A group of phiologists is trying to conpletely change the way sentences are structured

They call themselves "New Word Order"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ClapTheChad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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I’ve been building play structures for kids in my spare time...

It’s my slide hustle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bamboo-harvester
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
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My friend said I wouldn’t be able to name two structures that hold water.

I was like, β€œWell, damn.”

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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When visiting France, one has to go to the structure that allows sufficient observation to discover more than enough to be satisfied.

Oui, a visit to the Eyeful Tower is always recommended when vacationing in France.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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What did the kid say when he saw a gigantic concrete structure block a river for the first time?

Damn

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patoreddit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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I found pictures of Mt. Rushmore before it was carved

Its natural beauty was unpresidented

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shiva8512
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Supreme_Herb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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What do you call a writer who doesn't follow the rules of sentence structure?

A rebel without a clause

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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I just saw a ship builder hit a guy with a structure that runs along the center of a ship's bottom...

He keeled the other fellow just like that!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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A structurally sound pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spacecadet6966
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
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Parking structures cause me a great deal of anxiety.

On many different levels

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
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The bartender asks, β€œWhy the non-linear structure?”

Quentin Tarantino walks into a bar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mudge23
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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Imagine Dragons
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-ariyo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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Batman structure
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XioLungBao
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
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Haggling over a pricing structure with Dwayne Johnson

Dwayne Johnson recently came to the arts and crafts store I own looking to buy equipment for the wardrobe department for his latest movie. He asked if we could quickly fill a large order of cloth-cutting shears. I told him yes, but given the rush, we couldn't offer a bulk discount. For the next hour, Mr. Johnson haggled with me, insisting on paying a single, reduced price for the order of shears rather than the standard per-item price.

With my frustration growing, Mr. Johnson wouldn't back down. Finally, he made a desperate attempt to get the deal he wanted: he suggested we play any simple game of my choice; winner sets the price structure for the shears. He then asked me what I wanted to play.

Fed up, I shouted: Rock! Pay per scissors!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rburke319
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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theres 2 ways to get onto the roof of your house a rope or a structure of steep steps.

i think the easier one is the ladder of the 2

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πŸ‘€︎ u/epicgamer927
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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My doughter just learned all about the basics of sentence structure in her English class.

She is a pronoun

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BecauseItAmusesMe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
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What do you call a structure with babies?

Infantstructure.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anthony_ko
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
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What should we call this large structure?

Bill: A Billding. Buil: I have a better idea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SumoneSumwere
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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The executive sat on his katana after his proposed new corporate structure was rejected

Apparently, the board didn't approve of the bottom-up harakiri

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boganic-alcoholic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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I bought some new structures to put inside my aquarium and sent a picture to my parents

my mom texted me back and said, "ruined, your tank is ruined."

I texted her back asking," why? what's wrong with it. I really like it."

Then my mom replies, " there are ancient ruins everywhere. You ruin-ed it...."

I was not ready for that one, it had me rolling :) and yes I did just fill my tank with a bunch of structures that look like ancient ruins

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2016
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What do you call a pun lacking grammatical structure?
  • Bad Pun-ctuation...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Razor1987
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2015
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We recently had a Dome-like structure constructed in front of our house.

My dad - "Listen son, Dome was not built in a day"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jingoist101
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2017
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I love building canadian defensive structures

I guess you can say it's my fort eh?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Corn46
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2016
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The pollen basket or corbicula is part of the tibia on the hind legs of certain species of bees. They use the structure in harvesting pollen and returning it to the nest or hive.

The bees think that this ability is just the bee's knees.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nate601
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2015
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During a conversation about the tallest structures..

Friend: I think the tallest is that building in Dubai.

Me: In Dubai?

Friend: Yeah, but I heard it's still under construction.

Me: Really? Well, do you know when it's "due by"?

Friend: ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kirigaya_Yuumi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2015
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Corporate Structure..

I was talking to my girlfriend about the sorority structure with President and all the various vice presidents.

She mentioned that another sorority uses a corporate structure..

Gf: "Rather than president they have a CEO and instead of a vice president of finance they have a CFO."

Me: "So do they have a Chief Operating Officer?"

Gf: "Yeah, I think so."

Me: "Oh, that's coo."

Snickered a bit and she just gave me that "you're kidding look."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/radddchaddd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2014
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I live near an atomic shelter and in my encounters with it, it never lied and always kept its word

Now that's what I call structural integrity

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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My friend has been learning magic as a quarantine hobby. I present to you: my oc list of magician jokes and puns I invented to annoy him.

Did you hear about the magician who grabbed Eminem so hard his SnapBack fell off?

He pulled a rabbit out of his hat

What do you call a magician who is an administrator at a college, but nobody knows what students he is in charge of?

Whose dean’s he?

A magician went out to the store and bought a big metal structure so he could hang upside down and do situps. He also loved painting, but because of his style he often knocked the canvas around while dabbing on the paint. So he bought another, wooden structure, like an easel, but with clamps to hold the painting in place while he prodded it with the paintbrush. His wife asked, as he brought them in, what the hell he had just bought. He replied:

β€œAb rack and dab rack”

What do you call a magician with very skinny fingers?

Slight of hand

The magician’s wife brought him to the store to buy gifts for a birthday party. She picked out a lovely candle, but wanted to include a nice note. The magician knew just what to do. He brought her down an aisle, found a section marked β€œbirthday,” and said:

β€œPick a card, any card”

The Russian magician, in 1932, found an amazing new piece for his act: a giant, wooden sarcophagus in the shape of a beautiful woman. The piece had giant, metal blades inside at waist level. They were locked in place while it was open, but retracted as it closed, making it seem as though the magician had escaped death. But one day, while he was practicing, the great sarcophagus fell over - door still open - right on the magician. When he was found, he was cut right in two. Moral of the story:

In Soviet Russia, box woman saws you.

Okay that’s it. I’m so sorry, I have nothing better to do.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nsk09003
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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There is a theory that no two people see a colour the exact same way ipfs.pics/QmZbKhZGWtorqCM…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yousosweg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2015
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New Achievement as a Father

Today while driving, my 2.5 year old asked for "tookies" and I replied with "Turkeys?" She responded quickly with her little "no". I feel proud that I can finally dad joke my child now. (This is an advancement in conversation structure between us)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/immabettaboithanu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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My Dad got me when I was 16, bleeding in a field and in agony.

I was 16 and at a rowing regatta I was competing in. It was middle of the day and very hot everyone was under these massive gazebo/tent structures with big guide wires and these huge rusty steel tent pegs sledgehammered into the dirt.

Anyways I was running late for my race and my crew were yelling at me so I started running. The shortest way was through the spectator area on a big downhill towards the water so at full pace I went that way.

About halfway the top of my barefoot trips on the rusted top of one of these steel pegs and I fall face first and tumble through the dirt with my foot and ankle split open.

People run from all directions, medical staff etc someone holds a towel over my head for shade and I see my dad. He's looking down at me but it's hard to see through the dirt in my eyes and people around.

He asks "bloody hell mate, what happened?".

In agony I manage a "I kicked a tent peg".

He knelt down beside me, looked me in the eye and said "how far did it go?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sennais1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2014
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My dad's favorite

My dad loves to build. Every few years he takes on a new major construction project; an addition on his house, a huge workshop, something. When he goes to buy lumber he always tries to set the salesman up for this doozy:

Dad: "I'm going to need three dozen 2x4s."

Salesman: "Sure. How long do you need them?"

Dad: "I'm going to need them a long time, I'm building an addition on my house."

(Edit: Structure and spelling (thanks DJUrsus)).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-ClarkNova-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2014
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I was standing in line at an ATM

There were 4 people ahead of me, and the ATM itself is inside a small structure with big glass windows that could pass as a miniature storefront. An older man walked by us and yelled "Must be a sale on money!"

Only I laughed. There was even a dad in line with his daughter who didn't get it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GhostlyImage
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
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I was in a really bad mood earlier because my wife accused me of always trying to turn everything in to a joke. After hours of awkward silence, she finally gave in and asked, "What's the matter!?"

I replied, "It's the basic structural component of the universe..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2018
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[request] What cultures and countries today are proud of their puns?

This is not so much a request for a pun. I had heard that there was a town in the Scandinavian region that was known for their puns, and that this was recognized throughout the country. This was a part of a larger conversation about puns in general and the fact that they are typically frowned upon in english, while many other languages celebrate the pun, and are in fact more pun-prone due to the structure of the language.

However, I cannot remember where I heard this, I believe it was a podcast, but I cannot recall.

So, what cultures celebrate the pun, and do you know of any cities or towns known for their puns?

Thanks :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dcraftt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2017
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Important safety warning!

An ancient Babylonian general was once involved in a plot to overthrow the king. His plot included a number of followers in the upper ranks of the army. However, his plot was uncovered, and the king threw him in jail. The king sentenced him to death without a trial.

However, from the jail he was able to secretly contact his followers to arrange to escape, meet his followers, and attack the king's palace at night. So the night before his scheduled execution, the general managed to escape from prison. He fled to a ziggurat several kilometers away, where his followers would meet him. However, the ziggurat was one of several in the area, and he wasn't sure if his cohorts would find the right ziggurat. By this time it was twilight, so he lit a small fire and sent smoke signals to indicate in which structure he was hiding.

However, the king's loyal soldiers saw the smoke coming from the ziggurat, and came to arrest him before he could meet his followers. He was executed later that day.

The moral of the story? WARNING: The searching general has determined that smoking ziggurats can be extremely hazardous to your stealth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LinkBrokeMyPots
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
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Girlfriend was trying to decide on a restaurant

Gf: i wanna go to a steakhouse.

Me: That doesn't seem structurally sound.

Gf: sigh

Me: Houses like that must be quite rare...

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2015
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Should we use scaffolding?

Worker #1: "Should we use scaffolding or should we use some other means to access the higher portions of the structure."

Worker #2: "It should be the latter."

Worker #1: "Agreed. I'll get it off the truck."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/disconformity
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
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Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water.

I was like well damn.

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Branith
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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Someone asked me to name two structures that hold water

I was like well damn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scaulbylausis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water.

I was like well damm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stalingrad420
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water.

I was like well damn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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Someone asked me to name two water holding structures

Well dam..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kartik-rao
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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My friend asked me if I could name two different structures that hold water.

I said, "Well, dam..."

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
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