I'll admit it. I have a tremendous sex drive.

My girlfriend lives 80 miles away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2022
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My wife asked me why our fridge was full of stir fry this morning.

Turns out I was sleep wokking again.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2022
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It doesnt matter if you’re tall or short, thin or fat, rich or poor, at the end of the day...

It’s night.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr-Merg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2022
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A struggling young news reporter was having trouble getting good sound bites from the politicians she was sent out to interview, so she invited an experienced colleague out to dinner to ask for advice.

The would-be mentor insisted on going to a seafood restaurant and then he ordered his favorite meal for the both of them. When the hard working, fresh-out-of-journalism-school grad asked the veteran newshound how he always managed to get witty phrases from the Prime Ministers and Presidents he interviewed, a sly smile swam across his face.

Intrigued, she watched intently while he reached for his wallet then removed a €5 note. Holding it toward her face over the table, she was surprised when the greying beat writer dropped the money directly on her uneaten dinner and held an index finger to his closed lips.

As they both looked down at the seafood platter, his paper Euro was suddenly sucked under the rings of fried calamari until it disappeared from sight. After what sounded like a stand-up comedian clearing his throat, a male voice with an Eastern European accent clearly rose out of her food. It said, "Trump asked for dirt on Biden so I sent him some good Ukrainian topsoil."

As the gobsmacked gal with mouth agape slowly raised her eyes to her grinning dinner guest's face, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "squid pro quote".

Required Explanation: "squid pro quote" is a play on words for the saying "quid pro quo", a Latin phrase meaning "something for something". In the news at the time of this posting a tremendous amount of discussion is being circulated about whether or not US president Trump dangled a quid pro quo offer in front of Ukraine's newly elected president, Volodymyr Zelensky. The deal had nothing to do with seafood however, so that was just a red herring. It should also be noted that Mr. Zelensky, before diving into politics, was a stand-up comedian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/podgress
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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Smart Pillow

I'll tell ya what, that smart pillow guy knows what he's doing. Pillow is tremendous, well worth the 10 years of researching pillows.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DubiousSwindler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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What do famous architects have in common?

Tremendous builds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
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