25 Hilarious Statements Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

My HOA agreement has a statement mandating we have an inflatable Santa displayed in our yard during December

There is a Santa clause.

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👤︎ u/omgwtfbbq7

📅︎ Dec 04 2020

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What is the difference between a cat and a compound statement?

One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of its clause!

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👤︎ u/Vanguard_The

📅︎ Oct 18 2020

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What do you can 2 false statements that are so bad they stun you?

Paralyze (pair of lies)

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👤︎ u/TwoDimensionalCube83

📅︎ Nov 03 2020

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I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....

They're my quilty pleasure

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👤︎ u/Lokimonoxide

📅︎ Apr 12 2020

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Hospital statement ends up being too literal.

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👤︎ u/vt8919

📅︎ Apr 13 2020

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"I'm going undercover" is such a blanket statement.

Besides, you should be keeping that under wraps...

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👤︎ u/OiTheRolk

📅︎ Dec 18 2019

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What do you call a statement about smell?

Deodorant

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👤︎ u/Alzandre

📅︎ Dec 30 2019

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This statement at the bottom of your Just-Eat receipt.

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👤︎ u/CBSpyDoge

📅︎ Jun 21 2019

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I saw a woman who said to check her balance, I paused and wondered why she asked that but I checked her balance with a push and she tumbled to the ground. I shruged, got my bank statement and left the bank.

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👤︎ u/datboiJR

📅︎ Aug 10 2019

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Now that’s a bold statement

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👤︎ u/mark-silver

📅︎ Jul 23 2018

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If you say something in bed, is it a blanket statement

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👤︎ u/my_life_is_a_joke64

📅︎ Mar 14 2019

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To make a blanket statement about pop music...

Covers are good sheet.

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👤︎ u/changhaobyu

📅︎ Jun 28 2019

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Julie Andrews will not endorse that popular vibrant shade of lipstick. She says it breaks too easily and gives her bad breath. Her official statement on this........

The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis.

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👤︎ u/2donutkid2

📅︎ Jan 14 2019

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My girlfriend asked me for a bank statement.

I said, "It's a financial institution licensed to receive deposits and make loans."

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👤︎ u/TommehBoi

📅︎ Nov 24 2018

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I’m about to make a bold statement

statement

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👤︎ u/Spudzzy03

📅︎ May 16 2019

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To refer to all women as bitches isn't just a blanket statement, it's a broad generalization

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👤︎ u/daddydomino

📅︎ Nov 16 2017

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Statement Types imgur.com/4r1NHsP

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👤︎ u/hyperspace_engineer

📅︎ Aug 16 2018

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6 hours after a major bank robbery took place, the bank have finally released their statement.

Withdrawn: £9,000,000

Balance:£0.00

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👤︎ u/adc2502

📅︎ Feb 18 2019

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A false statement.

Sleep is for the week.

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👤︎ u/qoutes

📅︎ Apr 28 2018

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What do you call someone who mails mortgage statements?

Post Malone

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👤︎ u/Andyh10s

📅︎ Oct 18 2018

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A statement without punctuation

is missing the point

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👤︎ u/itim__office

📅︎ Mar 28 2018

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Started as in Innocent statement about a game I played

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👤︎ u/Areyoucrazee

📅︎ Dec 24 2013

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I'd like to start with a blanket statement.

I love quilts.

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👤︎ u/Mesum

📅︎ May 14 2017

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So, an SQL statement walks into a furniture store...

The owner yells at him; "You stay away from my tables! You dropped one the last time you were here!"

Sql statement leaves and wanders into a nearby restaurant. He approaches two tables; "I was just chased out of the furniture store, may I join you?"

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👤︎ u/quintinza

📅︎ Jun 26 2014

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Canadian Prime Minister dad jokes in an official statement about finding ship that disappeared 160 years ago

"Finding the first vessel will no doubt provide the momentum - or wind in our sails - necessary to locate its sister ship and find out even more about what happened to the Franklin Expedition's crew."

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-29131757

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👤︎ u/IAmNotScottBakula

📅︎ Sep 10 2014

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