You can book my band for corporate events

We're called Linkedin Park

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UweBlab
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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I'm quitting my soul sucking corporate job to be a marine biologist.

I've gotta find some porpoise in my life.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlooregardQKazooo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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Why did the Army private's ghost possess an Officer?

He wanted to appear in Corporeal form!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CognitiveNerd1701
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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I was always bothered with the spelling of 'Wii' in Nintendo Wii. It felt like they were trying too hard to be cool and hip by spelling 'We' with two ii's. I don't know why but it just makes me cringe when corporations try to be edgy and relatable.

As for the console, it was aiight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/biggerobrothero
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2020
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I read a report that said 100% of the world's major corporations had unmarried female as CEOs

It was a completely miss-leading report

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BitchyPolice
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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I had a newly created job as Corporate Critic...

where I could criticize and demean other employees. But the job was eliminated and I was let go when my co-workers complained about my DISS-POSITION.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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Corporations will get ya
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajnova24
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
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The city of St. Louis is offering huge tax breaks to major corporations so that big businesses can move in.

Because Missouri loves Company.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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You know why I don't like the sunglasses corporations.

They seem a little shady

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BIgbluetootoo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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When I turned 16, my dad told me it was time to get a job. β€œWhen I was your age, my very first job I had I worked with over 500 people under me.”...

β€œWow!” I said. β€œWas it some big corporation?”

β€œNo.” He replied, β€œI mowed the lawn in the cemetery.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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I just saw the maintenance guy change a lightbulb in our office.

He was climbing up the corporate ladder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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The executive sat on his katana after his proposed new corporate structure was rejected

Apparently, the board didn't approve of the bottom-up harakiri

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boganic-alcoholic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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A Martian has filed a race discrimination lawsuit against a major US corporation

This Martian went to apply for a job, despite his low qualifications. The interviewer asked about college education and the Martian said he didn't have that. When asked if he ever did that line of work before, the Martian said no. So the interviewer thanked the Martian for coming, but added that he thought that the Martian was a bit too green for the job -- hence the lawsuit.

(Not original, but I don't remember where I heard similar.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2018
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KFC Kansas Foods Corporation
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dawnqwerty
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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Climbing the corporate bladder...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Krombopulos137
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2017
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I work in a manufacturing mill. It's crazy how many General contractors you see

When I've never seen a single lieutenant or corporal contractor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peon2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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The CEO of a large gas station chain was arrested yesterday.

He was running a Shell corporation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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Econ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zhukov41
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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The Walmart corporate basketball team has an awful point guard.

But they have a super center!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jacktheBOSS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2014
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A large truck transporting wigs and toupees has crashed on a major highway sending its cargo everywhere.

Police are still combing the area.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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Did you see that the IRS was doing a bunch of audits and found one corporation listed a turtle as their CEO?

Turns out it was a shell company.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stretch85
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2016
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Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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I've been having trouble climbing the corporate ladder

so I contacted my company's spokesperson.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCat5001
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2013
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Corporate Structure..

I was talking to my girlfriend about the sorority structure with President and all the various vice presidents.

She mentioned that another sorority uses a corporate structure..

Gf: "Rather than president they have a CEO and instead of a vice president of finance they have a CFO."

Me: "So do they have a Chief Operating Officer?"

Gf: "Yeah, I think so."

Me: "Oh, that's coo."

Snickered a bit and she just gave me that "you're kidding look."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/radddchaddd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2014
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I just watched my coworker on top of a step stool, trying to fix a lightbulb.

He was climbing the corporate ladder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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Whipped this one out at work

One of my coworkers is a transsexual. He (formerly she) was telling me about some of his struggles.

"I had to go up to the corporate level in order to be able to use the restroom. Some people here were uncomfortable with me using either the mens or women's room when they found out."

"So, what you're telling me is. You had to fight for your right to potty?"

At first he facepalmed and sighed, admittedly I was a little worried I might have offended him... But he did get a chuckle out of it.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2015
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Wife: "Let's keep her name private until she's born."

"I think that I prefer the name 'corporal', instead."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vogon_lyricist
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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That'll show him

A large corporation, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know he meant business.

He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"

The CEO told him to wait right there. He walked back to his office and came back a couple of minutes later and handed the guy $1600 in cash. "Here's 4 weeks pay. Now GET Out and don't come back here!"

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Dominoes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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How do crabs evade taxes?

They set up shell corporations.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_am_food
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2016
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My dad is a firefighter.

My dad is a firefighter. One day I called him and told him about this female co-worker who just got promoted. I let it slip that I thought she slept her way up the corporate ladder. When he heard that he told me about this firefighter policy that his boss had enforced.

Firehose.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/monnii99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2017
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Help! I need puns about puzzles!

Context: There is an upcoming 250 piece puzzle-making competition at work where teams compete to be the fastest puzzle-solvers. It is a corporate activity. I'm writing the invitation to be distributed and I want to get people participating. Help!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shilreddit
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2017
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My dad just texted me this so I think it counts.

Sorry about being a little out of touch the past couple of months. My business partner bailed on me in January and I'm in the process of forming a new corporation with a couple of investors, hiring a new bookkeeper (my expartner's wife used to do that), arranging a storage facility, moving offices and re-organizing staff. It has been hectic.

Part of my business model is consulting. I recently had an experience that proves the value of consulting & demonstrates how consultants can make a difference in an organization. I was very impressed. I think this is a segment that I can develop with financial help.

Last week, I went out with some friends to a new restaurant (Steve's Bistro & Provisional Ales). I noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GHOSTWRlTlNG
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
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Dad joked my wife after Medieval Times

The other night, my wife and I went to this corporate outing at Medieval Times with work. For those who don't know, it's a pretend jousting tournament with a bunch of food and no silverware unless you ask for it. The Knights also ride around on horseback and try to keep everyone involved and have a good time.

So one of the things they do, is give a 'favor' to to people in the audience. Typically, pretty ladies and little girls. My wife got such a favor (carnation). Gave her some mock jealousy, and our evening continued.

So on and our way home, I asked:

"So, how was your night? "

" It was pretty good. "

" Good. How about your evening? "

She's still glaring at me, three days later.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigbossodin
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2014
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Imagine, if you will, a futuristic dystopian society

In this society, companies and businesses are not legally allowed to give themselves a name. Instead, companies are ID's alphanumerically. The first businesses were Corporation A, Company B, Business C, ... Organization Z, Company A1, etc.

The world's current largest corporation is Company B. They're particularly known for their robotics manufacturing. One day, Company B had just finished the design for two new robots. One that would automatically play blues songs on a record player at the press of a button. (What we know today as a jukebox) The other was a companion robot for lonely people, modeled after a beagle.

Unfortunately, when the final version of these robots were being manufactured for a worldwide release, there was an error in the automated assembly line. This error caused the two robots to be built simultaneously, creating a single robot.

The resulting product came to be known as the Boogie Woogie Beagle Bot of Company B.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrMcSwaggerton
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2015
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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Nailed a customer today

A customer at the major retail corporation I work at picked up our ad while I was cashing him out. Tried to pull one on me...

"they call it a doorbuster sale and there's not a single door in this ad! "

"That's because we busted them all, sir"

Completely straight faced. He walked away laughing his ass off. On an unrelated note I think my girlfriend may be pregnant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hepatitisbees
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2015
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My boss just got me with this one...

Corporate announcement: "...after the reception there will be cake and champagne toast."

Boss: I've hear of Soda Bread, but how did they make Champagne Toast?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thismightberyan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2014
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My dad just forwarded this email to me...

> > Balls > > > > INTERESTING OBSERVATION > > 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. > > > > > > > > > > 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING. > > > > > > > > > > 3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. > > > > > > > > 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL. > > > > > > > > > > 5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS. > > And... > > > > > > > > 6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is > > GOLF. > > > > THE AMAZING CONCLUSION: > > > > The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls > > become. > > There must be a boat load of people in Ottawa and Queen's Park > > playing marbles. > > You know you WILL PASS THIS ONE ON!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BladeNoob
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2014
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Lady of the evening asks my dad if he wants a little company...

He says, "No thanks, I'd like a big company with 1000 employees, unlimited expense account and a corporate jet."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bob_marley98
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2014
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