Me: How?
Dad: I've been to Hungary and its much more pleasant than you are!
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︎ Aug 20 2013
I rip a good book apart to find out the plot twist
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︎ Jan 27 2018
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︎ May 10 2014
Did you hear about the new Indian version of Oliver Twist?
"Please, can I have somasa."
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︎ Sep 29 2014
What did Oliver Twist say while playing Settlers of Catan?
Please, sir, can I have some ore?
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︎ Nov 17 2013
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︎ Dec 08 2011
Idea for the next Star Trek TV show: back to classic Trek. The newest Enterprise, exploring the galaxy. Twist: it's crewed entirely by aliens
Star Trek: the Mex Generation
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︎ Apr 27 2016
Classic I'm Hungry with a twist
Sitting at my sister's house watching my niece.
My niece: "I'm hungry"
Me: "nice to meet you hungry"
My sister to my niece: "those cheesy jokes uncle says are called dadjokes"
Me: "guess I should go get some wine and crackers"
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︎ Jul 02 2014
A twist on a classic (that went right over my daughter's head)
"I'm chilly."
"Hi Chilli -- I'm T-Boz."
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︎ May 17 2016
Made this dad joke at dinner. Plot twist: I'm an 18 year old girl.
Family friend to me: That's why I like your dad so much. He's frank.
Me: No, no, he's PATRICK.
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︎ Dec 06 2013
Classic joke with a twist.
Me: "What's for dinner, I'm starving."
Dad: "Hi, Starving. I'm Dad."
Me: "NO! My name is DAVID. There is no 'starving' in my name."
Dad: "Oh okay. My mistake, No Starving David."
God damn it, dad...
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︎ May 26 2014
Classic dad joke with a twist
Hi, cheating on you, I'm Dad!
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︎ Apr 20 2020
My wife says I twist everything she says to my advantage....
I take that as a compliment
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︎ Oct 02 2019
My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage.
I take that as a compliment.
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︎ Jun 17 2019
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