How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each otherβs jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?
π︎ 622
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
Whatβs the difference between the police response to Black Lives Matter protests and their response to the Capitol Hill riots?
Well, itβs black and white.
π︎ 80
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
NASA scientists say it may be possible to live on Mars.
What a load of rubbish, I tried it and now I'm five stones heavier and diabetic.
π︎ 37
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started dating the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
π︎ 655
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
I used to live paycheck to paycheck...
....but now that I'm older and better established, I live direct deposit to direct deposit.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
I have a plan to live on two bucks for the whole next year.
Step 1: get a hunting license.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
I have recently been made homeless and have to live in my car...
...Now every room is the living vroom
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
I'm going to live forever
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
Do you know the top 15 states to live in?
Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, & Maine
π︎ 23
π
︎ Oct 15 2020
Iβve always wanted to live in a lighthouse...
Iβve been on and off the idea for years.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
What animals love to live in a sewer?
π︎ 32
π
︎ Sep 30 2020
The vet said our chick has survived through the accident, but his brain was damaged so heβd have to live the rest of his life a vegetable.
Guess weβll call him Eggplant now
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 12 2020
I asked my Chinese friend what it's like to live in China
He says he can't complain
π︎ 265
π
︎ Aug 21 2020
Why did the germaphobe go away to live by himself?
He wanted to be hermitically sealed.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 12 2020
Thereβs a horse that lives next door to me.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
My daughter tells me that she wants to live in a nice house with her friends when they all have stable jobs.
I said, βWell sweetie, thatβs nice, but I just canβt see you and your friends shoveling manure for a living.β
To which she replied, βOh no? I thought you said that I could be president if I wanted to!β
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 18 2020
Iβve decided to tell my kids that I want to live my life as a woman
Itβs better to be honest, I just want to be transparent
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jul 05 2020
Most Russian people I know live life to the max
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 13 2020
In England, if you pay money to live in a toilet, you can tell people you're a loo tenant
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 15 2020
Did you hear about the man who lost his home and had to live on the streets?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 29 2020
Oh, to live in the UK.
Gaining 25 pounds is a good thing there.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 14 2020
Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?
Because they're not tenants
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Jul 03 2019
What is a snakes favorite place to live ?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
Ever heard of the polar bear that lives on both north & south poles, is manic depressive and attracted to both sexes?
Hes known as the bi-polar bi-polar bi polar bear.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 04 2020
It's been a lifelong dream of mine to live in a house with my own clone. But the science has just come out that most people would hate dealing with someone identical to them.
I just don't think I can live with myself after hearing that.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jul 18 2020
The doctor gave me 10 years left to live.
I killed him and the judge gave me 60!
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 20 2020
We used to live on a very busy main road.
But after our 4th child got run over, we decided to move into a house.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 29 2020
I can't seem to grow oats or barley, or spelt in the mountains where I live. I guess it's true what they say...
π︎ 24
π
︎ Apr 04 2020
During the pandemic, I plan to build a new underground shelter to live in.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 10 2020
Best thing about these meme format is we get to repost jokes weβve heard our entire lives
π︎ 57
π
︎ Feb 10 2020
What do you call the man who lives without technology and got amputated to the elbows?
π︎ 20
π
︎ May 07 2020
If you want to live drama-free, you should move to India.
They don't have beef with anyone.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Mar 21 2020
"Doctor please help, I've got 59 seconds to live!"
Doctor: " I'll be with you in a minute"
π︎ 37
π
︎ Feb 26 2020
A doctor gave a man 6 months to live
The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another 6 months
π︎ 585
π
︎ Aug 06 2019
Dad was told he only had 6 months to live. He said he wanted his ex wife to come live with him
Because It would be the longest 6 months of his life.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Nov 30 2018
The doctor told me I had one year to live
And that was a year ago, yet I'm sti
π︎ 19
π
︎ Dec 29 2019
Have you heard of the woman who lives next to the river?
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jan 22 2020
"He's the most foul mouthed person to ever live!" screamed the scientist who cloned himself and later tried to throw the clone off the roof.
He was arrested for attempting to make an obscene clone fall.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 15 2020
The good news is that you're going to live the rest of your life like a billionaire.
The bad news is .... it's Howard Hughes.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 26 2020
What do you call a small, male horse that lives next to you?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 13 2020
I have no raisin to live
π︎ 34
π
︎ May 26 2019
In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Aug 11 2020
In my twenties, I used to live on a houseboat, and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ May 24 2019
When I was in college, I used to live in a houseboat and started seeing the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Apr 05 2020
When I was in college, I used to live on a houseboat and started dating the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
π︎ 43
π
︎ Feb 09 2020
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