The local pub stepped up there pun game
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︎ Jul 16 2018
What are the best puns for the name "Juan"?
My co-worker (named Juan) is tired of hearing things like "Juan" in a million or Juan-derful. So wanted (Juan-ted) to know if there was some pretty good out there puns.
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︎ Feb 23 2017
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.
And then you will all be sorry.
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︎ May 01 2021
There were 30 cows and 28 chicken. How many didn't?
π︎ 9k
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︎ Apr 19 2021
There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..
..they make me feel even number.
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︎ Apr 14 2021
My dad wanted to post something on Reddit and I told him thereβs specific subs he would want to post on and certain ways to post
And he responded βoh so thereβs reddiquette to it thenβ
(Also heβs on Reddit now so if he sees this then hi dad)
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︎ May 04 2021
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
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︎ Mar 19 2021
There was once a king who was only 12 inches tall!
Terrible king, but made a great ruler.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Mar 21 2021
There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
Yeah, and only a fraction of you will find this funny.
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︎ Apr 22 2021
Anyone out there interested in buying my DeLorean ? Great condition, low mileage..
.. really only driven from time to time.
π︎ 706
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︎ Apr 19 2021
I wanted to go to the local aquarium to see the new dolphin show, but when I got there I couldnβt get in.
It was closed for training porpoises.
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︎ May 02 2021
How many germs are there in Germany ?
π︎ 522
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︎ Mar 29 2021
There are only 3 types of people..
- People who can count
- People who canβt
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︎ Apr 05 2021
I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it
π︎ 255
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︎ Apr 22 2021
There's no party like an autopsy party
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︎ Apr 17 2021
There are two things I hate in this world...
Hypocrites and people who hate other people
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︎ May 06 2021
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
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︎ May 03 2021
For the music lovers out there
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︎ May 08 2021
There was a knight whose job it was to guard other knights while they sleep
But as anyone that has worked the night shift knows it can be a long and boring affair. No great threats to defend against. So this knight decided to improve himself, night after night he would bring books to read while he stood guard. Learning languages, math, philosophy. The smarter he gets the more he realizes that he will likely leave the world and be forgotten. In his depression he turns to music, learning instrument after instrument, style after style. Using his knowledge of math to create beautiful patterns and moving songs. He learns that it is they rhythm more than anything that draws people to a song and sets his nights to finding the rhythm that will be universally loved. Now, hundreds of years after his death, people the world over still remember Sir Cadian's Rhythm.
π︎ 80
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︎ Apr 03 2021
Is there a company thatβll deliver food to your old girlfriend?
π︎ 36
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︎ Apr 21 2021
There was a brawl at a local seafood restaurant.
There were battered fish everywhere.
π︎ 27
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︎ Apr 28 2021
There are jokes that, while not a barrel of laughs, are still firkin funny.
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 29 2021
My wife and I received nothing from our wedding guests but colanders. There musta been 500 of the damned thing.
It really put a strain on our marriage.
π︎ 10
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︎ May 04 2021
Me: Omg there's a wolf!
Wife: Where?
Me: No, the regular kind.
π︎ 195
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︎ Mar 30 2021
There was a kidnapping at my local school today.
Itβs ok though, he woke up eventually.
π︎ 31
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︎ May 09 2021
Thereβs a giant fly in the house!
π︎ 6
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︎ May 09 2021
why do poets never keep there weapons still?
They want to be like shake spear
π︎ 3
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︎ Apr 22 2021
Once upon a time there were two little skunks.
Their names were In and Out. They lived in a hollow tree stump with their mother. Sometimes they liked to play inside, and sometimes outside.
One day, In was outside, and Out was inside. Mamma skunk asked Out to go find his brother. So Out went out, to bring In in. A short while later they both came inside. Mamma asked Out how he managed to find his brother so fast.
He smiled and said: "Instinct"
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︎ Apr 25 2021
There was once a man who could untie any knot.
They called him the Knotcracker.
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 06 2021
On the news there was a report of a cheese factory exploding in France.
π︎ 127
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︎ Mar 17 2021
Is there a philosophy to mathematics?
I guess there could be, if not it's pointless.
π︎ 11
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︎ May 09 2021
Our doorbell rang and my son called to me, "Dad, there's a salesman here with a mustache!" I yelled back...
"Tell him I've already got one!"
π︎ 181
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︎ Mar 20 2021
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you.
π︎ 56
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︎ Apr 08 2021
Everyone keeps telling me there's 26 letters in the alphabet, not 25
π︎ 331
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︎ Feb 14 2021
There are 10 kinds of people
- People who know binary
- People who don't
π︎ 30
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︎ Apr 05 2021
Thereβs a new dating website in Prague
π︎ 26
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︎ May 01 2021
For all you Newtonian physicists out there...
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 10 2021
Whatβs the difference between being here and being there?
π︎ 4
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︎ May 03 2021
He was told there was a leak under the sink
π︎ 44
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︎ Mar 25 2021
There was a murder on a train do you know if the suspect was caught?
No, he covered his tracks.
(Thought of this this morning go easy on me!)
π︎ 62
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︎ Mar 25 2021
Telling your suitcase there's no vacation this year can be tough.
Emotional baggage is the worst.
π︎ 20
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︎ May 01 2021
Knock knock. Whoβs there? Maya. Maya who?
Maya hee, maya hoo, maya ha, maya a-ha!
π︎ 15
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︎ May 01 2021
Thereβs no taste like gnomes.
π︎ 17
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︎ Apr 08 2021
There were two muffins in an oven, and one says to the other βis it just me, or is it getting hot in here?β Then the second one says-
βAAAH! TALKING MUFFIN!!!β
π︎ 5
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︎ May 09 2021
I just heard there's a new Canadian strain of covid
People are showing up to the hospital eh-symptomatic
π︎ 486
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︎ Feb 04 2021
There was once a King who was 12 inches tall....
Terrible King, but a great ruler .
π︎ 38
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
π︎ 39
π
︎ Apr 27 2021
There are 3 types of people in this world:
Those who can count and those who cannot.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 14 2021
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