Did some tasks on the wife’s β€œto do” list;

Wife: (being sweet) thank you! What am I ever gonna do without you?

Me: Everything! Without me, you’re gonna have to do everything on that list.

Wife: groans and rolls eyes

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dasherjim
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I did my navigation task and it lead me straight to you...❀️❀️❀️
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hustle_champ
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Or a taxing task xD
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/00harman00
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Task at hand
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tofupupp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Task failed succesfully.
πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/randompigeon3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I always thought that organizing the Amsterdam Light Festival would be a heavy task

But it turns out to be quite light

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GijsHuisman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Manager. Task manager.
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ndvarn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the chicken do when presented with a difficult task?

It chickened out

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musterner
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report
What is the first thing an astronomer does to complete a task?

They planet.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call people who complete their tasks in time and have no trouble with deadlines?

Anticrastinators

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/charlesmgb5
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...

...counter productive.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a comedian’s favorite task before a party?

To set up the punch!!!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterMotion
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
🚨︎ report
In one of my statistics classes, we were given a task to measure and analyze the fumes coming from tailpipes of various cars and to track their environmental impact.

It was exhausting.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sum_buddy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2017
🚨︎ report
What the greatest task a baker needs to achieve?

To become a....toastmaster.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elmaninho
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2016
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mosqua
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call a boat that really concentrates on a task?

Laser-focused.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alienwars
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2016
🚨︎ report
I was tasked to come up with a great pun for a new launch of Microsoft Office, I thought I’d come up with a great one.

But my publisher told me that word games are not what I excel at.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/T33NW01F
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What is Karen's favourite keyboard shortcut?

Ctrl,shift,esc.

(Task manager shortcut)

πŸ‘︎ 479
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_world_thin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Karen press CTRL + Alt + Delete?

She wanted the Task Manager.

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
So I saw a group of people crossing the street tonight carrying ski stuff the one guy in the front of the group was tasked with carrying the ski poles...

So I guess you can say that they put him in pole position

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Loam_Lion
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
The Mysterious Sound

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night? The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a very strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, The same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and again fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.

If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?

The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles, when you find these numbers, you will become a monk. The man sets about his task. Some 54 years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery.

He says, I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.

The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.

The monks lead the man to a wooden door where the head monk says, The sound is right behind that door. The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.

He says, Real funny. May I have the key? The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.

The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.

Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire, And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the last door.

The man is relieved to know that he has finally reached to the end.

He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.

But he can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gasballbutsmol
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
In honour of Julius Caesar I was tasked to design a new statue of him

So I came, I sawed, I coloured

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperDave-1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Let’s go play on our bikes.

πŸ‘︎ 141
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Otherwiseaaron
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I dropped the perfect terrible pun at work last winter...

So there were 6 of us...

With freezing rain pouring down on us at the end of a long work day, and in the middle of a daunting task- pulling underground cables, linking four transformers together (a task where something goes wrong about 50% of the time)

There is a jet line (pulling line) attached to the head of the cable being ran, and as we are nearing completion I hear my foreman (standing at the endpoint) yell "THE JET LINE IS FRAYING!!!".

Without pause I scream back "I was a FRAYED this would happen!"

The tension on the line ceases, and I look around and see 5 blank expressions just staring back at me.

Best day of my comedic life

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Clowns are really good at multi-tasking.

Juggling different things at once is in their blood.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I would like to personally thank this sub.

Every morning when I email my team their daily tasks, I include a joke from this sub. and I appreciate you all so I can try to make everyone laugh a little before rough work at a hospital. So thanks dads!

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyndlandwickett
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine was telling me about her first day working at a zoo...

When she arrived at the zoo she went to see her manager and asked what she should do, the manager told her to first go feed the sharks, so she went off to feed them. Whilst she was shovelling the food into the pool a shark jumped out of the water and tried to bite her, as a reflex she hit the shark with the spade and the shark died. Worried about losing her job this soon the woman started brainstorming what to do, eventually she decided to feed the dead shark to the lions thereby removing all evidence and so that is what she did. Shaken but glad she had avoided detection the women went back to see her manager and asked if there was anything else that needed doing, she was told to go and clean out the monkey cage.. So off the woman went with a wheelbarrow and shovel to clean out the cage, as she was shovelling the poop into the barrow a monkey jumped down from the tree towards her! As a reflex reaction the women smashed the monkey with the spade and it lay dead. Thankfully she knew just what to do and so she threw the monkey into the lion cage. Shaken and ready to go home by now, the women went to see if there were any final jobs that needed doing: she was tasked with collecting the honey from the bees. So she got changed into her protective gear however she forgot to tuck in the back of her shirt so when it came to doing the bees, one particularly large bee came and stung her right on the behind! The woman screamed and started whacking the bees until many lay dead. By now she didn’t even have to think.. she collected the dead bees and threw them in the lion cage before going home for a quiet evening.

The next day there was a new lion in the lion cage. The new lion said to the other lions β€œso what’s the food like here??” The other lions responded...

β€œActually it’s quite good. Yesterday we had FISH, CHIMPS and MUSHY BEES!”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SidB_22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
We should call Ctrl + Shift + Escape shortcut on windows the "Karen shortcut"

Cause it lets you speak to Task Manager

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Socra16
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend was tasked to create a fabric which doesn't wear out.

He's a top scientist.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/354hamtaro
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the baked couch potato do when the game console locked up?

He pressed the russet button, of course.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/centstwo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Help Requested from the Reddit Pun community

I am tasked with naming an informational medical podcast about Overactive Bladder. Wanting a fun - pun type name for this. So far the best I’ve come up with is β€œUrine the Know”. TIA Reddit!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tysenburg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I said to my kids, "Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do!"

"Take Beethoven for example, they told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf...but he didn't listen!"

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2017
🚨︎ report
After graduating from high school, my daughter moved away from home to study at university. She sent this letter home to me…

Dear Dad,

University i$ really great.

I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.

With all my $tuff, I $imply Β’an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, your $usie.

I immediately replied back…

Dear Susie,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.

Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad

πŸ‘︎ 361
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Well, the new year is upon us and that means I have to stick spigots in all my red and black maple trees...

The task always saps my strength.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Mom said I should dress in layers for the cold weather...

Now where am I going to find hens for this task?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Tonight, my daughter assisted me in hanging a new medicine cabinet.

Me: I think I measured wrong. The toggle bolts aren't lining up with the darned holes. Man, I really screwed this up.

Her: Did you........make a pun?

Me: concentrating on the task at hand Huh?

Her: Never mind.

Me: gets it Ha! No, but that's awesome! "Screwed" it up. Ha! You're a PunMaster!

Her: You're a dork.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GTFOakaFOD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Ivory traders, nobody likes you.
πŸ‘︎ 161
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nodnodwinkwink
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did Karen press CTRL + Alt + Delete?

She wanted the Task Manager.

πŸ‘︎ 204
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Karen press Shift-Control-Escape on her PC?

She wanted to see the Task Manager.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyberentomology
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Karen press ctrl+alt+delete?

She wanted to talk to the task manager.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MelletjeN
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Karen press Ctrl+Alt+Del

She wanted to see the task manager

πŸ‘︎ 227
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/killiomankili
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why Did Karen Push Ctrl + Alt + Delete?

She wanted to see the task manager.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TenderJello
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Karen press ctrl+alt+del?

She wanted to see the task manager

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TJVpower
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Karen

Why did Karen press CNTRL+ALT+DELETE?

She wanted to see the Task Manager.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elektrik_Magnetix
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
🚨︎ report
After graduating from high school, my daughter moved away from home to study at university. She sent this letter home to me…

Dear dad,

University i$ really great.

I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.

With all my $tuff, I $imply Β’an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, your $usie.

I immediately replied back…

Dear Susie,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.

Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,

dad

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2017
🚨︎ report

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