.I was asked why I had small amounts of drugs taped to my upper lip
i taped my sons report card to the ceiling,
What do you call a man covered in blue paint with a wrench taped to his hand?
As I taped a barracuda to a boomerang, I remember thinking that...
...this could really come back to bite me.
For Halloween, our priest taped Cd's to his glasses
It was a blessing in disk eyes.
From the archives: back when people taped TV shows
My brother: "I thought you might get bored being at home, so I taped you some holiday soaps".
He handed me a santa- and pine-tree-shaped hand soap, taped together.
Definitely caught on a tape
I like this new trend of taping stuff to the wall and calling it art.
Think I just found an old VHS porn tape
When I was a single man, I had loads of free time.
Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.
Why did the rebels buy tape?
They wanted to stick it to the man.
My friend managed to get himself stuck in some gorilla glue, flex tape and cooking oil. He called me asking for some help so I replied...
Sorry but I dont wanna get stuck in the middle of all this.
People are always talking about "big pharama" and "big oil" but No one ever brings up "big tape"..
Which is too bad, because they're always sticking it to the little guy.
Has covid forced you to wear a mask and glasses at the same time?
If so, you may be entitled to condensation.
Daughter: where are the new rolls of tape?
Me: in one of the little drawers there.
Daughter: Pff, I found it in the last one I looked in!
Me: That makes sense- why would you keep looking after you found it?
I’ll just leave this right here and slowly fade away
Well look at that free man
When you’re taping yourselves but he comes in 30 seconds, would you call it a DickTok video?
Did you hear about the guy who robbed the tape factory?
Flex tape isn't even that tight
My 5 year old got me today!! How do you fix a pumpkin?
I bought some duct tape yesterday
UFO caught on tape
https://preview.redd.it/soczvvwqhcw61.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=968c24dae8b9825c25d87b56b04687391be30a77
I’ve just worked out why they named it Frog Tape…
I'm on the couch playing video games when my dad walks in with a tape measure
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
In order to find you a measuring tape,
Sherlock and Watson arrived on the scene of a murder and the only clue was a measuring tape pulled out to exactly 12 inches.
Apparently something was afoot.
Why is it better to place the adhesive side of tape to each other?
Because tapes strong together.
The truth about duck tape
Duct tape is like the Force.
It has a dark side and a light side, and it holds the universe together.
My tape measure fell asleep
I found it very inch-resting
Just had this moment with my 6y/o:
6yo: Dad, what is duck tape for?
me: to fix ducks
6yo: why would you fix ducks???
me: because sometimes they get quacks in them
If a doctor fixes you up with duct tape…
He'll have turned you from being black and blue into being Red Green.
Whilst doing up a tidy up..
I needed to organise few tool boxes and came across number of measuring tapes.. So I decided to keep one in each toolbox for good measure!..
I'm proud of that - not a dad but I feel I'm unlocking this level!..
My roommate Esther and I wanted to get a new rug for our apartment, but we didn't have a tape measure. So we had to use Esther's height to guess the approximate dimensions we wanted. We bought a rug one Esther wide by two Esthers long. You could say we...
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