My wife is doing a sponsored parachute jump tomorrow....

....and I'm terrified that the chute might not open.

Last time something that big crashed onto Earth, the dinosaurs got wiped out.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Toto sponsored a group of zombie missionaries.

They blessed the brains down in Africa

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/02K30C1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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My School was sponsored by Ikea.

Assembly took ages.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call state-sponsored cereal brands from Algeria?

Algerios

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y5K77G
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Totally not sponsored...
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geert-Jan333
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.

Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeusJZ
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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Joe Rogan should be sponsored by Rogaine so he can become Joe Rogaine
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliveOcelot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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What do you call a high-end clothing outlet sponsored by a Norwegian band, the undead, and a magical woman?

ABBA Zombie and Witch.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dgrubbnasty
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
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I recently entered a competition sponsored by the Astrological society.

I didn't come first, but I did win the constellation prize.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stw303
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
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I went to this conference sponsored by Intel

All we got for lunch was chips.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloody1ips
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
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It has recently been discovered that William Tell and his son belonged to a bowling league. But Swiss historians have not been able to determine the name of the league's sponsors.

We may never know for whom the Tells bowled.

πŸ‘︎ 442
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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I heard that Marvel is now sponsoring Uncle Ben's rice and changing the picture to Peter Parker's uncle.

The new slogan is "With great power comes great rice possibilities."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jurassicbond
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Which company did sponsor glasses in Star Wars?

Rey-Ben

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Navi66
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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The sponsor was Audible.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarLun00
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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If I owned a financial planning business I would definitely sponsor a run

But only if it was a 401k

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mintypickleman
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Big sports news on ESPN.com: Monster Energy is sponsoring American Pharoah

Good to see they didn't passover the opportunity.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coachlasso
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2015
🚨︎ report
Coming in 2020

A new coding bootcamp, featuring international percussion ensembles, sponsored by former vice president and climate change activist behind An Inconvenient Truth.

"Al Gore Rhythm"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Funkaholic415
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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I texted a friend to tell them I was sick. They replied, "Did you send this from your sickbed?"

I responded, "No, the bed is fine. I'm the one who is sick."

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wawoodworth
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the longest word in the English language?

A word from our sponsors.

πŸ‘︎ 140
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tuba_phone
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
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Did you hear about the radio personality who murdered his only son while broadcasting because he didn't want him to receive any inheritance?

There was a lot of Dead heir on that show.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsthearistocrat
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Geese

Every time geese flew in a "V" shape over the house:

Grandpa- "Do you know why one side is longer than the other?"

Me- "No, why?"

Grandpa- "Because there's more geese on that side. Huehuehue!"

πŸ‘︎ 638
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rel3ntl3ss
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
🚨︎ report
Clean kill

My grandfather, in his younger days, retired from his NASCAR dreams to do construction so he could raise a family. Fast forward 45 years to 1994. I was around 15. My grandfather, grandmother, her mother, and I were on the return trip from the Costco and liquor store just inside the no sales tax state of Oregon. My grandfather was, as usual, driving. He raced for Lincoln and they sponsored him so they gave him a really good lifetime discount. He drove a brand new Continental his entire life. He always raced down to Oregon as fast as he could and then tried beating his time while driving back. Suddenly, at about 140mph, a Pheasant committed suicide on the front end. We could see feathers occasionally come loose. Grandpa already had a couple minutes to make up. Needless to say, despite my grandma's insistance, stopping to investigate wasn't in the plans. When we got home, he was cussing an ill timed traffic light with a bored motorcycle cop parked on the sidewalk waiting for his target. My grandma and great grandma nearly died when, without batting an eye, grandpa pulled the Pheasant off the car, grabbed his Gerber knife, and stripped, cleaned, and threw the bird on the BBQ. I was in dying from laughter at this point. Grandma and my great grandma were dying from embarrassment. He offered them some and grandma angrily refused for the 3 of us, calling it road kill. Without skipping a beat, he calmly replied "This isn't road kill, it's Continental Wild Pheasant, Twice-Grilled."

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sierragirl78
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Getting Married

"Daddy," a little boy asked his father.
"How much does it cost to get married?"

"I don't know," replied the father, "I'm still paying for it."

(Joke sponsored by Al Tebehalah's Discount Lobotomies)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlTebehalah
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2015
🚨︎ report
Running joke

I was telling my Dad about a race I had done today and how the big gym that had sponsored the event had but on free bacon sandwiches for all the competitors.

He stopped me mid-sentence with

"That was kind of him - Big Jim"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/k9markiii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2013
🚨︎ report

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