I wondered if Iโ€™d ever have the strength to hold things together like I used to

Iโ€™m a frayed knot

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/psykotic24
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
REQUEST: Dads, Lend me your strength!

What are your best dad jokes for the maternity visit? The baby is days away and I need an arsenal for these here finger guns (โ˜ž๏พŸใƒฎ๏พŸ)โ˜ž

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jeromaroo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My wife is my strength.

All the other Women are my weakness.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kgangadhar
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Unlimited Strength
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SharpTechno
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My son gets really excited when we go to the natural history museum. When he gets near the prehistoric bones, he just explodes with excitement and I can't deal with is new strength.

I'm just not qualified to handle his dino-might.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/leniski1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Where do goths get their super strength?

Lots of heavy music

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Professor_Felch
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
While there is strength in your Jew-jitsu

You are no match for my Nun-chucks

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Luminite07
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The power of Christ gives strength to this church's pun game.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/classickev
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 01 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I bought a used wind tunnel for really cheap but underestimated the strength of the fans.

It blew me away.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheSygil
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 20 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Someone threw a bottle of extra strength Omega-3 capsules at me earlier today

Luckily, my injuries were just superfishoil

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BXCellent
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 29 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I have some good jokes about strength training to tell you.

But you'll have to weight to hear them.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sweathesmallshit
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 21 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Great joke, albeit a bit long winded.

There was once a boy. He was the son of the richest man in the universe. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, he dwarfed them all. He was a multi-trillionaire. Now, it was this boy's birthday. His father asked him,

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. A store full of lego, all the video games in the world, anything. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one pink ping pong ball."

His father was rather confused by this request. Out of all the things he could've chosen, his son chose a ping pong ball. Nonetheless, he agreed and gave him a pink ping pong ball. His son was overjoyed and spoke to him.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong ball?"

"Okay son, go ahead."

The boy then went up to his room and played with his pink ping pong ball. When his father went in the next morning to check on him, the boy was sleeping in his bed and the pink ping pong ball was nowhere to be found.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

His son replied.

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one box full of pink ping pong balls."

His father was again, confused by this. Still, he bought a cardboard box and filled it with ping pong balls. He gave it to his son, who said.

"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong balls?"

The father nodded, and the son went up to his room to play. The next morning when his father went to check, the boy was sleeping peacefully and there were no pink ping pong balls in sight. Just the empty cardboard box in the middle of the room.

On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.

"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"

"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one truck full of ping pong balls."

Now, by this point, the father was extremely confused. Why did the boy want so many pink ping pong balls and where were they going? He asked.

"My son. You are the most precious thing in the world to me and I can certainly get you this, but may I ask, why do you want

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/phrresehelp
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Browsing Home Depot.com...

Under Quikrete 80 lb hug strength concrete bags, I saw the following under Q&A

Q: How many feet are in a bag?

A: No feet, only concrete.

This sub doesnโ€™t allow images, otherwise Iโ€™d post it.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 27
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/M-comment
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Who needs Proteins when you have BROteins
๐Ÿ‘︎ 371
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kwasiuman
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/communist_scumbag
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you hear about that chef at the Indian restaurant that was bitten by a radioactive spider?

He hoped to receive super strength, but it was just naan-sense.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/redditaccount314
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A Buddhist monk leave the monastery...

Dissatisfied with the style of life that he found there, The Monk decides to move into a suburban neighborhood and start up his own line of work. Being trained in the peaceful ways he gets on very well with his neighbours who eventually notice that he has a very strange profession. Despite being very strong and very philosophical The Monk elects to repeatedly visit places with broken fences and remove and replace them.

One day has neighbour approaches him and asks, "with the physical strength and mental capacity that you seem to have, are you not interested in a more physically or mentally challenging job?"

To which The Monk replies, "but everybody knows reposting gives you the most karma."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DiamondChocobos
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Three animals were having a huge argument over who was the best...

The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey stood nary a chance. The second, a lion, based his claim on his strength. None in the forest dared to challenge him. The third, a skunk, insisted he needed neither flight nor strength to frighten off any creature. As the trio debated the issue, an alligator came along and swallowed them all... hawk, lion and stinker.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/andersonfmly
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
At a job interview:

"What are your strengths?"

"I'm an optimist and a positive thinker."

"Can you give me an example?"

"Yes, when do I start?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 24
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rav4xle
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 26 2020
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A short essay on the benefits of beating the shit out of each other โ€” A satirical essay based on a single, overplayed pun

In my opinion we should beat the shit out of constipated people because:

  1. Laxatives are an unhealthy way of dealing with feces. On the other hand, beating the shit out of someone is a good way to practice sports activities like, running, grip strength, punching techniques etc.

  2. Other methods of dealing with feces take alot of money. Laxatives aren't cheap in our flawed healthcare system! On the other hand, there are people that are willing to pay you to beat the shit out of you. By using this method you can become richer and deal with your shitty problems.

  3. Constipation requires being in the bathroom for a long time. This can be very lonely for the people involved. However, beating the shit out of others can be done in any place. Your home, the local park, or even the shady street corner! Not only that it's a very social activity, requiring a minimum of at least 2 people, but usually done in groups of 2-5 people.

Although some people might say, that beating the shit out of each other is violent, most of them have never been to a public toilet and hence are unable to realize how much more painful and violent the alternative is.

In summery, beating the shit out of people is a good, legitimate, and affordable alternative to laxatives and is a better, more progressive way, to deal with constipation.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/a5paperblank
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Well, the new year is upon us and that means I have to stick spigots in all my red and black maple trees...

The task always saps my strength.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
This might be so old it's new again

A comedian backed by the Mafia was doing a show in New York. In the audience was group of foreign religious leaders, in town for a UN conference. Oddly, that group was very vocal in their heckling of the poor comic. Particularly vociferous was the Hindu leader from India.

Noticing this from offstage, the Mafia Don told one of his thugs to make his way to their section and menacingly "encourage" them that they should "shaddap already".

The thug asked the Don if there was one of the group who should receive... "extra-strength" encouragement. The Don replied "Yes. Weigh down upon the Swami ribber".

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SQLDave
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My students are catching on...

Today I took a class out onto the oval to investigate the strength of radio signals in different situations. For one, we wrapped a radio in foil and as I was unwrapping it a student commented that they hoped there was food inside.

I finished opening it and said 'oh man, it's a radio - mum must really hate me' to which another student replied 'I know, it's not even a ham radio...'

Was so proud!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/D-Nizzle
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 06 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?

Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Jeff has had only one dream ever in his life, to become a train conductor.

Jeff went to his local train station and begged for the job. He got a job, as a janitor. Every day he swept the train car floors. To make his job easier, he added certain style to his sweeping technique. He used a 3 level system for how powerful he wanted to sweep. He had a small sweep for small piles of dust. Medium sweeps for leftover chip bags and plactic bottles. And the Super Mega Large sweeps for when there were spider webs as big as the train.

Jeff was a master sweeper, so he got Promoted!.. To hobo kicking. Nowadays he comes to the train station early in the morning, finds the nearest hobo, and kicks him out. However, Jeff's legs hurt after several strong kicks, so he used his 3 level system in hobo kicking. He had a small kick for tiny, bite sized hobos. Medium kicks for your average sized hobo. And his Super Mega Powerful kick for 300 pound hobos.

Jeff was sooooo good at kicking hobos and he was Promoted!.. to coal shoveling. Jeff arrives 20 minutes before his train departure, loads up with the conductor, and shovels coal. likewise with his legs, Jeff's arms got tired after several large piles of shoveled coal, so he used his 3 level system to rest Jeff's weak arms. Jeff dumps small piles of coal in the incinerator to send the train at a slow pace. He dumps a Medium pile for a somewhat fast pace. But when the train station's 30 miles away and he's scheduled to arrive in 7 minutes, Jeff uses his Big Gargantuan Humongous shoveling strength to send the train at super sonic speed!

After all of Jeff's many years of working for this train station, they finally promote him to Train Conductor! Jeff shows up to work 30 minutes early on his first day, conducts the train for his first time ever, and crashes the train. He injures 30 and kills 13 more. Jeff is sentenced to Death.

The day of Jeff's execution, he's asked for his last meal. Jeff tells the guard that he wants a 13 foot stack of pancakes and a 40 ounce jug of green Kool-Aid. Jeff takes exactly 34 minutes to eat with it all. 26 Mintues later, Jeff is taken to the electric chair.

Jeff sits down in the electric chair, and is strapped in by a nearby guard. After all the safety precautions, they turn on the electric chair.

BZZZZZZ

Nothin happened. The guard is confused and Jeff is confused. The guard trys it again.

BZZZZZZ

Nothing. Jeff doesn't even move a muscle. The guard decides to let Jeff go since he can't kill him. Before Jeff leaves, the guard has one question.

Guard : "Excuse me um, J

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Saspa314
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...

...are you testing its utensil strength?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BassCuber
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Pythagoras the explorer (long)

Everyone knows the Pythagorean theorem, but few people know that Pythagoras was an avid and accomplished explorer who visited the new world before the Vikings or Columbus ever laid eyes on the continent. On one of his early visits he encountered a village and happened upon a woman, heavily pregnant sitting on the hide of a bear. He asked her what she was doing and she told him that she wanted to give birth on the hide so that her child would have the strength of a bear when he was born. As he walked further into the main part of the village he saw another woman, again quite pregnant sitting on the hide of a deer. When asked she replied that she wanted her child to have the grace and agility of a deer. Seeing a trend he was taken aback when he saw a very pregnant woman sitting on the hide of a hippopotamus. Surprised both at the choice and at the existence of such a creature, he wondered what she must wish for her child, but she replied that there just werenโ€™t any other hides available for her so she took what she could get.

Many years later when he returned to the same village, he encountered the first woman and asked about her child. Was he as strong as a bear? She pointed him out and sure enough, her son was busy ripping a stump out of the ground with his hands, as strong as a bear! Amazed, he sought out the second woman, who pointed out her son, running through a field at great speed, as graceful and agile as a deer! Intrigued to say the least, Pythagoras sought the third woman. She pointed out her son, and he didnโ€™t believe his eyes - he was both as strong as a bear and as graceful as a deer; a mountain of a man with grace and poise.

He wrote in his now-famous travel journal his amazing discovery; that the sons of the squaws on the two smaller hides are equal to that of the squaw on the hippopotamus.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/corbimatic
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
As we were driving, a friend of mine pointed to a bridge with a train on it and stated that the bridge didn't look very strong.

I replied that what it lacks in strength, it makes up for in training.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Calthropstu
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints.

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 21 2016
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A Coffee joke book written by my actual Dad!

Proudly I bring you my Dadโ€™s first joke book! Heโ€™s a dad and he compiled all of these hilarious jokes about coffee(possibly the best drink known to man)!

Hereโ€™s a few from the book;

-Coffee doesnโ€™t ask me stupid questions... be more like coffee

-Donโ€™t try to please everyone... remember you are NOT Coffee

-My morning coffee gives me the strength to make it to my mid-morning coffee

The Coffee Joke Book

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nichetcher
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 07 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Hurricane Bud is projected to make landfall at Cabo San Lucas.

Itโ€™s also projected to weaken in strength, and will be called Tropical Storm Bud Light.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 23
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ScottyMo1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why should powerlifters study math?

Because there's strength in numbers.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 91
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Scarlet_Spectre
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 22 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
[x-post /r/Jokes] [OC] An old blacksmith was working in his shop...

when there was a terrible accident. The fire in his forge had gone out of control and set fire to the shop. The blacksmith nearly lost his life. He was bedridden for many months and relied on the help of his children and grandchildren to feed him, bathe him, and take care of all of his needs. Eventually he was able to get back on his feet, though his outlook on life had turned quite grim. He was now able to take care of himself, but he had lost much of his strength and dexterity from the injuries he sustained and he was unable to practice his trade. He fell into a deep depression and he spent most of his days sitting at home in front of the fireplace gazing into the flames, longing for the days when his strong hands could grasp a hammer and strike a hot piece of iron, slowly forging it into a beautiful piece of work.

One evening when the old man was sitting in front of the fire, he heard a knock at the door. It was his granddaughter, whom he hadn't seen in many months. She had overheard her father talking to her mother about how her grandfather was slowly slipping away into depression and hopelessness and she wanted to help. To the old man's surprise, she had brought him a puppy. "I thought that since you're always here all by yourself that you might want someone you keep you company," the granddaughter said. The old man's eyes welled up with tears and the little puppy instantly jumped into his arms and began licking the tears from his face. The old man and his granddaughter spent the next several hours sitting on the floor of his house watching the puppy chase around a rubber ball, bouncing, jumping, panting, and licking. In that short time, the old man had made complete turnaround from being sad, lonely, and hopeless, to smiling from ear to ear, full of joy with his new-found companion. As the hours grew late and the puppy grew tired, the granddaughter said "Well Opa, I'm glad you like your puppy, but it's late and I should be heading home. By the way, what are you going to call him?" "Life," said the old man, "because he has given me a new meaning and joy to mine." The granddaughter kissed her grandfather on the cheek, wished him goodnight, and she left.

Many years passed and all the while, the old man and his little dog were inseparable. Everywhere the old man went, Life was always with him whether it was the post office, the grocery store, and even when the old man went to the barber shop, the little dog would sit patiently until the last hair on

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 38
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MyOtherAccount_3
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
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My dad after coming out of an eleven week coma

I was just randomly visiting my dad. He woke up when i was there. He opens his eyes, he's in agony and uses, what looks like all his strength to raise his finger pulse oximeter and says "E.T phone..... your mother"

I just remembered this. It was 20 years ago and I'm happy to say he is still telling terrible jokes to this day

๐Ÿ‘︎ 115
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/baskmeollox
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 30 2015
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This is my dadโ€™s favorite joke, and itโ€™s completely awful

Three college students (Jim, Tom, and Steve) decided to stay overnight in an abandoned house that was supposedly haunted, all to prove that there was nothing supernatural there. They decided to sleep in separate rooms to increase chances of scary things happening. Each room was connected to one long hallway which lead to some stairs. After a while, the three called it a night and went to their separate rooms.

At midnight, Jim woke up to the sound of a scream coming from one of the rooms. He ran out into the hall where he met Steve, who also had just woken up. They walked into Tomโ€™s room, and he was nowhere to be found. โ€œSurely this must be a prankโ€ thought Jim, and he and Steve decided to go back to bed. He slept for almost an hour when Jim woke up to another scream coming from a different room. He ran into the hall, and this time Steve did not join him. He walked into Steveโ€™s room, and noticed that Steve had completely vanished. Still in the mindset that this was a prank by his two friends two, Jim went back to bed.

An hour later, Jim woke up to the sound of thumping in the hallway. He went out of his room and saw a giant coffin with chainsaws attached to where arms would be. The coffin was also blocking the exit, meaning that the only way to go was the stairs! Jim immediately ran up them as fast as he could. He stopped to catch his breath, then heard the thumping of something coming up the stairs, so he started running again! He ran into another set of stairs going up, so he ran up them as fast as he could. He stopped to catch his breath, when once again, he heard the thumping of something coming up the stairs, so he started to run. Eventually, he reached a dead end in a bathroom. He turned around to see the coffin at the doorway. Frantically, Jim scavenged the cabinets for anything he could use to fight it. All he could find was some cough drops. Using all the strength he had, he threw the cough drops at the coffin. Upon impact, the coffin suddenly started to dissolve! Before long nothing remained of it. Jim was astonished! The cough drops had stopped his coffin.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PlatinumPoptart
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 21 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why does Thor wear steel underpants?

He believes in the strengths of Asgard

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mxjf
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 30 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My wife is my strength.

All the other Women are my weakness.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kgangadhar
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What did the hotdog say to itโ€™s bun?

Ketchup! Iโ€™ve mustard all my strength to help you!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/imprettywitty
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I for one, love Roman numerals
๐Ÿ‘︎ 4k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mbiggs92
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Up until today, I only knew two jokes about the Fibonacci sequence. Then, today, I heard a new one.

It made me laugh as hard as the other two combined.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 93
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jawn317
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 76
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Josvys
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I tried to tear a phone book in half but I couldn't.

There really is strength in numbers.

(This was actually a mom joke directed at the dad trying unsuccessfully to tear a small phone book)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Spinnerhead
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What did the mustard say to the ketchup

I RELISH the fact that you MUSTERED the strength to KATCH-UP to me

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/seamouse05
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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