I was going to get 'God' tattooed on my arteries

But I remembered you shouldn't use the Lords name in vein

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VenterousBrundew
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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My Dad has just had a Carotid Endarterectomy operation.

It's fairly routine but also kind of terrifying as he had to have the carotid artery in his neck opened up.

He got out of surgery yesterday and I texted him today:

"How are you feeling? Still a pain in the neck?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stokokopops
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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Which artery does not push oxygenated blood?

The pullmonary artery

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teh-eart-iz-flet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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Sometimes I like to brag about loosing an artery

But my friends say I'm too vein

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sposhal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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I've taken up a new hobby. Shooting arrows at paintings.

Who knew artery could be so relaxing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lecraic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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Clogged Arteries imgur.com/pwpbbvA
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XenobiaXD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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Arteries carry blood,

in a similar vein, those do that too.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2013
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Why can't you trust a vampire?

They always have arterial motives.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Btamb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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Lol
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frogus_doggus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
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Everyone loves something

But I think we can all agree, arteries will always hold a special place in our hearts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-Neptune
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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Two Red Blood Cells Met and Fell In Love

But alas, it was in vein

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kingakomoto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
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What happened to the man who ate his shoes?

He got clogged arteries.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrepuscularKitten
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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Bacon Puns

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!


Whats green and smells like bacon? Β Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?


Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.


Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Β Kevin Bacon


If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries


Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.


Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.


What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.


Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.


What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.


How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.


What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.


What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.


What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.


First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.


Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.


If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper β€œHere comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost


I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon


If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?


This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.


If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.


I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.


My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.


When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2017
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My Dad just woke up from a quadruple heart bypass

My Dad just had a Cardiac Arterial Bypass Graft (Cabg for short). When we were allowed to see him on the ward his first words were 'do you know where we are?'

Worried he was still confused from the drugs we told him 'ITU Dad, you've just had surgery?'

'No,' he said, 'we're on a dual cabbage way.'

Thanks Dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/morovai
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2015
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How do you kill a rabbit?

You have to sever its carrot-id artery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benjamines
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
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Dr, will I be able to play the piano after the procedure?

Sitting with my father in the pre op room before he gets stints put into his arteries. Dr is talking to him about what they will do and various risks etc. Dad: Dr, will I be able to play the piano after the procedure? Dr: Yes, I see no reason why this procedure would stop you from doing that. Dad: Great! I've never knew how to play before! Then he continues to giggle and laugh as the dr continues to go over his procedure, and they didn't even give him the Valium yet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThisJustin77
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
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Sometimes I like to brag about loosing an artery

but my friends say I'm too vain

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sposhal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report

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