Dear God, thank you for these noodles.

Ramen.

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Benstrosity
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
How do Mexican cows say thank you?

Moooooochas Grassyas

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Justlikeyourmoma
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
If you have bee hive at your house, and you call a local bee keeper to take them away, the Bee keepers will thank you for the FreeBees.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/golubeerji
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Thank you for getting me through college, student loan providers.

I don't think I can ever repay you.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Just a quick Thank you!

I've been sharing the Dad Jokes from here that pop up in my suggestion line. My Dad and I work together, so we're both off for the School break. Half the time he rolls his eyes and the other half he chuckles. So, thank you, Dad Jokers, for making my Dad chuckle in whatever this strange year has been!

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Beauknits
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Thank you

This isn't a dad joke. This is a thank you to everyone on this subreddit. 6 weeks ago the love of my life broke things off with me due to factors attributed to my mental health (which i didn't tell her about because she is struggling with uni and i didn't want her to worry) and I've been having an extremely difficult time coming to terms with it. She's falling for another guy while I've been self destructing to the point where she never wants to talk to me again. But i found this subreddit today, the jokes are so stupid and funny that for the first time since before the breakup, I've laughed and it was genuine. Thank you so much for your stupid jokes. You've saved my life as far as I'm concerned. I still have a long way to to, but this subreddit is definitely going to get me through it. Thank you πŸ’–

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xcixjames
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: β€œsir, would you like to go out with the cart?”. To which I replied β€œoh, no thanks I’m actually married”. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaFunkJunkie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Stalin never said thank you throughout his whole life

That’s because he didn’t speak English

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tidiestbadger72
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
When I bought my friend an elephant for their room, they said thank you. I answered...

β€œDon’t mention it.”

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Oh thank you that’s delicious
πŸ‘︎ 148
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jrum7000
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Just thank you
πŸ‘︎ 692
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eldergodofdoom
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a dog say thank you?

It rubs its butt on the grass. That way it's a grassy ass.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timeforclock
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 434
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Thank you God for providing me and my family with these instant noodles for supper.

Ramen.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DiscoPotato69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Thank you all
πŸ‘︎ 244
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/damanichispanic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Not a joke, just a thank you.

But seriously, thank you to everyone on this sub. I end my class periods with a joke of the day every day and I usually take them from here. There is never a day where the students don't unanimously sigh at the punch line!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ms_Business
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
🚨︎ report
Yeah thank you
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/albanianbitchee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
"hello, thank you for calling Hannibal's..."

We de-Liver

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spiceinvader1234
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Thank you for letting me know
πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/prlmn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Thank you, Papito
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Azuridus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Thank you so much for teaching me the meaning of the word "plethora"

It really means a lot!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icebucketwood
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Thank you grandma
πŸ‘︎ 143
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Silver-Noire
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Thank you r/comics
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MEMESTER_BOIIII
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
You know, we only have Gandalf to thank for Hotel California

After all, he did bring us the Eagles

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FirMage
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Ever see those "End Road Work. Thank you." signs?

For years I thought we just had polite protestors.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thebbman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A thank you card
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m looking for punny popsicle names. I’d like them to be a play on actual names like Pop Ross, Mary Pop-pins, Pop Seger, Albert Ice-stein, Freezy F Baby, David Pop-perfield, and Iggy Pop. I’m particularly interested in playing upon the names of historical female figures. Help please and thank you!
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/polkadotmcgot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Cashier, "would you like your milk in a bag?". My dad, "no thanks, keep it in the jug"

He said it every time, and now I do it when my kids are shopping with me.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NathanJUnicycle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2014
🚨︎ report
I was having dinner at my bosses house and his wife said, β€œHow many potatoes would you like?” I said β€œI’ll just have one thanks.”

She said β€œIt’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.”

β€œAlright,” I said, β€œI’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.”

πŸ‘︎ 127
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CdotBigz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
🚨︎ report
My young son β€œsaid” he made dinner today. He brought me a banana like balloon on a hot dog bun. Confused I said β€œummmm.. thank you .. but...what’s this??”

He said it’s a Halloweenie!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bad11ama
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Thank you, kind stranger
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InkberryBlue_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
A big thank you to "Dad jokes."

As a professional children's entertainer, finding the dad jokes thread has been a real blessing. I work mainly with children between the ages of four and eight, and, for obvious reasons, I need to keep my jokes clean. In my business, a groan is just as good as the laugh because it usually is accompanied by a smile!

I'm afraid I don't know who started it, but the "this paper says otherwise" is easily one of my favorites. I took the liberty of having 500 business cards that say "otherwise" on them. I use them in my performances in a variety of ways. If I see a dad after my show who looks like the type who might enjoy a good pun, I will go up to him and ask him if he thought the show was good. Inevitably he will say yes, and I'll tell him that "Unfortunately this card says otherwise." I then leave the dad with the card to use at his own behest.

Just wanted to give a big shout out and a big thank you to the Dad jokes community for inspiration. People ask me what I do for a living and I tell them I'm the Jimmy Fallon to five-year-olds. Thanks so much for contributing all you guys do!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Junglejimirish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2015
🚨︎ report
Thank you CNN for making my day
πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Thank you
πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Preecy123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Thanks for calling the predatory animal lifting agency. We’ll be with you in a minute...

...Please hold the lion.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/J_Sphere
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Thank you sculpture, very cool
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Expre55o
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I was looking through the cards in the supermarket. One said on the front: "Thank You For Being A Role Model Dad."

How cute is that? So I slipped it into my pocket and took it home to show my kids.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Bought my dad this birthday card today, thank you Hallmark for $5 well spent!
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PandaMandaium
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I passed my son a bag of chips and he said, β€œWhy, thank you!”

I replied, β€œBecause it’s the polite thing to do.”

There was a tense silence in the car for the next few miles.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Smith-Corona
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Daughter made this thank you card for a speaker at her career day at school
πŸ‘︎ 201
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cat_water
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Thank you all WW2 Vets!

Those injured pets will be forever grateful.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yours_untruly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought my friends an elephant for their room. They said β€œThank you.”

I said: β€œPlease don’t mention it.”

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ew0k5AN0nomi5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Thank you, student loans, for getting me through college.

I don’t think I can ever repay you.

πŸ‘︎ 420
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pinkflyd25
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Thank you for explaining the word many to me

It means a lot

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NGGlass
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender β€œI’ll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank you”. β€œSure thing” the bartender replies and asks β€œbut what’s with the big pause?

”

The panda holds up his hands and says β€œI was born with them”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.