Went to visit my grandpa's final resting place and he left a message for me on his tombstone. I couldn't make out what it was.

It was a very cryptic message.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlovenianHusky
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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I feel like if my family and friends were selecting the epitaph for my tombstone they would go with "He meant well."

Especially if my last words were "Help! I fell in the wall!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bleacher_seat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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RIP
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M_Arslan_Tahir
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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What does every tombstone have in common?

They're all engraved.

(I told this to my five year old this morning and got a very satisfying groan.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bondjimbond
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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What did the customer say when the stone carver messed up his tombstone?

You've made a grave mistake...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dinner_cat96
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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Himalayan tombstones don't say RIP.

They say Everest

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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What's it Called When Someone Has Sex on a Tombstone?

If it's two monsters, it's a monster mash.

Otherwise, it's a graveyard smash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anonymoushenry
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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I bought a tombstone but i realized it was counterfeit

What a RIP-off

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MMWItalianWolf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
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My late father’s tombstone got vandalized

Police are calling it a grave matter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShowPan69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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On my tombstone....

I want it to read "Not enjoying my jokes when I was alive was a grave mistake".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DawnOfArkham
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2017
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I'm concerned about grave marker and tombstone sales

It just seems like a dying industry...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfqs6m
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
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On my tombstone it will show I've made a grave mistake telling jokes my whole life.

STahp

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πŸ‘€︎ u/psiursus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2017
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"This looks dangerous. What do you want on your tombstone?"

Dad: "Extra Cheese."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxswat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2015
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A bit too late for confession, Arthur.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
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I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself

That's the last thing I need.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AF-firm
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2017
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A older man was slowly becoming sicker and sicker as time went on....

The man never took it seriously at first, he figured he was just getting older and blamed it on age.

After a few weeks, the man has developed an incredible frequent and annoying cough.
His wife is annoyed and is constantly telling him to go the doctor, but the man kept refusing.

One day during an argument, his wife has had it with his coughing and hacking and tells him "Im making a bet, if this damn coughin kills you i'm writing ' I told you so' on your tombstone!"
The man laughs her off since they both have a twisted sense of humor, and tells her its a deal, if the coughin kills him she can carve that.
The man continues on for another week

One day the man is out going for a walk through his neighborhood, when a freak accident occurs between a truck carrying coffins and a car, which results in a coffin flying off the truck, tragically landing on the old man and kills him.

Later at his funeral, his wife makes a very odd request to have them carve "I told you so" on his headstone.

When the caretaker asks her why she wants to do this, she tells him about their dark humor, and fills him in on the bet they recently made.
The caretaker is touched by the story, and agrees to do it for her, because in the end,

It was that damn coffin that killed him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsArgon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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The Undertaker opened a pizza place, but it isn’t doing very well

Apparently he just serves Tombstones

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Souplorde
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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A cow dog limps into a saloon out West.....

And places a bandaged limb on the bar. He announces, "I am looking for the man who shot my paw!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IranRPCV
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2017
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People keep telling me to buy one of those fancy rocks for my gravesite.

But a tombstone is the last thing I'll need.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotatoPotahto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2017
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My family is driving through a cemetery...

and we pass one of those memorial/tombstone benches that has the last name "Smart" on it.

"Those are for Smart asses," he says.

Nice one, dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iiAzido
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2016
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What's the best pizza to serve at a funeral?

Tombstone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluebreeze52
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2017
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Dad really liked Billy Mays

"Did you hear what they just did with Billy Mays' tombstone?"

"No..."

"They changed the inscription. Now it reads: BILLY LAYS HERE"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GlucoseGlucose
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2014
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The ones I tell as I drive past a graveyard...

(And yeah, I need some new material. :) )

This is a grave situation.

People always take the tombstones for granite.

That's the place where dead people live.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TexasAndroid
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2014
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"Why did they bury them?"

Today over supper, we were talking about a cemetery nearby which was recently discovered to contain centuries-old tombstones buried along with the corpses underground. I found this to be strange since typically the tombstones are above ground. During the conversation, this happened:

Me: "Why did they bury them?"

Dad: "Because they were dead!"

... the tombstones dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BananApocalypse
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2013
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