(Bear with me its a long setup) A frog walks into a bank and asks a woman named Patricia Whack for a loan. "My father is Mick Matter" he says, placing a ceramic elephant on the counter. Patricia goes to her boss and tells him the story, asking "what is this?" And placing the elephant on his desk.
The man replies " It's A knicknack, patty whack, give the frog a loan, his old mans a rolling stone (also I meant Mick jagger my autocorrect sucks balls)
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︎ Jul 03 2021
A Spanish Magician says he will vanish on the count of three.
No one knows why he stopped at dos. They say he disappeared without a tres.
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︎ Jul 06 2021
Why don't you ever see elephants hiding behind trees?
Because they are good at it
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︎ Jun 29 2021
I bought my friend an Elephant for her room...
She said "thanks". I said "don't mention it"
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︎ Jul 06 2021
What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
Nothing. It just let out a little whine.
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︎ Jun 10 2021
Why canโt two elephants swim at the same time?
They only have a pair of trunks.
-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.
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︎ Dec 20 2020
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that little thing?
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︎ Mar 27 2021
What do you get if you cross a camel, an elephant, an antelope a pelican and a canary?
A camelephantelopelicanary
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︎ Jul 09 2021
What's a elephant father's favorite accessory while out on vacation?
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︎ Jul 10 2021
Why is an elephant big, gray, and wrinkly?
Because if it was small, white, and round, it would be an aspirin.
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︎ Jul 06 2021
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
You take away their credit card
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︎ Jun 24 2021
Wanna know how to catch an elephant?
First you dig a BIIG hole. Then you fill it up with ashes. Then you line the outside of the hole with peas.
Then, when the elephant comes to take a pea you kick it in the ash-hole.
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︎ Jul 07 2021
What do you get when you mix an elephant and a rhino?
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︎ Jun 08 2021
Why did the elephant go to jail?
He had a dead guy in his trunk.
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︎ Apr 06 2021
My friend worked at the zoo to circumcise elephants, the pay was bad but...
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︎ Sep 06 2020
How do you get down from an elephant?
You can't. You can only get down from a duck.
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︎ Jun 06 2021
How to catch an elephant
First.... You dig a big pit.
Like, a tiger pit, but big enough for an elephant.
Then, you fill it with leaves and debris and whatever...
Light the leaves on fire and let it burn all the way down to ash.
Next, open a can of peas (or fresh peas if you have them)...
Place the peas all along the outside of the pit, creating a ring around the whole thing...
That way, when the elephant goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash-hole.
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︎ May 28 2021
An Entire Elephant
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︎ Mar 23 2021
What type of undies do elephants prefer?
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︎ May 20 2021
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
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︎ May 03 2021
How do you take elephants out of a Safeway bag?
I dunno; how?
You take the F out of the Way.
Thereโs no F in Way!
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︎ Jun 08 2021
Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a tree?
Exactly. Because they're damn good at it!
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︎ Apr 05 2021
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
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︎ May 25 2021
What do you do if an elephant doesnโt fit in your car?
๐︎ 5
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︎ May 18 2021
What do you do to an elephant with three balls?
Walk him, then pitch to the rhino.
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︎ Jun 04 2021
Dad: Why did the elephant climb the maple tree?
Daughter: (Studiously ignores him).
Dad: To eat some cherries.
Daughter: (Not looking up from her phone). Maple trees don't have cherries, Dad.
Dad: He brought his own.
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︎ Dec 29 2020
What did Tarzan say when he saw elephants coming over the hill?
"Here come the elephants coming over the hill"
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︎ Mar 05 2021
How do you call an elephant that does not matter?
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︎ Apr 09 2021
The best way to tell the difference between an Indian and an African elephant is
that one of them is an elephant.
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︎ Nov 17 2020
So thereโs this Spanish magician. His main trick was performing a spectacular vanishing act. He said that heโd vanish on the count of three. โUnoโ โDosโ
And then he vanished, without a tres.
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︎ Nov 14 2020
What do you call an evil elephant?
๐︎ 8
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︎ May 16 2021
What do you call an elephant that does not matter?
Irrelevant. Sorry just addressing the elephant in the room here.
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︎ Apr 11 2021
What does an elephant and a giraffe have in common?
They both start with a โGโ.
Elephantโs name is George.
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︎ Apr 25 2021
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
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︎ Feb 19 2021
Know why you never see an elephant hiding in a tree?
They're really good at it...
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︎ Apr 30 2021
What do you call the wife of an elephantโs motherโs brother?
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︎ Jan 08 2021
Did you hear the one about the Mexican Magician? He announced to his audience: "For my final illusion, I will make myself vanish on the count of threeโฆ"
"โฆ UNO! DOS!" *POOF* And he vanished without a Tres.
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︎ May 27 2020
For my birthday my brother bought me an elephant for my room.
I said "Thanks." He said "Don't mention it."
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︎ May 15 2021
Why can't you see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they're really good at it
๐︎ 14
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︎ Jul 08 2021
Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they're so good at it....
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︎ Jun 20 2021
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine...
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︎ Mar 04 2021
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhino?
Elephino (hell if I know)
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︎ May 30 2021
What do you get when you mix an elephant with a rhino?
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︎ May 04 2021
What did the elephant ask the naked man ?
How do you breathe out of that thing?
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︎ Feb 15 2021
Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees
because they are really good at it.
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︎ Apr 08 2021
What do you get if you cross an Elephant and a Rhinoceros
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︎ Mar 31 2021
Why donโt you ever see elephants hiding in palm trees?
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︎ Mar 14 2021
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