Good thing I went to the cardiologist before the gym.
Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.
“Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”
“Oh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”
It's all fun and games until someone loses an ideology.
- Pretending to pick fleas out of my kids hair and then eating them.
- Waving back at people who clearly aren't waving at me.
- Intentionally missing a high five.
- Pressing the car horn when I'm in the passenger seat and the teenager is driving slowly past other people.
- Answering "Yes dear" in a falsetto voice when one of the kids yells for mum.
What else have you got?
>!Cause it was a CD place!!<
Man tells doctor not to be alarmed but he has 5 penises.
Doctor says “wow! How do your pants fit?”
Man: “Like a glove”
Then we shook on it.
He said "No, fatty, don't eat anything!"
It was a real pane in the asp.
A good real asian ship.
After the checkup, my doctor recommended I up my coffee intake to two pots a day, eat more saturated fats, and start smoking.
I'm beginning to suspect he knows about me and his wife.
The answers would always work out.
I guess you could say I like being punished
A PT Cruiser
...Coal miners really get the shaft.
"Five penises!!" he said "How do your trousers fit"
"Like a glove" I said
Turns out it was Volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.
I didn’t want to have a knee-jerk reaction
It's called train training training training.
I said, “We already have Windows here in the office as I point to my computer screen”
He must not have slept much last night because he was feeling a little teste.
It runs on a watch battery.
It’s pivotal to my recovery.
Well, it's always best to be just Loki unless you're just too Thor.
http://i.imgur.com/BWAHZzK.gif
From /r/gifs, here.
Sister Mary Margaret went to the doctor for her early physical. The doctor said "alright, I'll need you to take off your habit and stand in your underwear."
The sister took off her habit and stood in her underwear before the doc. He started to examine her and saw lettuce sticking out of her underwear.
"Sister, you have lettuce sticking out of your underwear. That doesn't look good for your exam."
She replied "that's just the tip if the Iceberg."
Last night, my dad was opening his mail. As he opens one of the envelopes, out falls a check. Quickly, he bobbles it for a split second, then grabs it before it falls on the floor. I saw this happen and chuckled. My dad looks at me and goes, "Phew, I thought for a second that the check was going to bounce."
A friend and I were in New Orleans and there were some hipsters listening to rap. She commented that she had not seen that often, and I said "What, Hip-Hopsters?"
So he's lecturing about the Schrodinger equations and rotational motion of particles, and how it could be easier to find a solution to the equation if the spherical coordinate system was used. He explains how the system works, and then says while clicking to the next powerpoint slide:
"Let's look at a real world example."
Cue a picture of a satellite image of Earth on the next slide and groans from all of the class.
I said “like bacon and burgers?”
He said “no fatty, don’t eat anything!”
Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible!” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.
“Bonnie...” he says. “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”
“Oh sweet Jesus!" exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”
Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.
“Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”
“Oh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”
Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”
“Wow, that’s incredible." the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.
“Bonnie...” he says. “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”
“Oh sweet Jesus!" exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”
Doctor: How does it fit in your pants?
Man: Like a glove.
