Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.
“Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”
“Oh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”
His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.
Shredded Wheat
Then I can go ahead and be a physician.
A Quest_ion.
Which happens to be jack shit.
It's all fun and games until someone loses an ideology.
- Pretending to pick fleas out of my kids hair and then eating them.
- Waving back at people who clearly aren't waving at me.
- Intentionally missing a high five.
- Pressing the car horn when I'm in the passenger seat and the teenager is driving slowly past other people.
- Answering "Yes dear" in a falsetto voice when one of the kids yells for mum.
What else have you got?
Because they have mass.
>!Cause it was a CD place!!<
The family Joules!
He said, “Sorry. No Time.”
The fairy of relativity.
and then it hit me
Be careful what Jewish for, you just might get hit
Man tells doctor not to be alarmed but he has 5 penises.
Doctor says “wow! How do your pants fit?”
Man: “Like a glove”
It really lifted my spirits
And chemistry is full of solutions
Then we shook on it.
Math, physics, comp sci. The only easy class was "The American Century." Open book midterm and final, so he wasn't going to do any of the reading all semester.
“It’s a huge waste of time, Dad,” he laughed when I objected. “I’m not learning a damn thing in the class.”
“Well, then you’re just going to have to take that class over again,” I snapped at him.
“What are you talking about?” he yelped.
“You know why, Gabe,” I said. “Those who don’t learn from history are condemned to repeat it.”
They had no chemistry
Ohm my gawd, it's fascinating!
But I dont feel like I'm getting anywhere
He said "No, fatty, don't eat anything!"
It was about time.
Lettuce consider......
mc²
You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna
***Credit to my physics teacher for this joke
Dissatisfied with the style of life that he found there, The Monk decides to move into a suburban neighborhood and start up his own line of work. Being trained in the peaceful ways he gets on very well with his neighbours who eventually notice that he has a very strange profession. Despite being very strong and very philosophical The Monk elects to repeatedly visit places with broken fences and remove and replace them.
One day has neighbour approaches him and asks, "with the physical strength and mental capacity that you seem to have, are you not interested in a more physically or mentally challenging job?"
To which The Monk replies, "but everybody knows reposting gives you the most karma."
U only have few hours
She said she ain't no Halbach girl.
It was a real pane in the asp.
A good real asian ship.
He said, “Sorry. No time.”
They had no chemistry 🥺
