The Boys In The Band Puns

So he invited a band to come in and play a few songs to get the church goers more excited to be there. On the bands first song the entire crowd of people turned around at the exact same time. A little boy asked his father "Daddy, what was that?" The boys dad responded "Well son, that was one direct shun."

Go figure I got out joked by a Grandpa. I was talking to my father-in-law and the following took place.

Me: I have a great idea. I'm going to get a bunch of young good looking hispanic guys and make a bilingual boy band.

... (he's looking at his phone)

I'm gonna call it Juan Direction.

... (he looks up)

FIL: I saw something that said Juan Direction online.

Me: oh?

FIL: It said south.

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

edit: formatting

There was a certain boy band playing at the Rose Bowl last night. We were driving by and the other side of the freeway had a lot of traffic. She said, "Wow, look at that."

I replied, "Looks like traffic is backed up in One Direction."