He had Tic Tac toes
He makes a bundle!
Asbestos you can
“They’re going to be napping papers”
The teacher said it had to be specific
I guess I'll give it the old collage try.
Cattlelogs
An announcement
You can bet your ass I have a bone to pick with him.
Her - Knock knock!
Me - Who's there?
Her - Hungry!
Me - Hungry who?
Her - Hi hungry, I'm dad!
You go on ahead, I’ll just hang around for a bit.
I was just expecting a shingle pallet
£150
It was called the Plump Gump Sump Pump Dump.
The adjective for metal is metallic.
But not so for iron.
Which is ironic.
I had stage freight.
"inside" jokes!
It was felt.
Plaguerize
Not once has anyone laughed at one of these jokes when I have told them. Way to keep the spirit of dadjokes alive by putting groans before laughter!
They're always getting laid.
It’s also helpful to know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung has plants and fruit material in it. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.
So thats a turnip for the books.
A square dance
But it turns out it wasn’t the cat’s pyjamas
The course covered everything.
His opinion was suede
That's why Jesus is a carpenter
Short
I have a girl I want to woo and take her to prom but I need some good material that is funny and gets to the point, I know this isn’t a joke but i really wanna take her to prom
I don't have any original material at the moment, but the obligations are still there. So I present the following:
How do you get a baby satellite to sleep? You rocket!
Why was Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
It takes guts to be an organ donor.
Eggs don't tell jokes because they always crack up.
What's a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, he still won't come
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.
It bathes in its own blood
SILLYcone
When the friend finally got the location to run the shop he tried to get some experienced and dedicated employees. However, he soon realized that all the good employees for a gelato shop were already working at some nearby locations. So he had to deal with some mediocre people who didn’t care that much about gelatos. Then a day before the opening of the shop the person who was supposed to provide the materials for the gelatos called in as sick. Finally there were also some teenagers who decided to steal some of the decorations.
When the friend told this story the other friend then said,
#“Man, you have gelat of problems.”
Like a match made in heaven.
Porkelain
There have only been a few "Is this sub still active? There haven't been any new posts all year" posts all year.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman' and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch," he said, "how much will you charge me?"
The blonde, after looking about, responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should; she was standing on it. Do you think she's dumb?"
"No", replied the wife. "I guess I'm guilty of being influenced by all those 'dumb blonde' jokes."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
Wooden you like to know!
Denim Denim Denim
