True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling βI stepped on a Bee!β
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
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︎ Mar 07 2021
True story: As kids, my sister and I were fighting over the TV remote and it got heated. The remote flew across the room and a couple AAA batteries fell out. My sister threw one at me, and I grabbed a nearby salt shaker and threw it at her.
My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"
She then left the room, cackling.
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︎ Mar 07 2021
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
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︎ Feb 27 2021
Itβs crazy that Dubai doesnβt show The Flintstones on TV
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︎ Feb 17 2021
Why can't they watch TV in Afghanistan?
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︎ Feb 10 2021
What do you call a TV dinner that's average at best?
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︎ Mar 20 2021
Why couldn't I find the TV remote??
It was in a remote location.
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︎ Mar 12 2021
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
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︎ Jan 13 2021
Iβm selling a TV for $1, but itβs broken and itβs stuck on the highest volume.
Itβs something you canβt turn down!
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︎ Feb 16 2021
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
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︎ Mar 05 2021
What is the most common nationality of the people who manufacture fake pubic hair for tv and movies?
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︎ Mar 02 2021
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
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︎ Feb 17 2021
Have you heard about the TV repairman's marriage?
The reception was excellent
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︎ Feb 16 2021
TIL my tv hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
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︎ Feb 13 2021
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, βDad get out of the way!β
I said, βYouβre the ones blocking!β
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︎ Jun 27 2020
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
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︎ Jan 25 2021
My dog has learned out to use the TV remote...
All she does is paws and unpaws.
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︎ Jan 02 2021
I went to a wedding yesterday where two tv antennas got married
The wedding was horrible but the reception was great
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︎ Jan 10 2021
What's a psychic's favorite TV network?
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︎ Jan 22 2021
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
Itβs a real game changer
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︎ Jan 13 2021
I couldn't resist the sexy TV remote
It was an instant turn on
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︎ Jan 14 2021
My TV started playing random Netflix shows. It was weird...
But Iβve seen Stranger Things
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︎ Nov 06 2020
My grandpa got a tv as a Christmas gift in 1948
It was a low New Years resolution
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︎ Jan 01 2021
What's a monkey's favourite TV show?
Thomas the Orangu-Tank Engine!
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︎ Dec 27 2020
If someone yawns on tv and yawning is contagious, that person has a chance of being a superspreader and causing a short yawndemic πΈ
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︎ Nov 22 2020
Why shouldn't you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
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︎ Oct 12 2020
Sherlock Holmes never buys a TV Guide at Christmas.
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︎ Dec 07 2020
Which TV show pair has the best chemistry?
Walter White and Jesse Pinkman.
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︎ Dec 14 2020
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
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︎ Oct 11 2020
(*in a late night TV voice*)
Have you been wearing glasses during the pandemic?!? Have you been wearing your mask?!? You may be entitled to condensation.
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︎ Dec 05 2020
Local TV weatherman breaks all of his limbs but insists on coming in to work...
...tune in at 11, to see his four-casts.
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︎ Nov 12 2020
My first gig out of school was directing a TV ad for tampons.
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︎ Sep 20 2020
I saw my wife slightly drunk yelling at the TV saying βdonβt go in there you idiotβ
She was watching our wedding video again.
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︎ Nov 01 2020
I can't find the control for my TV.
It must be in a remote location.
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︎ Sep 01 2020
My wife was changing through channels on TV. She asked me if I skip, too.
I said, βNo, running is faster.β
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︎ Nov 29 2020
Walmartβs onn brand of tv wall mounts.
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︎ Sep 22 2020
There's just shit on TV
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︎ Sep 26 2020
A TV pitchman was getting too fat ...
... butt weight there's more !
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︎ Nov 17 2020
Don't be worried about your smartphone and TV spying on you.
Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for years!
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︎ Jan 05 2020
What's it called when hyperactive grandma's buy flat screen TVs?
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︎ Oct 02 2019
Why donβt they watch tv in Afghanistan
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︎ Jan 30 2021
My girlfriend is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
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︎ Sep 29 2020
I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV
'Donβt go in there! Donβt go in the church, you moron!' She was watching our wedding video again."
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︎ Sep 05 2020
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