My mate Dave told me he’s started shaving his head to hide his thinning hair.

I think it’s a pretty bald strategy.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/littleboypunder
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
🚨︎ report
It doesn’t matter if you’re tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor, at the end of the day....

It’s night

πŸ‘︎ 235
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VaughnSD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently a lot of sniffer dogs are just vanishing into thin air.

Police say, they have several leads.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was making gravy for dinner, and she added some corn starch, but it got too thick. To thin it out she added some water, but then it was too thin again. It went back and forth a few times before I said...

Ahh. I get it. It’s a viscous cycle.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PocketCornbread
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
People ask me why you so thin

Because i am thinking

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grapos
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been trying out some new knitting patterns, but I think my yarn is too thin

Sorry wrong thread

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alecdoconnor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle's friend won the Olympic gold with an epee made from a disposable thin metal sheet often used in cooking...

It was a good aluminum foil

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Thin soup
πŸ‘︎ 314
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πŸ‘€︎ u/markrakosfalvy
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How does the Queen (of England) stay so thin?

She keeps all her pounds in the bank.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashtehstampede
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Time fly!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hello_stranger-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a tall, thin girl with big feet?

Elle

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trev2-D2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't like thin pancakes..

They just crepe me out.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bentnotbroken96
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you a thin turtle that is a god?
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xoyamec69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm going to show you a magic trick and make two bras out of thin air

Abracadabra

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yogeshbiebz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to rob a bank but the vault was covered in a thin layer of aluminum

Needless to say, my plans were foiled

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElizaWolf8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line.

Only a fraction of people will understand this

πŸ‘︎ 119
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shouted…

"This is a stick up!"

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
*pulls candy bar out of thin air*

Kid: WOW are you a magician?

Me: no, but I have a couple of twix up my sleeve

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/renskappert
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone keeps putting very thin sheet metal around my garden...

They keep foiling my plot!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A preacher with a lisp hired a sinner to paint his church. To save money, the sinner man added water into the paint can. It didn’t work well. The preacher told him:

Young man, you need to repaint and thin no more.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I just told a dad joke so shit my wife shouted at me and stormed off (not a joke)

She said I wish you would put as much effort into life as you do your shitty jokes. It wasnt even that bad.

The man on the news said "...in the run up to christmas stores are already announcing record sales" I said "thats not news HMV* announces record sales everyday".

*HMV is a music shop.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitcheg3k
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad gave me the golden dad joke medal for this one...

Me: You've heard of Murphy's Law, right?

Mum: Yeah.

Me: What is it?

Mum: It's to do with bad luck.

Me: Cool, have you heard of Cole's Law?

Mum: No. What is it?

Me: It's thinly sliced cabbage

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryaton13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was on trial for producing cents covered in a thin layer of gold...

They found him gilt-y.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine spotted a customer who looked quite thin
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Berkelium_BK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2017
🚨︎ report
My workmate's patience is running thin
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/messwell
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call two thin guys hanging on your wall above a window ...

Kurt and Rod

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend said "My patience is running paper thin right now"

I said thats tearable

πŸ‘︎ 304
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rshambo_29
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Painting a Church

A painter is desperate and bids low for a contract to paint the outside of a church. He figures he could still make a profit by adding water to the paint. He wins the contract.

He goes out one sunny day and after a long day's work, he finishes. Thunder cracks and the rain washes away the paint. A voice from the sky booms, "Repaint and thin no more!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between Murphys Law and Coles Law?

Murphys Law is the idea of anything that can go happen, will happen. Coles Law is just very thin sliced cabbage.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OctoBear87
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I replaced my bowstring with a thin tree limb.

It will break eventually, but it hasn't yet, so I'll nock on wood!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freeaboo_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call white thin bricks

Blank slates....

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Citydoodle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Lost my bread knife the other day..

I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sterntoothz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
If soft drinks came long, thin, wooden tubes, it would be fantastick.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkDeathDragon
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I miss my SO a lot. I end up kissing and hugging thin air and she says it makes me look ridiculous. How do I recalibrate my aim? (r/fifthworldproblems) reddit.com/r/fifthworldpr…
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBadger40
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I'd just like to thank my legs for supporting me through thick and thin.

And my arms for being by my side for all these years.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naiphe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s white, thin, and colored on by kids?

Me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rogan2929
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a thin skeleton?

Narrow Marrow

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doyoueverjustleft
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
🚨︎ report
My magician friend’s signature trick is to make cute kittens appear out of thin air.

His stage name is The Wizard of Awwws.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Gandhi

Gandhi, by the time he died, he was a very thin and elderly man who had walked almost everywhere he went barefoot causing thick pads on the bottom of his feet. He was also an extremely wise man who many considered a seer, and he ate ethnic Indian cuisine causing bad breath........Turns out he was a super fragile calloused mystic hexed by halitosis.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aw8nf8
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Mama Frog was really struggling with her youngest, Little Hop. He couldn’t seem to sit still!

That is, at least not long enough to learn any of the many, many important things a frog needs to learn in order to be a frog.

You see, a frog needs to be super slick in order to get by. A frog without proper skills, well, he may as well be a toad.

Anyways, every time Mama Frog went about trying to teach Little Hop something, he would just bounce.. and bounce.. and bounce..

And every time Mama Frog had reached her limit of patience, right before giving up, she’d say to Little Hop, β€œIf you keep on keepin’ on hoppin around all aimless, I’m gonna turn you into a toad!”

Which, upon hearing, Little Hop would stop his hop and settle. You see, he knew well enough that he wanted no part of being a toad.

Well, on one particular day, during one such lesson, Little Hop had taken again to bouncing here, and bouncing there - and just about everywhere besides a place he could listen! And on this same particular day, Mama Frog’s patience was worn real, real, thin, you see, and she got sudden filled with a terrible frustration.

And just like a firecracker went off, in a sudden snap, Mama Frog turned Little Hop straight into a toad!

And when it was done, Mama Frog looked at him direct, shook her head, and said..

β€œI toad you so.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/martianrome
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Finland has just closed it borders...
πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dirt_T
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why vegans are so thin?

They have no meat on their bones.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealBobbyC
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shouted…

"This is a stick up!"

πŸ‘︎ 347
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between Murphys Law and Coles Law?

Murphys Law is the idea of anything that can go happen, will happen. Coles Law is just very thin sliced cabbage.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OctoBear87
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the magician make a candy bar appear out of thin air?

He had a lot of Twix up his sleeve

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lancex
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2015
🚨︎ report
We all know about Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole’s Law?

It’s thinly sliced cabbage

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
We all know about Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong

But have you heard of Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EverettTheGuy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report

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