A list of puns related to "The Beer Orders"
A mop.
He was a flightless bird.
The bartender says, “Take a pitcher. It’ll last longer.”
. "Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot." "Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
"Ship just got reel."
"Holy shit, a talking horse!"
So I had him put it in a square glass.
No I have enough to carry as it is...
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What do you know about growing fruit trees?" he asks the bartender. "Why do you ask?" the bartender replies. "My wife just told me to grow a pear," the guy replies. "I don't know how that's going to help me kill that spider she was complaining about...."
I told the clerk I’d like to try some of their finest beers and that I’d put enema order soon
He sits down, orders a beer, and begins to mull over his day.
After a few minutes he hears a quiet, and high pitched voice say "I like your shirt". He looks around and doesn't see anybody, so he goes back to his drink.
A few sips later he hears the same voice say "You have lovely eyes". He looks around again half expecting to see Alvin the chipmunk, but there is nothing.
After a few more sips, he hears it again, "I bet your parents are real proud of you". Finally he has had enough. He slams his drink down, looks over at the bartender, and says "what the hell is that high pitched voice I am hearing?!"
The bartender looks up and says "Its the peanuts...
They're complimentary."
A guy walks into a bar on Ash Wednesday and orders a beer. "I'm really having a hard time trying to decide what to give up for Lent," he tells the bartender. "Well let me tell you a little cautionary tale about giving things up for Lent," the bartender says. "A particular family in LA has been abstaining from using one letter of the alphabet for Lent each year, since 2001. It started as a joke, giving up "A" in 2001 and "B" in 2002, but developed into a strong family tradition. This year, one of the members has a tough choice to make. Unlike the rest of the Astleys, Rick made a solemn vow... "
His wife always complained that he wasn't good enough in bed and that she wasn't satisfied. He went to the local bar to get a drink and cool off for a bit. On reaching the bar, he ordered a beer and sat down. His friend, Mike saw him sitting alone and walked up to him. He asked Andy what happened to which Andy told him the situation. Mike said that he had a simple trick which never failed and told Andy to hit his meat on the bedpost three times before sex. Andy rushed home to perform this trick. He saw that his wife was lying on the bed with the lights off. Slowly he took off his pants and hit his meat three times on the bedpost. Dum, dum, dum. His wife immediately woke up and shouted, "Mike, is that you?"
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
http://i.imgur.com/wj3wczz.jpg
He sits down and orders a beer
Then hears a soft voice say "That's a really good color on you"
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone, shrugs, and sips his beer.
Shortly there after he hears another study voice whisper "That's a really nice tie"
Looking at the bartender the man says "Do you hear those voices? Because no one else is here except you and me!"
The bartender says "Oh yeah.. Sorry about that.. Its the peanuts, they are complimentary"
So the string goes outside and waits for a while. He goes back in and sets at the bar and orders a beer. The bartender says “we don’t serve string here.
So, frustrated the string goes back outside and sits n the curb. Boom, he gets run over and tumbles and starts to come apart.
He goes back into the same bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks closely at him and says “hey aren’t you that piece of string that was just in here?”
The string looks him in the eye and says “nope, I’m a frayed knot!”
In the Germany section of Epcot, the guy in front of me orders a beer. Cashier says "nine dollars please", guy: "woah, free beer"!
A pirate walks into bar and sits down. The bartender notices that he has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over one eye. The pirate orders a beer, and while he's pouring it the bartender asks "So what's the story with the leg?" "Well it were many a year ago," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard, and a shark swum up and bit me leg clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a peg leg that very night." "That's terrible," says the bartender. "What about the hand?" "Well it were the very next day," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard again, and a whale came up and bit me hand clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a hook that very night." "Wow," says the bartender. "So what about the eye?" "Well it were the very next day," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship, and I were lookin out fer rogue waves, and a seagull flew over and shit right in me eye!" "Oh man," says the bartender. "And that blinded you?" "Well no," says the pirate. "But it were me first day with the hook."
We order the same beer. Waitress brings them over. Dad jokes, “excuse me which one is his and which one is mine? Heh heh heh”
Ugh
The first one ordered one beer, the second ordered 1/2 a beer, the third ordered 1/4 of a beer and so on.
The bartender poured two beers and said:
“I know my limits”
He orders a beer from the bartender who says to him, "Hey, you know we got a drink named after you."
The grasshopper replies, "You've got a drink named Fred?"
ordered a beer. The bartender said "That will be 4 bucks". I laid a 20 on the bar. The bartender said "Sorry, I can't take that." I then laid a 10 on the bar and the bartender said "nope sorry can't take that either." I said "well why not?" The bartender said "See that sign over there? This is a singles bar".
Last night, I tried to tell my 10 year old daughter the classic "Kangaroo walks into a bar" joke. For those who are not familiar, a version of this. I got to the point where the Kangaroo orders the first beer, and my daughter interrupted me with "let me guess - the beer wasn't hoppy enough." Nope. But I like the way she thinks!
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer, he hears a voice and realises it's coming from the bowl of peanuts on the bar "Looking very smart tonight sir and that cologne is hitting all the right notes. Oh yes!"
Somewhat taken aback, but also feeling confident he goes to the Gents to buy some condoms. Just as he's about to put the coins in a voice comes out of the machine "Don't waste your money mate! You haven't got a chance with the ladies tonight."
Astonished at this he relays all this to the barmaid. "Ah, thats easy to explain, the nuts are Complimentary and the condom machine is Out Of Order.
Orders a beer. The bartender say, "Look, I'll go ahead and serve you, but you better not try to start something."
Orders a single beer and leaves 200 USD
Bartender: Wow! That's way too generous! Iceberg: That's just the tip of an iceberg!
Today, I went out to lunch with some fellas from my office, Dave and Mike.
We all opted for the "beer and sandwich deal": any beer < $6 and any sandwich from the lunch menu for $10. Can't beat that in Hoboken, NJ.
One of my coworkers ordered a Sam Adams something-or-other and our bouncy little waitress pranced off to fetch our beverages. When the waitress returned with our potables she placed a beer, amber in color, 1/2" or so foamy head, in front of my coworker and said:
"Sam?"
To which I immediately announced "No, that's Dave."
Laughs were had all around. I cringed at myself but I couldn't help it.
A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The barman says, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve string in here". The string, without saying a word, walks outside where he proceeds to tie himself into knots and mess up his hair.
When he walks back in and asks for a beer the barman says, "Aren't you the piece of string that was just in here?” "No”, he answered, "I'm afraid not".
The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.
Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!
Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!
Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
What musical is about a train conductor? “My Fare, Lady”.
A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What animals are on legal documents? Seals!
Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!
Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.
Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Dockyard: A physician’s garden.
What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!
The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.
“What’s purple and 5000 miles long?” “Ooh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”
I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!
When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is
... keep reading on reddit ➡So a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks if he wants a beer. The horse goes "neigh." So the bartender kicks him out for wasting space, and on top of it, horsing around. 30 minutes later, a donkey comes in, orders the most expensive drink and a round for the house. When it comes time to pay the tab, the donkey says, "oh, by the way, you kicked out my husband, a horse, earlier," then walks out without paying. The bartender was upset, but knew he'd serve the occasional horse's ass.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"
He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!"
The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?"
The man answers, "Now the problems start"
Bartender says: Sorry, we dont serve food here.
Which came the reply "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
He orders a beer and the bartender says “sorry we don’t serve food here”
Ham sandwich walks into the bar and orders a beer. Bartender says "We don't serve food here"
He orders a pint of beer and the bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."
Dad- String walks into a bar and orders a beer, the bartender says "are you a string"? The string replies "yes" and the bartender says "get out of here we don't serve strings".
The string walks into another bar and orders a beer, the bartender says "are you a string"? The string replies "yes" and the bartender says "get out of here we don't serve strings". He ties himself in a knot and frays the bottom of the string.
He goes to another bar and orders some beer. The bartender says "Hey are you a string."
They string replys "freyed knot".
He orders a beer. The bartender says "hey, we have a drink named after you!"
The grasshopper says "you have a drink named Gus?"
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.