I said “thanks for having me.”
I just don't know how I could ever repay them!
I replied, "What else would I be? The doctor?"
The pleasure was all mine.
He said it was his pleasure.
I told him it was the least I could doo
It was a merci killing.
It meant a lot
I said "don't sweat it "
Jor-El Come
"You are whalecum"
I responded "I didn't make it, I just dressed it."
Because Lisa Kudrow.
Moooooochas Grassyas
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too..
Edit: thank you for awards, I have never gotten one before. I apologize that this is a repost, I did see it on TikTok and thought that it was cute and wanted to share. In the future I will check the sub for similar content before I post anything.
Because he wanted space
Edit: Thank you for the awards.
“thank you for your cervix.”
I said "Thanks." He said "Don't mention it."
Pfizer vaccination on Friday night at a local CVS. The place was packed and there was an older couple there thanking everyone for getting vaccinated. When my wife and daughter got home they were telling me about how packed it was. My daughter mentioned the older couple and said that when they thanked her, they asked which shot she received. “Pfizer”, she said. The couple said, “Well we’re Moderna folks!” My daughter asked me why that mattered…. Well, I said… In 2 years, all of us Modera folks will have grown two heads and all of you Pfizer people will probably have four arms. My daughter then looks innocently at both my wife and I and said, “what about the people that got the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?” My wife and I completely lost it… we laughed so hard our stomachs hurt. My daughter started laughing too, but had no idea.
Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.
Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.
‘Sure.’
‘Oh no! Kryptonite!’
‘That’s Superman.’
‘Thanks man. I’ve been practicing.’
It was instant.
I just wanted to thank everyone here. My mom has been in the hospital with the virus and being able to send her jokes from here has made her laugh (we both really like puns!) so I just wanted to thank y’all for the fun jokes you post. I know it doesn’t seem like much but it has been very nice to be able to share them with her!
Edit: thank you so much for the awards and well wishes! I 100% did not expect this to blow up like it did and I’m so glad for y’all’s support!!
My balls have never felt so free.
Mailman: You're welcome, female woman.
You're all fan-elastic!
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
Dino-snore.
I ugly laughed at this and she thought it was the best.
Edit: wow, thanks for the awards! I told my daughter she got 500 likes and she started dancing. Thank you!
Without them boobs would be pointless.
The correct answer was blood vessels.
The zoo told me it was bread in captivity.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
Dad : Cause your mum loves Easter and its an anagram."
Son : "Thanks dad."
Dad : "No problem, Alan."
I didn't understand the gravity of the situation.
Edit: thanks for the awards, kind strangers!
Gamora: "I am going to die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy."
please actual duck puns, play on words.
not jokes :) thanks!
An assassin
.
Edit: thank you guys so much for the rewards! I was told this joke from my 9 year old sister, she was well chuffed to see all the votes and people thinking she was funny
It was a merci killing.
It was a merci killing...
