What would George Strait sing if he'd be an office worker?
All my Excels live in XLSX!
ποΈ 6
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οΈ May 19 2021
My friend, the anthropomorphic cell phone was in dire Straits
He walked into the police station and yelled "help! I'm on five per cent!"
First, a cop punched him.
Then, one of them plugged him in to a power bank
Suddenly he had reached 100%. It was a miracle
They charged him with assault and battery
ποΈ 3
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οΈ Apr 17 2021
Some people love jokes about Dire Straits
But theyβre Knopfler me
ποΈ 5
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οΈ Nov 12 2020
Was Jack Black? Was Barry white? Was George Strait? Was Marvin Gay?
Sure makes Stevie Wonder.
ποΈ 877
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οΈ Sep 28 2019
If Dire Straits robbed a grocery store, they'd get honey for nothing and chips for free.
ποΈ 139
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οΈ Jun 21 2017
Dire Straits and Chris Rea are getting together. The new group will be called Dire Rea.
ποΈ 7
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οΈ Sep 05 2019
I tried wearing a strait jacket once
Couldn't really pull it off..
ποΈ 23
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οΈ Sep 06 2018
Why did Microsoft Windows go strait from 8 to 10
ποΈ 14
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οΈ Sep 07 2017
What do you call an arabic prince who's a Dire Straits fan?
ποΈ 6
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οΈ Sep 28 2018
Chris Rhea and Dire Straits are getting together to form a supergroup...
... they are going to be know as Chris Straits.
ποΈ 3
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οΈ Sep 27 2017
A ship wanted to travel from the Pacific to the Arcticβ¦
But it just couldn't get its Bering Strait.
ποΈ 11
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οΈ Apr 11 2021
Alaskan fishermen.
Alaskan fishermen often end up in Russia because they have difficulty keeping their Bering Strait.
ποΈ 3
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οΈ Jan 25 2021
TIL: A thousand years ago, a group of Russian explorers tried to sail into Alaska, but failed.
They couldnβt get their Bering Strait.
ποΈ 10
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οΈ Sep 06 2020
Did you hear about the cruise ship that got stuck in the Panama Canal with dead people aboard?
They're in a die-er strait.
ποΈ 2
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οΈ Apr 01 2020
TIL: In ancient times, a group of Native Americans tried to cross into Russia from Alaska, but failed.
They just couldnβt get their Bering Strait.
ποΈ 248
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οΈ Aug 12 2018
Did I tell you about my trip to the middle east?
I saw a giant Turkey so Iran away strait into a sign post and Iraqed myself. I swear this story Israel
ποΈ 3
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οΈ Nov 07 2019
Where do heterosexual people like to swim?
ποΈ 37
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οΈ Dec 08 2018
How do you restrain a mentally ill country singer?
Use a George Strait jacket.
ποΈ 27
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οΈ May 01 2019
IRS Auditor: For your tax return, you just wrote down βMoney for Nothing, Checks for Free??β
Me: Am I in trouble?
Auditor: Yes. In Dire Straits.
ποΈ 20
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οΈ Nov 04 2018
Killer whales
Killer whales are known to Orca-strait their hunts
ποΈ 14
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οΈ Jan 17 2019
It seems I can't find the border between Russia and Alaska using my compass.
I couldn't get my Bering Strait.
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οΈ Jan 20 2018
I learned to empathize with the homeless by singing Mark Knopfler's ballads
They made me feel like I was in dire straits.
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οΈ May 02 2018
Pin a cup of water to the wall.
Dad had a joke he would pull on us then any kid we would bring over. He would announce that he was going to demonstrate how to pin a cup of water to the wall. He would get a cup of water and a strait pin then move a chair over by the wall. He would then proceed to get his victim to hold the pin and the water while he climbed on to the chair. "OK, give me the water!". Then he would make a show of picking out a place to pin it. "Now give me the pin." When they step up to hand him the pin.... he threw the water in their face.
ποΈ 8
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οΈ Aug 26 2013
Dad got me while discussing Christmas music
Me: "Have you heard that song called 'Christmas Cookies'?"
Dad: "No, who sings it?"
Me: "George Strait."
Dad: "Is he related to George Crooked?"
ποΈ 4
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οΈ Dec 25 2014
TIL: A thousand years ago, some native Americans tried to cross into Russia from Alaska, but failed.
They just couldnβt get their Bering Strait.
ποΈ 20
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οΈ Dec 25 2018
Tax audit guy: It says in your file that you have money for nothing and checks for free.
Man: Am I in trouble?
Tax guy: Yes. In Dire Straits.
ποΈ 8
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οΈ Aug 28 2018
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