I was trying to create a super soldier in my lab, but I accidentally created a very thin man who could tell the future.

At least I was still able to make a slight prophet.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrahamRavity
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
"Hey man so I was walking trough the forest yesterday and I came across this complete freak. He was laughably tall and thin and wore a suit in the woods like a weirdo. I'm certain he's some kind of psycho stalker."

"That's slander, man."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Slashycent
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
My embarrassing hobby is covering the fifth letter of the alphabet in a thin layer of gold …

It's a gilt-E pleasure.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Once I finally finished installing the thin wood flooring in my large living room, I thought to myself...

At lath.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Uncle-Zippers
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Never make love to a thin piece of wood without using protection.

If you forget, you might get a veneereal disease.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mitchinatr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
My Wife got a thin crust pizza for dinner. It reminded me a lot of myself:

No dough and lots of cheese.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EoC77
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
It doesn’t matter if you’re tall, short, fat, thin, rich, poor, at the end of the day....

It’s night

πŸ‘︎ 237
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VaughnSD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was making gravy for dinner, and she added some corn starch, but it got too thick. To thin it out she added some water, but then it was too thin again. It went back and forth a few times before I said...

Ahh. I get it. It’s a viscous cycle.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PocketCornbread
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently a lot of sniffer dogs are just vanishing into thin air.

Police say, they have several leads.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Thin soup
πŸ‘︎ 310
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/markrakosfalvy
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
People ask me why you so thin

Because i am thinking

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grapos
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been trying out some new knitting patterns, but I think my yarn is too thin

Sorry wrong thread

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alecdoconnor
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle's friend won the Olympic gold with an epee made from a disposable thin metal sheet often used in cooking...

It was a good aluminum foil

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
How does the Queen (of England) stay so thin?

She keeps all her pounds in the bank.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashtehstampede
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't like thin pancakes..

They just crepe me out.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bentnotbroken96
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you a thin turtle that is a god?
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xoyamec69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Time fly!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hello_stranger-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a tall, thin girl with big feet?

Elle

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trev2-D2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shouted…

"This is a stick up!"

πŸ‘︎ 348
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to rob a bank but the vault was covered in a thin layer of aluminum

Needless to say, my plans were foiled

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElizaWolf8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm going to show you a magic trick and make two bras out of thin air

Abracadabra

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yogeshbiebz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
*pulls candy bar out of thin air*

Kid: WOW are you a magician?

Me: no, but I have a couple of twix up my sleeve

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/renskappert
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line.

Only a fraction of people will understand this

πŸ‘︎ 117
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
You can’t just manufacture a dad joke out of thin air!

I’d at least need my tool box.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gingerifical
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Just told my wife this one after she said she was fat, I'm in trouble

Wife : "I feel fat, do you still love me?"

Me : "I'll love you thru Thikk and thin"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Throwaway899656
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Someone keeps putting very thin sheet metal around my garden...

They keep foiling my plot!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My mate Dave told me he’s started shaving his head to hide his thinning hair.

I think it’s a pretty bald strategy.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/littleboypunder
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2020
🚨︎ report
You've heard of Newton's laws, but have you heard of Cole's law?

Thinly sliced cabbage

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FaTb0i8u
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine spotted a customer who looked quite thin
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Berkelium_BK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the witch get rid of her new broom?

It was a bit thin and she couldn't get used to driving a stick.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cman_yall
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
A man was on trial for producing cents covered in a thin layer of gold...

They found him gilt-y.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My workmate's patience is running thin
πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/messwell
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend said "My patience is running paper thin right now"

I said thats tearable

πŸ‘︎ 305
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rshambo_29
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call two thin guys hanging on your wall above a window ...

Kurt and Rod

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I replaced my bowstring with a thin tree limb.

It will break eventually, but it hasn't yet, so I'll nock on wood!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Freeaboo_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I miss my SO a lot. I end up kissing and hugging thin air and she says it makes me look ridiculous. How do I recalibrate my aim? (r/fifthworldproblems) reddit.com/r/fifthworldpr…
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBadger40
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call white thin bricks

Blank slates....

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Citydoodle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
If soft drinks came long, thin, wooden tubes, it would be fantastick.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkDeathDragon
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I'd just like to thank my legs for supporting me through thick and thin.

And my arms for being by my side for all these years.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naiphe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad gave me the golden dad joke medal for this one...

Me: You've heard of Murphy's Law, right?

Mum: Yeah.

Me: What is it?

Mum: It's to do with bad luck.

Me: Cool, have you heard of Cole's Law?

Mum: No. What is it?

Me: It's thinly sliced cabbage

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryaton13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a thin skeleton?

Narrow Marrow

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doyoueverjustleft
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What’s white, thin, and colored on by kids?

Me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rogan2929
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A preacher with a lisp hired a sinner to paint his church. To save money, the sinner man added water into the paint can. It didn’t work well. The preacher told him:

Young man, you need to repaint and thin no more.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My magician friend’s signature trick is to make cute kittens appear out of thin air.

His stage name is The Wizard of Awwws.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between Murphys Law and Coles Law?

Murphys Law is the idea of anything that can go happen, will happen. Coles Law is just very thin sliced cabbage.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OctoBear87
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shouted…

"This is a stick up!"

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the magician make a candy bar appear out of thin air?

He had a lot of Twix up his sleeve

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lancex
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2015
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between Murphys Law and Coles Law?

Murphys Law is the idea of anything that can go happen, will happen. Coles Law is just very thin sliced cabbage.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OctoBear87
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.