What would George Strait sing if he'd be an office worker?

All my Excels live in XLSX!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IvanIVGrozny
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 19 2021
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My friend, the anthropomorphic cell phone was in dire Straits

He walked into the police station and yelled "help! I'm on five per cent!" First, a cop punched him. Then, one of them plugged him in to a power bank Suddenly he had reached 100%. It was a miracle They charged him with assault and battery

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WalterNewton
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 17 2021
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Some people love jokes about Dire Straits

But they’re Knopfler me

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/skepticCanary
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 12 2020
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Was Jack Black? Was Barry white? Was George Strait? Was Marvin Gay?

Sure makes Stevie Wonder.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 877
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2019
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If Dire Straits robbed a grocery store, they'd get honey for nothing and chips for free.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 139
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lol_camis
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2017
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Dire Straits and Chris Rea are getting together. The new group will be called Dire Rea.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 05 2019
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I tried wearing a strait jacket once

Couldn't really pull it off..

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bermobaron
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 06 2018
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Why did Microsoft Windows go strait from 8 to 10

Because windows 7, 8, 9

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/smurfsmasher024
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07 2017
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What do you call an arabic prince who's a Dire Straits fan?

the sultans offspring

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/St_Addi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2018
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Chris Rhea and Dire Straits are getting together to form a supergroup...

... they are going to be know as Chris Straits.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lazlowoodbine
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 27 2017
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A ship wanted to travel from the Pacific to the Arctic…

But it just couldn't get its Bering Strait.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 11 2021
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Alaskan fishermen.

Alaskan fishermen often end up in Russia because they have difficulty keeping their Bering Strait.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/prendrefeu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 25 2021
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TIL: A thousand years ago, a group of Russian explorers tried to sail into Alaska, but failed.

They couldn’t get their Bering Strait.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 06 2020
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Did you hear about the cruise ship that got stuck in the Panama Canal with dead people aboard?

They're in a die-er strait.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 01 2020
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TIL: In ancient times, a group of Native Americans tried to cross into Russia from Alaska, but failed.

They just couldn’t get their Bering Strait.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 248
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 12 2018
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Did I tell you about my trip to the middle east?

I saw a giant Turkey so Iran away strait into a sign post and Iraqed myself. I swear this story Israel

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gnar_owl
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 07 2019
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Where do heterosexual people like to swim?

Straits.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 37
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ToonyCream
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 08 2018
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How do you restrain a mentally ill country singer?

Use a George Strait jacket.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rossum81
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 01 2019
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IRS Auditor: For your tax return, you just wrote down β€œMoney for Nothing, Checks for Free??”

Me: Am I in trouble?

Auditor: Yes. In Dire Straits.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 04 2018
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Killer whales

Killer whales are known to Orca-strait their hunts

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/imitaisskii
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 17 2019
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It seems I can't find the border between Russia and Alaska using my compass.

I couldn't get my Bering Strait.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lansaman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 20 2018
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I learned to empathize with the homeless by singing Mark Knopfler's ballads

They made me feel like I was in dire straits.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Crazy-Cat-Gentleman
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02 2018
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Pin a cup of water to the wall.

Dad had a joke he would pull on us then any kid we would bring over. He would announce that he was going to demonstrate how to pin a cup of water to the wall. He would get a cup of water and a strait pin then move a chair over by the wall. He would then proceed to get his victim to hold the pin and the water while he climbed on to the chair. "OK, give me the water!". Then he would make a show of picking out a place to pin it. "Now give me the pin." When they step up to hand him the pin.... he threw the water in their face.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/steveh_2o
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 26 2013
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Dad got me while discussing Christmas music

Me: "Have you heard that song called 'Christmas Cookies'?"

Dad: "No, who sings it?"

Me: "George Strait."

Dad: "Is he related to George Crooked?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zora894
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2014
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TIL: A thousand years ago, some native Americans tried to cross into Russia from Alaska, but failed.

They just couldn’t get their Bering Strait.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2018
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Tax audit guy: It says in your file that you have money for nothing and checks for free.

Man: Am I in trouble?

Tax guy: Yes. In Dire Straits.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 28 2018
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