True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling βI stepped on a Bee!β
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
ποΈ 11k
π
οΈ Mar 07 2021
I hid the control for the TV
Iβm not even remotely sorry
ποΈ 16
π
οΈ Apr 10 2021
What do you call a Smart TV?
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Mar 29 2021
I just saw an announcement on TV. Seems thereβs a fortune teller that happens to be a dwarf, wanted by the FBI
To sum it up, thereβs a small medium at large.
ποΈ 21
π
οΈ Apr 04 2021
TV repair during the pandemic has been pretty easy.
Itβs mostly remote work.
ποΈ 23
π
οΈ Apr 10 2021
True story: As kids, my sister and I were fighting over the TV remote and it got heated. The remote flew across the room and a couple AAA batteries fell out. My sister threw one at me, and I grabbed a nearby salt shaker and threw it at her.
My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"
She then left the room, cackling.
ποΈ 28
π
οΈ Mar 07 2021
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Feb 27 2021
Why can't they watch TV in Afghanistan?
ποΈ 21
π
οΈ Feb 10 2021
Itβs crazy that Dubai doesnβt show The Flintstones on TV
ποΈ 60
π
οΈ Feb 17 2021
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
ποΈ 173
π
οΈ Jan 13 2021
What do you call a TV dinner that's average at best?
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Mar 20 2021
Why couldn't I find the TV remote??
It was in a remote location.
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Mar 12 2021
Iβm selling a TV for $1, but itβs broken and itβs stuck on the highest volume.
Itβs something you canβt turn down!
ποΈ 14
π
οΈ Feb 16 2021
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Mar 05 2021
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Feb 17 2021
What is the most common nationality of the people who manufacture fake pubic hair for tv and movies?
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Mar 02 2021
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, βDad get out of the way!β
I said, βYouβre the ones blocking!β
ποΈ 16k
π
οΈ Jun 27 2020
Have you heard about the TV repairman's marriage?
The reception was excellent
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Feb 16 2021
TIL my tv hates the outside world.
Whenever it faces outside it just glares.
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Feb 13 2021
My dog has learned out to use the TV remote...
All she does is paws and unpaws.
ποΈ 22
π
οΈ Jan 02 2021
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
ποΈ 18
π
οΈ Jan 25 2021
I went to a wedding yesterday where two tv antennas got married
The wedding was horrible but the reception was great
ποΈ 71
π
οΈ Jan 10 2021
What's a psychic's favorite TV network?
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Jan 22 2021
I bring my TV remote into every sports bar I go to so I can change the channel to whatever I want.
Itβs a real game changer
ποΈ 10
π
οΈ Jan 13 2021
My TV started playing random Netflix shows. It was weird...
But Iβve seen Stranger Things
ποΈ 148
π
οΈ Nov 06 2020
I couldn't resist the sexy TV remote
It was an instant turn on
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Jan 14 2021
Why shouldn't you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
ποΈ 136
π
οΈ Oct 12 2020
If someone yawns on tv and yawning is contagious, that person has a chance of being a superspreader and causing a short yawndemic πΈ
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Nov 22 2020
My grandpa got a tv as a Christmas gift in 1948
It was a low New Years resolution
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Jan 01 2021
What's a monkey's favourite TV show?
Thomas the Orangu-Tank Engine!
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ Dec 27 2020
Sherlock Holmes never buys a TV Guide at Christmas.
ποΈ 25
π
οΈ Dec 07 2020
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
ποΈ 68
π
οΈ Oct 11 2020
Which TV show pair has the best chemistry?
Walter White and Jesse Pinkman.
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Dec 14 2020
My first gig out of school was directing a TV ad for tampons.
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ Sep 20 2020
(*in a late night TV voice*)
Have you been wearing glasses during the pandemic?!? Have you been wearing your mask?!? You may be entitled to condensation.
ποΈ 7
π
οΈ Dec 05 2020
Local TV weatherman breaks all of his limbs but insists on coming in to work...
...tune in at 11, to see his four-casts.
ποΈ 34
π
οΈ Nov 12 2020
I can't find the control for my TV.
It must be in a remote location.
ποΈ 110
π
οΈ Sep 01 2020
I saw my wife slightly drunk yelling at the TV saying βdonβt go in there you idiotβ
She was watching our wedding video again.
ποΈ 44
π
οΈ Nov 01 2020
Walmartβs onn brand of tv wall mounts.
ποΈ 22
π
οΈ Sep 22 2020
What's it called when hyperactive grandma's buy flat screen TVs?
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Oct 02 2019
Don't be worried about your smartphone and TV spying on you.
Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for years!
ποΈ 9k
π
οΈ Jan 05 2020
My girlfriend is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
ποΈ 108
π
οΈ Sep 29 2020
I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV
'Donβt go in there! Donβt go in the church, you moron!' She was watching our wedding video again."
ποΈ 141
π
οΈ Sep 05 2020
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