Driving down the highway with my son
And we were passed by a large semi hauling a load of cattle. I pointed to it and remarked "Well, if that's not fast food, I don't know what is..."
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 27 2021
I saw a hummer driving by on the highway todayβ¦
It was just humming along.
.
TLDR: (This was an actual thing my dad said after we were passed by a hummer. Canβt get any more dadjoke then straight from the Dad!)
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 22 2021
A truck carrying toupees crashed on the highway, scattering its cargo
Police are combing the area
π︎ 33
π
︎ Mar 11 2021
News flash: A sewage truck exploded on the highway.
Many nearby were left with turd debris burns.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Mar 17 2021
I finally saw the new Justice League movie but when the heroes ended up in a funky little shack down the Atlanta highway, I was confused at first.
It was the Fred Schneider cut. Oops!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 20 2021
I was wondering if I should go to work today, and then I saw some guys putting up a giant rectangle along the highway.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Apr 03 2021
What do pirates say to warn when the California Highway Patrol is approaching?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 05 2021
A truck of Vicks vapor rub crashed on the highway...
Luckily there was no traffic congestion...
Humbly submitted,
Dad
π︎ 92
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway...
Police advise citizens to be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals!
π︎ 207
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
A group in Denmark is trying to convince the government to use old Legos to re-pave their highways...
...unfortunately, they've been running into a lot of road blocks.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
A truck overturned this morning spilling cabbage all over the highway.
It was horrific! I slaw it happen!
π︎ 13
π
︎ Sep 11 2020
I just got hired to work a booth on the highway.
They say this job really takes a toll
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
Which lane on the highway is the fastest?
The one youβre not in!
( written by my dad , late 90s)
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
A truck ahead of me spilled its load of cabbage all over the highway...
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
What do you call tiny dead crustaceans on the highway?
Roadkrill.
(My eight-year-old came up with this one all on his own.)
π︎ 40
π
︎ Jul 06 2020
Cutting in front of a Volkswagen on the highway
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
[On the highway] My wife: Hey, you missed a right!
Me: Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right!
π︎ 53
π
︎ May 29 2020
TIL about the big pile ups on the Cretaceous highway.
They were tyrannosaurus wrecks.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 18 2020
Two dogs were walking down an empty highway. One of them stopped and defecated in the middle of the road.
When he was finished, he looked at the other dog and said, βClean up that mess.β
The other dog sniffed the pile and said, βNope. Thatβs your asphalt!β
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 15 2020
Did you hear about the highway being built by the college in New Orleans?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 22 2020
They're guaranteed to help you ketchup on the highway
π︎ 19
π
︎ Mar 08 2020
I'm not sure why the highway was arrested ...
... but I bet it was his own dumb asphalt.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Feb 11 2020
What did the metaphysical highway sign say to warn drivers about wintry driving conditions?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 21 2020
The police pulled up right next to me and my Yamaha on the shoulder of the highway todayβ¦
Apparently, itβs not the best place to play a keyboardβ¦
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 25 2020
A truck carrying Vicks vapor rub overturned on the highway.
Amazingly, there was no congestion for 8 hours.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Mar 07 2020
I had a job clearing litter off the highways...
but I got laid off, even though the work was picking up.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 15 2020
A truck full of donkeys passed me on the highway
He was really hauling ass.
π︎ 88
π
︎ Oct 21 2019
A truckload of doorframe parts spilled out on the highway during rush hour...
It caused a big traffic jamb.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 29 2019
The guy who paints the center line down the highway came into my deli for a quick bite...
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 27 2020
When's the best age to tell a highway it's adopted?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 29 2019
Did you hear about the truckload of pickles that overturned on the highway...
I dunno what the dill is... details are sketchy. I relish any comments with more info about this incident.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 28 2019
My husband, toddler, and I are on a road trip. We turned on to the highway...
And directly facing the sun. I pulled down my visor down.
"Man," I said. "Just think, it's so bright in here I need to squint, even though the sun is 93 million miles away."
"What are you talking about?" my husband said. "He's right behind us."
groan
π︎ 884
π
︎ Sep 18 2016
Did you hear about the cheese truck that crashed on the highway?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 27 2019
How did the Targaryens get off the highway?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Mar 07 2019
I was driving on the highway when I passed an AA van driver who was sobbing uncontrollably.
I thought, βThis guyβs heading for a breakdown.β
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 23 2019
An 18-wheeler filled with Vicks Vaporub overturned on the highway today.
Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours!
π︎ 49
π
︎ Apr 01 2019
We were driving through Quebec when my wife commented on how cool it was that the highway signs were in two languages, English and French.
I said, "well, it's still all just written in sign language"
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 17 2019
I was kicked out of the karaoke bar for singing Highway To The Danger Zone 3 times in a row.
Too many Loggins attempts I guess.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 18 2019
What do you call consistent bad luck on the highway?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Apr 16 2019
After all the final season backlash, how did D&D get off the Game of Thrones highway?
They took Daenerys exit..
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 20 2019
We should legalize marijuana in every state and use the revenue to fix all the highways and roads
Weβll call it Operation Pot Hole
π︎ 45
π
︎ Mar 15 2018
A truck carrying toupees crashed on the highway, spilling everything.
Police are combing the area.
π︎ 159
π
︎ May 10 2019
I was driving on the highway and the wife said "You missed a right"
And I said "Thanks babe, and you're Mrs Right"
π︎ 18
π
︎ Feb 21 2020
[On the highway] Her: Hey, I think you missed a right.
Me: Thanks babe. You Mrs. Right!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 30 2020
Driving on the highway. Wife: Hey, you just missed a right.
Me: Thanks babe. You just Mrs. Right.
π︎ 44
π
︎ Aug 01 2018
[Driving on the highway] Her: Hey, I think you missed a right.
Me: Aw, thanks. You Mrs. right!
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 17 2019
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