Son: "all these plot twists are making me confused"

Me: "Hi confused, I'm Mom"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Plot twist
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Plus_Memes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Which movie has the greatest twist in its plot?

Twister

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryonnsan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Plot Twist:

They were graphing a helix all along.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/perverseverence
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Plot Twist (x-post from /r/ExpectationVsReality)
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/waka42
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2017
🚨︎ report
I rip a good book apart to find out the plot twist

I halve to know

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/parth556
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2014
🚨︎ report
Made this dad joke at dinner. Plot twist: I'm an 18 year old girl.

Family friend to me: That's why I like your dad so much. He's frank. Me: No, no, he's PATRICK.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2013
🚨︎ report
Puns! Quips. Jokes!
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/P131NYRFC3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My therapist told me that I have trouble interpreting social cues.

I think she’s in love with me.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I just went to go visit my late grandmother buried in the cemetery, but when I went there I found her dancing!

It was quite the Plot Twist

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nickycthatsme
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you break up a fight between two blind men?

Yell β€œMy money’s on the one with the knife!”

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grouchyjarhead
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I am reading a horror story in braille.

Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it...

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Exulton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I wish I could be ugly for one day.

Being ugly every day sucks.

πŸ‘︎ 355
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a Crow drive?

A: A Caaaaaa! (The sound a crow makes.)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bocaj_reload
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My main problem is that I second guess myself way too much.

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 276
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
🚨︎ report
So my cousin posted on Facebook today #IVotedForGary

My dad Gary responded:

"Thanks man, but I wasn't even running. I was walking."

Edit: Woah, this blew up more than I expected. Thanks, guys. I'll make sure to thank my dad for the fake internet points for a joke that made me groan. He's gonna love it.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HypnoticPeaches
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2016
🚨︎ report
If my current career doesn't work out, I might have a future in stripping.
πŸ‘︎ 267
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kellyjandrews
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2017
🚨︎ report
"Son, you're adopted".

Son: "Wow really? I'd never have guessed!".

Dad: "Im glad you're taking this so well".

Son: "Well I did have my suspicions".

Dad: "yes yes, anyway go pack your bags, your new parents will be here in 10 minutes".

πŸ‘︎ 161
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naiphe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
My boyfriend got me good.

Scene: Bf was getting ready for a skate session and discovered a tiny pocket in the back on the waistband of his shorts intended for keys.

Me: Don't put your keys there, you might fall and get stabbed in the kidneys.

Bf: It's cool, I still have two adult knees.

Me: Oh my god.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fionananana
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2013
🚨︎ report
A horse walked into a bar ...

A horse walked into a bar, the barman said "Hey" the horse replied "Sure"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JDPComedy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2015
🚨︎ report
His first Dad joke.

Me: "Honey, I'm pregnant."

SO: (a moment passes, and happy tears form in his eyes) "Hi, pregnant, I'm Dad."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wannabgourmande
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2014
🚨︎ report
Pulled this one at a restaurant last night with my girlfriends family

Waitress: "You guys look like you're slowing down, should I start wrapping?"

Me: "Sure I'll drop a beat"

Everyone at the table just pretended like they didn't hear it except for her grandfather who laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Not_Brandon_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2015
🚨︎ report
Last night, my wife texted me to tell me she landed.

I told her I thought that was the pilot's job.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spongebue
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2014
🚨︎ report
I just told my wife that my sex fantasy is fucking the sun

I said it was because I thought it would be pretty hot

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OfficialCyphrex
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm nowhere close to being a Dad and I just pulled this on a friend. I'm excited for my future. imgur.com/gP1NdsK
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lukamikudesu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2013
🚨︎ report
Have you seen the movie Constipation?

No? That's because it hasn't come out yet.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nyquill81
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2017
🚨︎ report
We just got a new toaster oven. "The inaugural toast."
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alanjtory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2013
🚨︎ report
Classic dad

When I was about seven, my dad came running into my bedroom and manically filing through my sock drawer. I asked him what he was doing and he said "Well, it seems all of my socks have holes in them!!" I quickly jumped up and started joining him, checking for holes in my socks. "Do you think it's mice, dad? Chewing your socks!?" I asked And he turned his head slowly, smiling and said "well... if my socks didn't have holes in them, I wouldn't be able to get my feet in..."

Fuck you dad. I love you.

πŸ‘︎ 611
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/siqsadworld
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
🚨︎ report
What do Run DMC listen to when eating Chinese?
πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Diasparo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2014
🚨︎ report
Remembering my first official dad joke.

My son had just been born, I'm talking freshly cut cord. My mother comes in to see him and notices a bottle of baby shampoo on the table.

"Ooh is that Baby Magic," she asks.

"Nah, he's just an ordinary baby."

Then I realized I was a real dad.

πŸ‘︎ 602
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JeffreyGlen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2014
🚨︎ report
My boyfriend and I were driving up his driveway when I found out he's a dad

"I'm gonna get the mail. There might be some femail in there too"

πŸ‘︎ 190
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/glitter_box
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2014
🚨︎ report
When you spin around in an allotment...

... that's a plot twist.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sammy_Colon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife has been asking for massages...

My wife is pregnant and one of the big things to prepare for labor and birth is relaxation and massage. She's always saying "rub me, please", or "do you want to rub me?"

I'll always tell her "I do rub you, I rub you a rot."

πŸ‘︎ 117
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LickItAndSpreddit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2013
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked my dad

Oh, to dadjoke the master…

http://i.imgur.com/UuF3Vp7.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticsimba
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2014
🚨︎ report
Never lose anything around my dad

So as a kid I would sometimes misplace items and ask for help looking for them. When dad would locate the item and hand it over he would say " lets just use this until we find the real one". I admit to using that one on more than one occasion at work as an adult now.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/devi11man
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
🚨︎ report
9yo son dadjoked me while rocking out to the radio

My son and I were just now driving home from visiting his grandmother with the radio somewhat cranked up.

Son: "Dad, what's your jam?" Me: "I am not really sure, I like many different kinds of music. What's your jam son?" Son: "Grape..... Grape jam."

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_riposte
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2015
🚨︎ report
Need help with a pun!

I recently posted a picture of a peaceful looking, meditating waldo with a title that reads "Plot twist. Waldo finds himself". My uncle replied with the awesome pun: "Waldo is my "om" boy!"

I need a pun to compete! Thanks for any help.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ibcurlyfry
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2015
🚨︎ report
Cemetery Humor

Have you heard the joke about the burial site that had to be turned 45 degrees?

There's a plot twist, but no punch line.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Infinitopolis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.