π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 06 2017
Went to the grocery store and asked for 3 pounds of potatoes. "We don't have pounds", the grocer stated, "only kilos".
Annoyed, I went, "fine. I'll take 3 pounds of kilos then".
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
My son walked in and matter of factly stated, βDad, Iβm thirstyβ
Me(instantly): Is that a statement of fact or a request for something to drink?
(Oh how the sour look that he had been duped by a dad joke)
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 15 2020
In heaven, there were two huge signs. The first read, "Men Who Did What Their Wives Told Them to Do." The line of men under this sign stretched as far as the eye could see. The second sign stated, "Men Who Did What They Wanted to Do." Only one man stood under that sign...
Intrigued, St. Peter said to the lone man, βNo one has ever stood under this sign. Tell me about yourself."
The man shrugged and said, βMy wife told me to stand here.β
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jul 24 2019
One of the stars of Suicide Squad stated that he might start forging iron.
This raises the question: Will Will Smith Smith?
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Aug 18 2016
As we were driving, a friend of mine pointed to a bridge with a train on it and stated that the bridge didn't look very strong.
I replied that what it lacks in strength, it makes up for in training.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 19 2019
I saw a headline that stated "Navy proposes sweeping changes after collision."
My immediate response was "What good will new brooms do?"
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 02 2017
Dadjoked on bike ride. Stated to wife that I thought the house we were passing was a tudor.
The guy was just coming out of the garage (which has three doors) And says, "No it's a three door".
π︎ 11
π
︎ May 17 2015
State puns
π︎ 32
π
︎ Oct 04 2020
Can anyone give me capitals and state puns?
For example I have:
What's the capital of Alaska?
I'm pretty sure Juneau (You know)
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 12 2016
Arkansas is the only state mentioned in the Bible.
βNoah walked out onto the ark and saw....β
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
What state has the smallest drinks ?
π︎ 38
π
︎ Feb 04 2021
My wife accused me of always stating the obvious.
I replied, "That's what you think!"
π︎ 15
π
︎ Feb 05 2021
What's the most sexist US state?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 01 2021
My buddy Ian is a strong proponent of state surveillance of citizens. I disagree and think it's a bad idea, so I said...
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
Murphy's Law states anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Have you heard of Cole's Law?
π︎ 70
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
The police arrested water because it was wanted in three states
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
So I was talking with a friend about states
me: do you know the abbreviations for ohio and oklahoma?
friend: no
me: oh ok
π︎ 35
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
Ooh thatβs on point
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
Why couldn't Biden see his Secretary of State?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
Did you hear about the depressive state of US?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
The Secretary of State will be Biden's first confirmed Cabinet member.
After all, the Republicans can't say no to A. Blinken!
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
Just watched an episode of 24 where Jack Bauer had to decide to either help the cartel transfer cannabis crystals into the U.S within 24 hours or they would blow up the Gulf Coast states.
...It was Kief or Southernland.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
If DC, Puerto Rico, and Guam became states, the US would be truly indivisible
Since 53 states is a prime number
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
What state in the US speaks Japanese?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
Q: Which US State loves company?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
A state trooper pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway
Glancing at the car he was astounded to see that the elderly woman behind the wheel was knitting
The trooper crank down his window and yelled to the driver βpull overβ
βNo!β yelled the woman βitβs a cardiganβ
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
Which US state is best for baby rodents?
π︎ 23
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
Ho ho ho!
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
When I play battleship I like to arrange my ships in the shape of states...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
Do you know the top 15 states to live in?
Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, & Maine
π︎ 24
π
︎ Oct 15 2020
What do you call a hippies wife?
π︎ 690
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
What is the best American state to go sunbathing?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
BREAKING: North Korean Leader in vegetative state following surgery.
They're going to start calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Apr 26 2020
What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
Sbarro pizza company charged with violating state COVID executive order
They are expected to make an appearance in Food Court next week.
Good evening. I'll see my self out...
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 05 2020
What comes after the USA?
π︎ 48
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
Did you know thereβs a law stating no one living within 5 miles of a cemetery can be buried there?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
State of Zen
How still do you have to be to reach a Zen state of mind?'
Fro-Zen Still
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
Which state is always ready to write?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course it can! A building canβt jump at all!
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
Mike Pompeo is Secretary of State
The βstateβ is denial
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 12 2020
What state is famously known for selling small soft drinks?
π︎ 28
π
︎ Oct 18 2020
Iβm such a state! What will Della wear to the picnic? And who else will be there? What will we do?
I think Texas coming. What will Delaware? I donβt know, Alaska! Iowa thanks to you for bringing this up! Maybe we can play some Tennessee? Indiana just donβt think weβll know what to expect. Like last time, we donβt know Michigan.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
At which US state did the great depression start?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
Which U.S. state is famous for its extra-small soft drinks??
π︎ 24
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
You would think that the state that is most popular for Casino's and lucrative businesses...
...would be better at counting
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
What's a state where the men don't know anything?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 04 2021
What is the only state mentioned in the bible? Arkansas.
Noah looked out of the ark and saw two doves.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 01 2021
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