A friend and I were trading sponge puns... (Hint: I really milked it)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jank_Tank
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2016
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Why did the sponge wake up early?

To get the moist out of the day.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bakevaren
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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I once knew an arrogant sponge

He was very self absorbed

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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Why are sponges such good listeners?

Because they soak up everything.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reach_Greatness
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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it's a sponge cake
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shapkael
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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Dad can I wash the car with you ?

I dunno son, I prefer you use a sponge

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedMusical
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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I wonder

How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikethelabguy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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How do sponges talk to the devil?

They use a squeegee board.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ethanholmes2001
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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I was washing the car with my son, until he said β€œcan’t you just use a sponge”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lafleur2017
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
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These guys broke into my house and stole everything except for my soap, my hand sanitizer, and my sponges.

Dirty bastards

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaDaBeast
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
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Why was the sponge so rude?

Because it was so self-absorbed!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andye2801
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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What do you call a distant shower sponge?

Aloofah

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOnionKerniggit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
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I actually struggled at first
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DustyyDoggo
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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One day, a father was washing a car with his son...

The son asks, "why can't we just use a sponge?"

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Funny-Promise956
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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My costume is a bunch of sponges pinned to my shirt

I’m self absorbed

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/topderp1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2017
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A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:

"Are - my - test - results - back?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RabbitHODL
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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Did you hear that Sponge Bob broke up with his girlfriend?

He's back to square one.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hajduken
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2017
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Why did the bath sponge have trouble making friends?

He was a loofah.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wigglewam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2015
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Been out washing the car with my son.

He said Dad why don’t you use a sponge like the other dads?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMBiSH
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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Me: Is the dishwasher dirty?

Dad: No...
Me: puts plate in sink
Dad: ...but the dishes inside are.
Me: moves plate to dishwasher

(Edit: formatting)

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dj_rogers
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2017
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I don't know if this is a Dad joke or just plain appalling...

I was in the kitchen with John Lennon about to do the dishes and I turned to him and said:

"Right John, I've got my washing up basin, sponges, hot water, the dishes themselves of course...is that it am I ready to go? Do I need anything else?"

And John turned to me and said-

>!"All you need is glove!<

>!All you need is glove,!<

>!All you need is glove,glove!<

>!Glove is all you need"!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WeeHootieMctoo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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-Dad, can I wash the car with you?

-I don't know son, why can't you just use a sponge?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cray_z8
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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So you’re tellin me a shrimp fried this rice?!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/droopydrip1007
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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The Blitz of Puns

It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.

Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.

When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.

The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really don’t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you don’t overload your capacitors.

The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.

Scissors always cut to the point.

Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you don’t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.

When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.

Mr. Tea says, ”Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”

i c e i c e w a t e r

Architecture is an aspiring career path.

β€˜Pun’ puns don’t add up. The are starting to get negative receptions.

I’ll do algebra. I’ll even do calculus. But graphing is where I draw the line.

Plants should always rooted in the ground.

Never argue with people when they are right or nobody will be left hanging out with you.

Rocks make boulder moves. This means they are pelite and not jagged. Don’t take these puns for granite.

Cheese puns are grate because you don’t have to ask for parmesan to use them.

Eskimos have cold personality. It is an ice society, but some of their history chills my spine.

My dog died a few years ago. It was really ruff.

I am not a fan of wind turbines.

Life is like driftwood. You never know where you will float.

Christmas lights stick together. When one goes out, they all do.

Puns about communism are only funny if everyone gets them.

Rocket scientists cannot fuel around or something bad can happen.

A baker is someone who kneads to make baked goods.

I sometimes wear stripes to avoid being spotted.

Sponges are great at absorbing liquids.

Contrary to the name, relationships have nothing to do with boats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmanofdoom95
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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Really dad

So my name is Bob and my dad just came in handed me a sponge and said spongebob

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobthespud420
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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**Dad:** Hey M, did you hear about that kidnapping? (my little sisters name is Emma, everyone calls her M for short)

My Little Sister: No! What happened?!

Dad: Dont worry, he woke up.

My Little Sister: ROLLS EYES

Me: Hahahahahaha! Nice.

My Little Sister: Omg! Is this funny?

Dad: No, THIS IS PATRICK! (We all really love SpongeBob SquarePants)

I GET UP TO GIVE MY DAD A HIGH FIVE AND HIS PHONE RINGS AS SOON AS I GET UP. IT'S MY MOM CALLING HIM FROM THE KITCHEN

Mom: Hi, I was wondering if I had the right number. Is this funny?

Dad: No! THIS IS PATRICK!

My Little Sister: Really?! You too Mom?!

Mom: No, I'm 49 sweetie.

My Little Sister: Nevermind! I'm watching, "Black Mirror," in my room by myself.

Dad: Sweetie, African American, don't just call them Black. That's not nice.

My Little Sister: ............. I hate you all.

  • I know this isn't necessarily a,"Dad Joke." It's more of a conversation my Dad and Little Sister had. But it was seriously one of the funniest moments I've ever seen.

  • I really love my family. Lol

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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My wife said I need to spend more time with our kids.

My car was dirty so I decided at the weekend I would wash the car with my youngest son.

After only 5 minutes the cheeky bastard asked if we could use a sponge instead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reckless_Engineer
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
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I asked Siri a for Father’s Day joke:

I was washing a car with my friend, when he said, β€œcan’t you just use a sponge?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noel_Fletcher
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
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Why did the sponge wake up early?

To get the moist out of the day.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bakevaren
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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I was washing my car with my friend,

Until they said, β€˜can’t you just use a sponge?’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pipoca-queimada
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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A man was washing the car with his son.

The son asked, "why don't you use a sponge instead?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rey_lumen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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What did one sponge say to the other sponge?

Nothing. They were too aloofa.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/amhayesing
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2017
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A father was outside washing his car with his son

The son asks: "Dad, can't we just use a sponge?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ba71905
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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I was washing the car with a friend

Until they said, β€œCan’t you just use a sponge?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/juhaodbrokule
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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A dad was washing his car with his son.

After a while, the son turned to his dad and said "Hey Dad, why can't we just use a sponge ?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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A man is washing his car with his son. The son asks,

"Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notwutiwantd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2017
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A dad was washing his car with his son when the son said

β€œDad, can you please use the sponge?”

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PolkaDottedFork
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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A dad is washing his car with his son.

The son says: "Dad, can't you use a sponge"?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ben_Zedd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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A dad was washing his car with his son.

The son asked why they couldn't just use a sponge.

πŸ‘︎ 187
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πŸ‘€︎ u/One_Day_Dead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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I was washing my car with my daughter the other day

and she asked β€œDad, why don’t you just use a sponge?”

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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I was washing my car with my son

He said β€œcan’t you just use the sponge?”

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jtrad_24
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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How deep would the ocean be...

If it didn't have sponges

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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A man is washing his car with his son. The son says...

Why can’t you just use a sponge?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unclemerle1775
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
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A dad was washing his car with his son

The son asked why they couldn't just use a sponge.

πŸ‘︎ 143
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bm_eez
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
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A dad is washing car with his son...

The son says β€œcan’t you just use a sponge?!”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Electrokid08
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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The other day I was washing the car with my son

He asked me why I couldn’t just use a sponge.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dillonwbell65
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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A man is washing his car with his son

The son asks, "Can't you just use a sponge?".

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyesboyee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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