How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each other’s jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?

Asking for a friend

πŸ‘︎ 622
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between the police response to Black Lives Matter protests and their response to the Capitol Hill riots?

Well, it’s black and white.

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thisDiff
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
NASA scientists say it may be possible to live on Mars.

What a load of rubbish, I tried it and now I'm five stones heavier and diabetic.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PanixATK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started dating the girl next door.

Eventually we drifted apart.

πŸ‘︎ 655
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to live paycheck to paycheck...

....but now that I'm older and better established, I live direct deposit to direct deposit.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a plan to live on two bucks for the whole next year.

Step 1: get a hunting license.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aaanold
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I have recently been made homeless and have to live in my car...

...Now every room is the living vroom

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Triggers--Broom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...

"...mountains peak!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm going to live forever

or die trying.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know the top 15 states to live in?

Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, & Maine

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ttynny20
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve always wanted to live in a lighthouse...

I’ve been on and off the idea for years.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What animals love to live in a sewer?

Turdles.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The vet said our chick has survived through the accident, but his brain was damaged so he’d have to live the rest of his life a vegetable.

Guess we’ll call him Eggplant now

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PoohsySlayer69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my Chinese friend what it's like to live in China

He says he can't complain

πŸ‘︎ 265
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dudebrostien
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the germaphobe go away to live by himself?

He wanted to be hermitically sealed.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TopGovtOfficial
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s a horse that lives next door to me.

He’s my naaay-bur

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeke_Smith
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter tells me that she wants to live in a nice house with her friends when they all have stable jobs.

I said, β€œWell sweetie, that’s nice, but I just can’t see you and your friends shoveling manure for a living.”

To which she replied, β€œOh no? I thought you said that I could be president if I wanted to!”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve decided to tell my kids that I want to live my life as a woman

It’s better to be honest, I just want to be transparent

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nymphomanius
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Most Russian people I know live life to the max

They make the Muscovit

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Panteros
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
In England, if you pay money to live in a toilet, you can tell people you're a loo tenant
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Croe01
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man who lost his home and had to live on the streets?

He was really bummed...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_narrow_road
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Oh, to live in the UK.

Gaining 25 pounds is a good thing there.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/outtastudy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?

Because they're not tenants

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterbill
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a snakes favorite place to live ?

Missssissssipi

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/datdragonfruittho
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Ever heard of the polar bear that lives on both north & south poles, is manic depressive and attracted to both sexes?

Hes known as the bi-polar bi-polar bi polar bear.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
It's been a lifelong dream of mine to live in a house with my own clone. But the science has just come out that most people would hate dealing with someone identical to them.

I just don't think I can live with myself after hearing that.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFillywonk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
The doctor gave me 10 years left to live.

I killed him and the judge gave me 60!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkwad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
We used to live on a very busy main road.

But after our 4th child got run over, we decided to move into a house.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I can't seem to grow oats or barley, or spelt in the mountains where I live. I guess it's true what they say...

No plains no grains

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ahughman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
During the pandemic, I plan to build a new underground shelter to live in.

It's my new digs.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Best thing about these meme format is we get to repost jokes we’ve heard our entire lives
πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/imitaisskii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the man who lives without technology and got amputated to the elbows?

Armish.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AXLISMYGOD
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
If you want to live drama-free, you should move to India.

They don't have beef with anyone.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Burpmeister
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
🚨︎ report
"Doctor please help, I've got 59 seconds to live!"

Doctor: " I'll be with you in a minute"

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A doctor gave a man 6 months to live

The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another 6 months

πŸ‘︎ 585
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ar1stocrat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad was told he only had 6 months to live. He said he wanted his ex wife to come live with him

Because It would be the longest 6 months of his life.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
The doctor told me I had one year to live

And that was a year ago, yet I'm sti

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard of the woman who lives next to the river?

Her name is Mrs. Ippi.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheV1p3r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
"He's the most foul mouthed person to ever live!" screamed the scientist who cloned himself and later tried to throw the clone off the roof.

He was arrested for attempting to make an obscene clone fall.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notagoodspelller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
The good news is that you're going to live the rest of your life like a billionaire.

The bad news is .... it's Howard Hughes.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a small, male horse that lives next to you?

A neighboy.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buketmann
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I have no raisin to live
πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ARandomOven
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started seeing the girl next door.

Eventually we drifted apart.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
In my twenties, I used to live on a houseboat, and started seeing the girl next door.

Eventually we drifted apart.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was in college, I used to live in a houseboat and started seeing the girl next door.

Eventually we drifted apart.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was in college, I used to live on a houseboat and started dating the girl next door.

Eventually we drifted apart.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report

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