My son claims that he identifies as an ancient Greek string instrument.

Frankly, I think he's a lyre.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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A music project in the ghetto taught a lot of youngsters to play string instruments. The crime rate dropped significantly.

But now they have a lot of violins

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arthur_Decosta
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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Why was the movie about string instruments in a mafia,rated r?

Because it had too much violins.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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I saw a guy beating somebody up with a string instrument, so I intervened.

I said to him, β€œViolin is not the answer.”

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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Can you help me with a crossword? I need another word for "Instruments in a string quartet."

Because violins is never the answer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mad87Wallaby
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2018
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What are those weird string instruments called? twitter.com/MrPresidentTo…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twin802
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2016
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My ex used to hit me with a stringed instrument every day.

If only i had known about her history of violins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anonymous8776
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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I get very aggressive when I'm forced to play certain stringed instruments

Don't make me use violins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joey_Jingle_Bells
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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Did you hear about the man who was beaten with stringed instruments?

It was a brutal act of violins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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My ex-girlfriend used to beat me with stringed instruments.

I didn’t know she had a history with Violins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Teeter925
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
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I love this
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatswack69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection...

The judge asks, β€œFirst offender?” The wife replies, β€œNo, first a Gibson, then a Fender.”

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dohpaz42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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I walked into a music store in Chinatown

And started looking at some string instruments. The owner came up to me and said "Cello, good buy!". Confused, I walked out thinking 'what a rude way to greet a customer...'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hlee89
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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My wife plays violin. I used to play trumpet. Last night we talked aviation.

My wife plays violin and her first rehearsal with a new orchestra is near. She had access to an electronic copy of the music, but wondered whether the orchestra would distribute paper copies at the rehearsal. For orchestras, the section leaders decide when everyone's bows will be moving up vs. down and annotate the music accordingly. Copies of the annotated music are distributed to the players. As a trumpet player who's never needed that kind of annotation, I've always been able to use the originals.

Wife: "String players never play from the originals because we have bowings."

Me: "And wind players have Airbuses!"

Wife: "That joke was just plane awful."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfofurn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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My ex-girlfriend used to beat me with stringed instruments...

She seemed nice to start, with no history of violins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
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