Did you know that a single sperm contains 37.5 MB of DNA information? Meaning that, during 3 seconds long ejaculation, more than 11,250 TERA bytes of information is transmitted.

That's alot of information to swallow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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The World Health Organizatuon has discovered that Coronavirus cannot be transmitted between dogs and humans. They have released all quarantined dogs.

To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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The World Health Organization has declared that dogs cannot transmit the Corona Virus and should not be quarantined any longer.

W.H.O. Lets the dogs out!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rgapinski
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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The World Health Organization has declared that dogs cannot transmit Coronavirus, and there is no reason to quarantine dogs anymore. /r/Jokes/comments/fe5cmp/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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When someone on Earth transmits complaints to an astronaut in space, their argument is quickly escalated.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmHumanSoAMA
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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Did you hear about the new soda that cures sexual transmitted infections?

It's called Hep-C Cola.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TraditionSmashed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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I just found out my girlfriend gave me an STD

I’m gonorrhea-valuate our relationship

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountaineer?

Nothing - you can't cross a vector with a scalar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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WHO?

So it seems that the World Health Organisation has determined that canines cannot contract or transmit the CORONAVIRUS. They are releasing all dogs from infected homes which are currently in quarantine.

Yes, we're happy to say that WHO let the dogs out. WHO? WHO, WHO,WHO. WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!

Thank you very much, I'm here all week. Dont forget to tip your waitress....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mdoldon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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What exactly is life?

A sexually transmitted disease

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HadeszK
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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A young woman runs a science experiment.

Once, there was a young woman who wanted to do a little psychological experiment. So she carefully bred cherry trees to bloom in multiple colors, and arranged to have them planted such that the trees of one color would spell out the name of some other color. You know, to test the Stroop effect.

However, the instructions (which were, admittedly, odd) weren't transmitted to the workers (all starving underpaid grad students) effectively, so the groups of various colored cherry trees were planted such that the colors matched the names, completely invalidating her experiment.

She's now the Stroop drupe group blooper girl, Stroop drupe blooper girl, Stroop drupe blooper girl...

She now focuses on Anglo-Saxon royalty.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/derleth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2016
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When furniture shopping, I insisted that we buy a couch and lounge chair separately. We can’t risk getting...

sectionally transmitted diseases!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
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[META] A plea for real dad jokes.

EDIT: I somehow JUST saw the Mod Sticky post from last week, where a lot of users have expressed similar sentiments to these. I apologize to the mods if this is not appropriate and respect your decision if you want to delete it. I just wanted to see if people were thinking the same kind of thing. Still, read it if ya like.

It used to be that /r/dadjokes was a place to post actual stories of real dad humor. 'My dad pulled out this groaner at dinner.' 'Just became a dad...I think I get it now!' These are the things that warm my heart and tickle my corny bone. And I don't think I'm alone.

Now, we're arrogant enough to think we know the formula for dad humor, so we can post anything reminiscent of it, and it counts as a dad joke. It's as if we think we own dad humor now, and we can bend it and shape it at will.

Let me tell you, folks. WE DO NOT OWN DAD HUMOR.

Even the dads among us don't own it. I think the universe just channels it through them in brilliant, glorious, involuntary sneezes. Some are more deft than others, and are seen by the universe as more worthy outlets. But they do not own it.

We can get close to elusive heart of dad humor, we can approach it, we can dance around it...but we can never touch it. This is where I take issue with posts like this one, which currently has over 4000 upvotes and 2000 net karma. Is it reminiscent of dad-like punly-ness? Would a dad chortle heartily at reading it? Yes, almost certainly yes. But does that make it a dad joke? No...I would argue not.

Dad jokes are also not just about the jokes themselves. They're about the response--that he manages to be surprised at his own genius, even on the eightieth repetition. They're about the face-palms and straight stares of family members. What is a dad joke without context?

My proposed solution: ban link/image posts. I wish it wouldn't have to come to that, but I can't see another way to get back on track to the real goal here. I have hover zoom--I understand the desire for instant gratification. I've skipped over interesting looking videos because they required a click.

But that's not why I come here.

I understand that there are legitimate dad jokes transmitted via text, or perhaps requiring a bit of visual context. At this point, though, I think they are a necessary sacrifice for a righteous cause. They can always be transcribed into text, or included in a self-post. Maybe it seems a bit extreme, especially in the face

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlapYourHands
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2013
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I want a sofa and love seat, my wife wants a sectional. I say. "No way! I don't want any..."

"...sectionally transmitted diseases!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2017
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Sort of SO told me that I should swim unprotected with sharks.

I replied with "Idk, I may end up with an STD...a Sharksually Transmitted Disease."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thecody17
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2017
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Dad drinking his sports drink...

"So sad... Sexually transmitted reptile disease. GatorAIDS."

Booooo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mm0k
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2015
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I went to the dermatologist the other day...

I had the doctor check out a skin condition on my ear. After looking at it for a couple minutes I asked if it might be a sexually transmitted disease. The doctor said no and asked why I thought it was. I told her that my girlfriend had been traveling a lot lately so we have been having phone sex.

Later the doctor gave me a shot that hurt worse than any shot I had ever gotten. When I asked what the shot was for the doctor said, "the joke".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReverendKen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2016
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The World Health Organization has declared that dogs can’t transmit corona virus and therefore dogs don’t need to be quarantined anymore.

W.H.O let the dogs out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zuckerschneggle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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