My 4y olds temp is a bit high this morning so I told her she was as sick as a dog we have to take her to the vet.

She was a bit scared a very confused until we showed up at grandmas house as usual. Happy Veterans Day to my mom and those who served ! and thanks to all of you that are AD | NAD | TRS | TAMP for your service.

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📅︎ Nov 11 2020
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For a temp job I had to conduct surveys on the street and often times people would reluctantly comply disclaiming to "Keep it short please!"

So my question was: What do you know about dwarves?

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👤︎ u/Str41nGR
📅︎ Sep 27 2020
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Today I tried to get a job at a general labor temp agency but was told I didn't qualify.

I am only cleared for leiutenant labor.

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📅︎ Apr 23 2020
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A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.

He's the new temp. Seems like a cool guy.

👍︎ 1k
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📅︎ Jun 01 2020
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I told my dad that the temp of Manitoba was colder than mars

"These temperatures are out of this world!"

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👤︎ u/gatorbait4
📅︎ Jan 05 2014
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My dad is an old hippie, this was his thoughts on the 70s

"I used to do drugs in the 70s, now I don't care what the temperature is"

👍︎ 3k
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📅︎ Sep 05 2016
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Climate change question?

How many degrees does Earth's temp need to rise in order for my wife's feet to not be freezing cold all the time?

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👤︎ u/Z6ATL
📅︎ Jun 10 2019
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I think he was drinking with some buddies last night...
👍︎ 2k
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👤︎ u/neregekaj
📅︎ Nov 14 2013
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When my furnace broke down for the second time this week, I called the repairmen...

And vented my anger. We got into a heated argument. I later apologized for losing my cool after he told me he was a temp working to complete his degree. We agreed to meet for some cold beers.

👍︎ 5
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📅︎ Feb 27 2019
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Girlfriend asked me to preheat the oven for her.

GF: Gonna make nuggets for dinner can you preheat the oven for me?

Me: Sure what temp?

GF: Whatever the nuggets say.

Me: Holding the bag of frozen nuggets to my ear for a moment. Babe they aren't saying anything. I think they might be dead.

GF: I'm leaving you.

👍︎ 591
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📅︎ Feb 05 2017
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Moving to Arizona...

Me: But I don't want to move to Tempe (town in Arizona)

Dad: Don't worry, it's just tempe-rary

that one physically hurt...

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📅︎ Apr 10 2015
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Renaissance Festival on a hot day.

So we were at the local Renaissance festival on labor day and temps were getting up to the 90s. I see a guy carrying ice to one of the shops. Slyly I lean over to the wife and say: " Look honey, that guy has the coolest job."

Consider this one of my finest dad moment.

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📅︎ Sep 12 2016
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Father in Law just got my husband

Husband was fixing the temp of their freezer. He asks, "Where do you want it?" FIL: "In the kitchen."

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ Feb 12 2015
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so, I dad joked the lab today...I'm pretty proud of this one, too.

we were at a burger place for a going away party, and the restaurant cooked the burgers to various temps, depending on how we wanted them cooked.

one guy asked another "how was the burger? was it too rare?"

I cut in and said "nah, he found it."

table: groans

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👤︎ u/hachikid
📅︎ Jan 31 2015
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The new guy at work is named Kelvin.

I asked him if he was a temp.

He said no.

I said, "Cool."

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👤︎ u/SandJA1
📅︎ Jun 09 2017
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