What to you call a gentleman with bad hygiene that loves to tell puns?
You can't tell puns to a kleptomaniac...
They take things literally.
(Free irony included, this joke is shamelessly stolen)
I heard my friends dad likes to tell puns
A buddy of mine named his dog “5 Miles” so he could tell people he walked 5 miles
But today he ran over 5 Miles
My wife tells me I have 2 major faults,
I don't listen - and something else.
I said to my kids, "Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do! Take Beethoven for example. They told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf!"
I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying.
I can also tell when they're standing.
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They would crack eachother up
Did I tell you guys about the cross-eyed teacher?
She couldn’t control her pupils.
How do you tell the difference between a male door and a female door?
One has a ding-dong and the other has knockers.
I can't tell you all Japanese history in one joke...
I use a lot of the jokes from here, but I always tell folks where I got them.
Just giving cReddit where it's due.
A priest does not tell dad jokes
I was going to tell my friend a terrible bowling joke
Cheap Phineas and Ferb pun; I know it sucks you don't need to tell me
Why couldn't Doofenshmirtz do his fractions?
Because Perry got rid of the denom-inator
Is it a dad joke when your daughter tells it?
My 11 year old to my 9 year old, as we drive by a cemetery on a hill : "i wonder why they bury people in a hill."
9 year old, in total deadpan: "because they're dead."
A Mexican magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3.
He says, “uno, dos..” and then POOF he disappeared without a tres…
I never remember what people tell me at New Year's parties
It goes in one year and out the other.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”
Because every play has a cast.
I can't tell dad jokes
Because he's not here. I'll tell him when he's back though.
Edit: Thank u for the award kind stranger. :D
My smartwatch can't tell me if I have a virus.
But it does tell me if I have ran somewhere.
I wanted to tell a joke about pizza
But it's just too cheesy.
My father wouldn't tell me his name unless I kill those teens
Luke - what would he say?
>!Anakin - Pulp-a-teen!<
I was going to tell a time traveling joke...
I tell you what always catches my eye....
Short people with umbrellas
Me when people tell me I make too many puns
Don’t tell the mods that this is a repost.
https://imgur.com/gallery/n5TLdNy
My son and I were waiting at a train crossing. He tells me "that train looks bigger than I remember"
So I say, "It's been training"
The Tells bowling adventures
Everyone knows the story about William Tell shooting an apple off his son's head but not many know that the Tell family was huge into bowling, even joined a league. Sadly, the records weren't kept safe and to this very day we have no idea for whom the Tells bowled.
I was about to tell a joke about Sodium.
But then I thought, “Na”.
My pet ted just found out he's not my biological son. So I had to tell him..
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t mind him. He is just a product of our times.
What did the revolutionary bread tell the other breads?
We have to rise up, my breadren
Can anyone tell me the Japanese word for "good"
I dont know it, but I thought umaido
I don't tell Dad Jokes very often.
But when I do, he laughs every time.
Guy's doctor tells him he's sick. He says "I want a second opinion."
Doc says "Okay, you're ugly too."
The best way to tell the difference between an Indian and an African elephant is
that one of them is an elephant.
Let me tell you what I know about dwarves
When people tell me I'm good at the theremin, I have to give credit to my wife.
She also likes it when I don't touch her.
Dad, hey can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?
My employer asked me to tell a bit about myself
Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate?
Im gonna tell my kids that the Titanic was carrying a lot of mayonnaise
And that it sunk on the 5th of May which is why we commemorate the Sinko de Mayo
How can you tell when a country isn't fake?
I was gonna tell a story about my buddies jogging club,
But it's just a running joke among friends
How do you tell your friends that you have coronavirus?
What does panda tells to another panda after taking all its food?
Yes, I am Christian; no, I can't tell you more about it.
Only my wife gets to enjoy my missionary position.
I can always tell when someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can tell when they're standing too.
I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying.
I can also tell if they’re standing.
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