If you told me you were a U-shaped stringed instrument

Well, then I’d say you were a lyre.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hero_of_Thyme81
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
My ex used to hit me with a stringed instrument every day.

If only i had known about her history of violins.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anonymous8776
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I get very aggressive when I'm forced to play certain stringed instruments

Don't make me use violins.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joey_Jingle_Bells
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man who was beaten with stringed instruments?

It was a brutal act of violins.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My ex-girlfriend used to beat me with stringed instruments.

I didn’t know she had a history with Violins.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Teeter925
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
This year, my friend decided to play his string instrument with a neck and a deep round back enclosing a hollow cavity, with a sound hole in the body at the voting booths...

He was arrested for ear poll-lute-tion.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Seems like a Bassless claim to me
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cREDBARON
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My son claims that he identifies as an ancient Greek string instrument.

Frankly, I think he's a lyre.

πŸ‘︎ 216
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the movie about string instruments in a mafia,rated r?

Because it had too much violins.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A music project in the ghetto taught a lot of youngsters to play string instruments. The crime rate dropped significantly.

But now they have a lot of violins

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arthur_Decosta
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
No matter where I go, I like to bring my ukulele, then, whenever someone asks if I play an instrument, I say...

β€œI play a little guitar!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a guy beating somebody up with a string instrument, so I intervened.

I said to him, β€œViolin is not the answer.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Can you help me with a crossword? I need another word for "Instruments in a string quartet."

Because violins is never the answer.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mad87Wallaby
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
🚨︎ report
My College Internship Almost Ruined My Life

I'm quite the music history buff- always have been. My first inkling as a college student was to explore turning this into a career. So I found a music museum, wrote an impassioned essay, and somehow landed the 12-week internship.

When I got there, I met the curator, a woman named Rhonda. Like me, she had grown up enjoying music and always wanting to know more. Thanks to grants and donors' generosity, she had helped continue the museum's legacy of showcasing what might otherwise be lost to history.

The tradition of the museum had always been to let the interns work in the orchestral wing. My assignment in particular was the string section.

Now I didn't know a whole lot about the string family, but I saw some really fine specimens and decided we could perhaps tell a broader story about the progression of the instruments. And so I began studying.

After about a week of studying, I went to Rhonda and asked if we could do something different here. She was very receptive to the idea and introduced me to her assistant, Dr. Will. His PhD was in history, natch, but he still relished having everyone call him Doctor. It was funny.

Dr. Will helped me learn so much about how the family of instruments developed over time, their overall cultural footprint, etc.

Did you know a fiddle and a violin are the same thing? Did you know the viola family dates back to the 16th C.? Vivaldi wrote 25 cello concertos!

I dazzled visitors with tales of the Stradivarius, Amati and Guarneri families. I noted the increase in neck length over time. I reassured them that despite the name catgut, no cat intestines were used in the creation of these instrumentsβ€”but it sure might be sheep or goat.

Sadly, 12 weeks goes by quickly when you're having fun, and I got enthusiastic letters of recommendation from Rhonda and Dr. Will, and I do miss them. Hello, you two.

I figured I could waltz (sorry) right in to more museum jobs later, but boy, was I mistaken.

I kept interviewing for the job, but after about the 10th cold shoulder, I had to find out what I was doing wrong. I had done such a good job, after all, right??????

So I fucking called the museum

got the guy who interviewed me on the lineβ€”and he wasn't thrilled to even talk to me. But I asked him, sir, why didn't I even get a call back? Weren't my qualifications good?

He said, yes, BUT.......

"...we simply can't hire someone who has exhibited a history of violins."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yungcfa
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What are those weird string instruments called? twitter.com/MrPresidentTo…
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/twin802
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2016
🚨︎ report
I love this
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thatswack69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection...

The judge asks, β€œFirst offender?” The wife replies, β€œNo, first a Gibson, then a Fender.”

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dohpaz42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife plays violin. I used to play trumpet. Last night we talked aviation.

My wife plays violin and her first rehearsal with a new orchestra is near. She had access to an electronic copy of the music, but wondered whether the orchestra would distribute paper copies at the rehearsal. For orchestras, the section leaders decide when everyone's bows will be moving up vs. down and annotate the music accordingly. Copies of the annotated music are distributed to the players. As a trumpet player who's never needed that kind of annotation, I've always been able to use the originals.

Wife: "String players never play from the originals because we have bowings."

Me: "And wind players have Airbuses!"

Wife: "That joke was just plane awful."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tfofurn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
🚨︎ report
I walked into a music store in Chinatown

And started looking at some string instruments. The owner came up to me and said "Cello, good buy!". Confused, I walked out thinking 'what a rude way to greet a customer...'

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hlee89
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My ex-girlfriend used to beat me with stringed instruments...

She seemed nice to start, with no history of violins.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.