I recently staged an intervention for my religious feline addict.

Needless to say, he's not a Catholic anymore.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bballconnor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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My family staged an intervention because I tell too many dad jokes.

Joke's on them, there's no such thing as On-and-On Anon

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ekimneems
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
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What did I do when my co-workers at the candy factory staged a strike to protest the commercialization of Easter Sunday?

I didn't make a Peep.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MC_Bankrupt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2018
🚨︎ report
What would Gordon Ramsay’s stage name be if he was a wrestler?

Buff Wellington

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ceuqi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
If jesus was a rapper, what would be his stage name?

G-Sauce.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abowlofspicyramen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Awkward stage
πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toe-knail
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Jokes about bipedalism are the best jokes to tell on stage.

They form the basis of standup comedy.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/agsederq
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A English man, a Spaniard, a French man, and a German. Go to a club. The guy on stage asks if they can see him. They said

β€œYes” β€œOui” β€œSí” β€œJa”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGregGreg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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I just found out that Bill Nye is just a stage name.

His real name is William New Year’s Eve.

πŸ‘︎ 175
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
At a conference there was the most courageous person who went by the name Sam. Before he got on the stage to deliver his impressive speech, all attendees begged him not to sing.

But Samsung anyway.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vapingpigeon94
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?

LED Zeppelin.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zombie-narwhals
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the director of the stage production of Cinderella say, after the lead called out sick before opening night?

Get the understudy, the shoe, must go on!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
It occurs to me at this stage the election has become sexist.

All I see are male in ballots.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NinjaRage83
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Stages of matter
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/glitchomojo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Watching a little tadpole swim around from one stage of life to another is fascinating.

I just love watching the frogress.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beardwithablog
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Auditoriums are specially designed so that sound will bounce around the walls and ceiling in order to be projected to the audience. However, if you place a pigeon on the stage, the coo of said pigeon will not bounce.

This is because of a-coo-sticks.

πŸ‘︎ 161
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nebulas-Entity
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the quickest stage of the Tour de France

No time Toulouse

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisispeculiar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do we tell actors to β€œbreak a leg?”

Because every play has a cast.

πŸ‘︎ 143
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kattykat21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you here? They made a stage production of the dictionary.

It was a play on words.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StochasticTinkr
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The 5 stages of butter
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thinkingamer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What happened to the cobra comedian when it bombed on stage?

It got hissed off.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Foamy07
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
There are 4 stages of life and they all involve Santa.
  1. You believe in Santa.

  2. You don’t believe in Santa.

  3. You are Santa.

  4. You look like Santa.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigButterChicken
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The cake shows up to the talent show and takes center stage. When the judge asks what is his talent. He replies...

"Icing"

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IronHusker88
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The roosters and hens were staging an uprising...

They called it a chicken coup

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Corleone_Michael
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle moved to Spain to sing on stage by night and sell UPVC windows by day. He changed his name to....

Enrique Doubleglazius.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisispeculiar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife just informed me that β€œterrible two” refers to a kids in a specific developmental stage

And all this time that’s how I always referred to my two kids at all times

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Lily's fatal Greek mythology school play.

Lily liked Greek mythology a lot. Her favorite character was the titaness Rhea. She loved the story about her outsmarting Cronus with a stone in order to get her children back. She loved it so much in fact, that for the sake or realism, she decided to eat some rocks too for the upcoming school play she took part in! But, very soon after going onto the stage, poor Lily started convulsing on the floor. It was a poor decision to eat the stones. She knew that. But at least, she could die a Rhea.

.
.
.
I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrotherTausil
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I saw an old comedian up on stage one time.

He had lots of laugh lines.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rorolith
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do we say break a leg in the theatre?

Its because everyone in the play is in a cast

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akien0222
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A comedian would do a set, each show, where he sprinted to either side of the stage with his mouth tied up.

It was a running gag.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Peteman22
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My 8yr old daughter got me with "I can breathe under water"

She filled a cup of water placed it on her head and began to violently and rapidly breathe in and out. The force is strong with her.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theevildave
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
How do chickens overthrow their leader?

They stage a coop

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Just happened: my contractor broke a window during our nearly complete renovation

He turned to me and said it's no problem. At this stage it's just a pane.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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We have reached a stage of enlightenment ladies and gentlemen
πŸ‘︎ 287
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hungryboi123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
The sound from a musician on stage bounces off the auditorium walls to surround the audience. The sound from a pigeon on stage does not do this.

The reason is a coo sticks.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarlosMingos22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey... Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage!

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/balkso
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I was at a concert of which a Scandinavian woman was playing on stage, one of my friends turns to me and remarks β€œI wonder if she’s from Sweden” another friend says β€œmaybe Norway?” My final friend asks β€œdo you thinks she’s Finnish?”

I boastfully reply β€œI fucking hope not she’s only been on five minutes”

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-Suggs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I was wrongly fired from my job as a stage designer today...

I left without making a scene.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Who did auntie kill when she found out she had end-stage renal disease?

her kid niece

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keatsvevo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I hope they practiced their frequency before going on stage (image is not mine)
πŸ‘︎ 193
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aziz_a22
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I just found out that Bill Nye is just his stage name.

His real name is William New Years Eve.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
The three stages of man:
  1. He believes in Santa.

  2. He doesn't believe in Santa.

  3. He is Santa.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do they say β€œbreak a leg” in theatre?

Because every play has a cast

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Arthur24
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I found out that Bill Nye is a stage name.

His real name is William New Years Eve.

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I just found out that Bill Nye is just a stage name.

His real name is William New Year’s Eve.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report

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