Dear God, thank you for these noodles.
π︎ 73
π
︎ Apr 02 2021
How do Mexican cows say thank you?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Apr 27 2021
If you have bee hive at your house, and you call a local bee keeper to take them away, the Bee keepers will thank you for the FreeBees.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 14 2021
Thank you for getting me through college, student loan providers.
I don't think I can ever repay you.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jan 05 2021
Just a quick Thank you!
I've been sharing the Dad Jokes from here that pop up in my suggestion line. My Dad and I work together, so we're both off for the School break. Half the time he rolls his eyes and the other half he chuckles. So, thank you, Dad Jokers, for making my Dad chuckle in whatever this strange year has been!
π︎ 27
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
Thank you
This isn't a dad joke. This is a thank you to everyone on this subreddit. 6 weeks ago the love of my life broke things off with me due to factors attributed to my mental health (which i didn't tell her about because she is struggling with uni and i didn't want her to worry) and I've been having an extremely difficult time coming to terms with it. She's falling for another guy while I've been self destructing to the point where she never wants to talk to me again. But i found this subreddit today, the jokes are so stupid and funny that for the first time since before the breakup, I've laughed and it was genuine. Thank you so much for your stupid jokes. You've saved my life as far as I'm concerned. I still have a long way to to, but this subreddit is definitely going to get me through it. Thank you π
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Oct 26 2019
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: βsir, would you like to go out with the cart?β. To which I replied βoh, no thanks Iβm actually marriedβ. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Nov 30 2019
Did you know that Stalin never said thank you throughout his whole life
Thatβs because he didnβt speak English
π︎ 12
π
︎ Sep 17 2020
When I bought my friend an elephant for their room, they said thank you. I answered...
βDonβt mention it.β
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jun 25 2020
Oh thank you thatβs delicious
π︎ 148
π
︎ Jan 16 2020
Just thank you
π︎ 692
π
︎ Feb 07 2019
How does a dog say thank you?
It rubs its butt on the grass. That way it's a grassy ass.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 25 2020
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender βIβll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank youβ. βSure thingβ the bartender replies and asks βbut whatβs with the big pause?
β
The panda holds up his hands and says βI was born with themβ
π︎ 434
π
︎ Nov 08 2019
Thank you God for providing me and my family with these instant noodles for supper.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jul 09 2020
Thank you all
π︎ 244
π
︎ Nov 21 2019
Not a joke, just a thank you.
But seriously, thank you to everyone on this sub. I end my class periods with a joke of the day every day and I usually take them from here. There is never a day where the students don't unanimously sigh at the punch line!
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Oct 31 2018
Yeah thank you
π︎ 19
π
︎ Jan 28 2020
"hello, thank you for calling Hannibal's..."
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 14 2020
Thank you for letting me know
π︎ 67
π
︎ Oct 05 2019
Thank you, Papito
π︎ 17
π
︎ Sep 18 2019
Thank you so much for teaching me the meaning of the word "plethora"
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jan 18 2020
Thank you grandma
π︎ 143
π
︎ Dec 27 2018
Thank you r/comics
π︎ 14
π
︎ Sep 04 2019
You know, we only have Gandalf to thank for Hotel California
After all, he did bring us the Eagles
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 24 2019
Ever see those "End Road Work. Thank you." signs?
For years I thought we just had polite protestors.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Dec 19 2019
A thank you card
π︎ 17
π
︎ Aug 07 2019
Iβm looking for punny popsicle names. Iβd like them to be a play on actual names like Pop Ross, Mary Pop-pins, Pop Seger, Albert Ice-stein, Freezy F Baby, David Pop-perfield, and Iggy Pop. Iβm particularly interested in playing upon the names of historical female figures. Help please and thank you!
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 18 2019
Cashier, "would you like your milk in a bag?". My dad, "no thanks, keep it in the jug"
He said it every time, and now I do it when my kids are shopping with me.
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Jul 08 2014
I was having dinner at my bosses house and his wife said, βHow many potatoes would you like?β I said βIβll just have one thanks.β
She said βItβs OK, you donβt have to be polite.β
βAlright,β I said, βIβll just have one then, you stupid cow.β
π︎ 127
π
︎ Nov 27 2018
My young son βsaidβ he made dinner today. He brought me a banana like balloon on a hot dog bun. Confused I said βummmm.. thank you .. but...whatβs this??β
He said itβs a Halloweenie!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 31 2019
Thank you, kind stranger
π︎ 15
π
︎ Apr 07 2019
A big thank you to "Dad jokes."
As a professional children's entertainer, finding the dad jokes thread has been a real blessing. I work mainly with children between the ages of four and eight, and, for obvious reasons, I need to keep my jokes clean. In my business, a groan is just as good as the laugh because it usually is accompanied by a smile!
I'm afraid I don't know who started it, but the "this paper says otherwise" is easily one of my favorites. I took the liberty of having 500 business cards that say "otherwise" on them. I use them in my performances in a variety of ways. If I see a dad after my show who looks like the type who might enjoy a good pun, I will go up to him and ask him if he thought the show was good. Inevitably he will say yes, and I'll tell him that "Unfortunately this card says otherwise." I then leave the dad with the card to use at his own behest.
Just wanted to give a big shout out and a big thank you to the Dad jokes community for inspiration. People ask me what I do for a living and I tell them I'm the Jimmy Fallon to five-year-olds. Thanks so much for contributing all you guys do!
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jan 31 2015
Thank you CNN for making my day
π︎ 80
π
︎ Dec 07 2018
Thank you
π︎ 56
π
︎ Dec 05 2018
Thanks for calling the predatory animal lifting agency. Weβll be with you in a minute...
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 18 2019
Thank you sculpture, very cool
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 27 2019
I was looking through the cards in the supermarket. One said on the front: "Thank You For Being A Role Model Dad."
How cute is that? So I slipped it into my pocket and took it home to show my kids.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 10 2019
Bought my dad this birthday card today, thank you Hallmark for $5 well spent!
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jul 07 2018
I passed my son a bag of chips and he said, βWhy, thank you!β
I replied, βBecause itβs the polite thing to do.β
There was a tense silence in the car for the next few miles.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 20 2019
Daughter made this thank you card for a speaker at her career day at school
π︎ 201
π
︎ Feb 23 2017
Thank you all WW2 Vets!
Those injured pets will be forever grateful.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 06 2019
I bought my friends an elephant for their room. They said βThank you.β
I said: βPlease donβt mention it.β
π︎ 15
π
︎ Mar 26 2020
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender βIβll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank youβ. βSure thingβ the bartender replies and asks βbut whatβs with the big pause?
β
The panda holds up his hands and says βI was born with themβ
π︎ 22
π
︎ Nov 12 2019
Thank you, student loans, for getting me through college.
I donβt think I can ever repay you.
π︎ 420
π
︎ Dec 14 2018
Thank you for explaining the word many to me
π︎ 23
π
︎ Dec 20 2019
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender βIβll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank youβ. βSure thingβ the bartender replies and asks βbut whatβs with the big pause?
β
The panda holds up his hands and says βI was born with themβ
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 02 2019
A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender βIβll have a Scotch and . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Coke thank youβ. βSure thingβ the bartender replies and asks βbut whatβs with the big pause?
β
The panda holds up his hands and says βI was born with themβ
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 01 2019
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.